Nuninuninuninu...

I woke up to the sound of the wind blowing against the glass doors to our balcony. Scary sound. I woke up our nanny and with her, brought in our gigantic aluminum sampayan. The wind was so strong (and freezing!), I thought it would break the glass. I remember our neighbor's story on her glass door breaking during Typhoon Milenyo a few years ago. Scary thought.

The kids are sick. Both A and the baby have colds. So the baby is extra clingy and refuses to take milk from his bottle. Instead, he throws a fit until I give in to nursing him. Extra comfort to ease his discomfort. I don't mind. In a few years, he'll eventually forget about it. Right now, I will cherish each moment.

The hubby came over to give A a personalized name band he had purchased for her. Upon opening her surprise package, A exclaims "But I already have this!" Then she shows it to me. R retorts with "Sorry, I didn't know." And A answers with "That's because you aren't in my life. That's why you don't know." Ouch. Did she just hit the jackpot there with that statement?

Snooze Time

The house is finally quiet. The kids are pooped. It was our annual Halloween Event here at our place. As usual, the kids had too much sweets to even feel like sleeping early. But yes, they are finally asleep; Hello, peace and quiet!

I need to catch up on sleep. I will be yaya-less over the holidays, so I need to get my energy level up. Was able to book our annual Hong Kong trip for next year - thanks to 5J and their Piso Fare Promo. :) God must love me so much! I didn't have problems booking and buying the tickets. Spent less than 10 minutes on the site. Whereas, my friends have been trying all night just to get their promo tickets, but to no avail. I am blessed. :)

So now, while all of my friends stay up to get their flights, I shall get some much-needed snooze. Good night, world! Another typhoon on the way. Stay safe, everyone!

Contest! Win a Fireproof DVD!

Hello readers! Would you want to win your very own Fireproof DVD? Well, I have a contest for you!

There are two ways to join this contest, the mechanics are as follows:

OPTION 1: I LOVE FIREPROOF Category
Write a review about the movie Fireproof on your blog and post a link to your blog entry on the comments section of THIS post.

Edit: If you do not own a blog, you may write a review directly on the comments section of THIS post.

OPTION 2: I FIREPROOFED MY MARRIAGE Category
Haven't watched Fireproof, but would like to own the video? Blog about how far you've gone to save your marriage, and post a link to your blog entry on the comments section of THIS post.

Edit: If you do not own a blog, you may tell us how far you've gone to save your marriage by posting directly on the comments section of THIS post.

There will be two winners for this contest - one from each Category. Best blog entry from each category will win an original Fireproof DVD from House of Praise.

Contest Duration: From 12:01 am, Friday, 30 October 2009 'til 11:59 pm, Thursday, 12 November 2009. Winners will be announced on Monday, 16 November 2009. Contest is open to all Philippine residents. Readers not residing in the Philippines may still join the contest, provided that they have a relative in the Philippines who may claim the prize. NO ANONYMOUS ENTRIES PLEASE. YOU MAY USE A NICKNAME OR A USER ID, BUT YOU WILL NEED TO PROVIDE A VALID NAME AND ID WHEN CLAIMING THE PRIZE.

D

Our good friend D is celebrating his birthday today. D used to be like R. I say used to be because he is now a pastor. Yes, after years and years of womanizing, D turned his back on the world. He found true happiness in Christ and has since been serving the Lord. Almost 4 years ago, he surprised his wife with a wedding. Below is their wedding story as retold in a digest I wrote on 9 February 2006:

SURPRISE WEDDING
The last Thursday of January was unforgettable. I attended a wedding so unlike others. I have written about my d-group (bible study/ couples group) several times, and remember our d-group leaders, D and DM? To refresh you a bit, D used to be a womanizer. He cheated on his wife several times, with his wife's friends, kumare, cousin even! He also got involved in various crimes and was once charged with attempted murder (charges have been dropped). Anyway, his wife, DM, didn't lose hope, instead she was a godly wife to D. Until one day, God finally heard her prayer. D started going to church with the family; he started praying, reading the bible, attending small groups, etc. This is the shortened version of how it all happened. But let me tell you, it was a journey. Eventually, after years of getting to know God, D made a commitment to be a youth pastor (note: he is now full-time pastor for a church in Taytay).

So anyway, fast forward to last November (2005)... D came up to some of the women in our D-group and said he wanted to surprise DM on their wedding anniversary. His idea was to stage a surprise wedding. Their anniversary was on the 27th of January. The surprise wedding happened on the 26th.

DM had no idea that D actually had something up his sleeve. As far as she knew, they were gonna watch a concert at The Penn. A friend of theirs supposedly had two dinner tickets and couldn't use them so she decided to give these to the couple as a gift. She also warned DM that she should wear something formal, because it was a dinner concert at a hotel.

So because it was their anniv, DM's mom also gave them overnight accomodations at an Ortigas Hotel. DM was clueless on the preps. Everyone was actually working on it.

Thursday night at 7pm, the sanctuary at CCF St. Francis was filled with wedding guests. Everyone was anticipating her arrival. At half past 7, D and DM arrived at St. Francis. D asked DM to wait for him at the ground floor while he goes up to the 4th Floor office to get the tickets. 10 minutes later, someone goes down to get DM because D's supposedly still talking to someone in the office. As the elevator door opens, DM is shocked to see her mom (a devout Catholic who once vowed never to set foot in CCF). When it dawns on her that there was actually a wedding and it was actually HER wedding (they were once wed, so this is a renewal of sorts after all the painful years), DM cries.

Anyway, I won't go into other details. I just wanted all you women to put yourself in her shoes. Imagine 10 years of pain. 10 years of trying to obey God's will. 10 years of tears. 10 years of thinking that your husband could possibly leave you for good, worse, even kill you (because D almost did). 10 years of NOT GIVING UP. Then imagine God rewarding you for your labor. A wedding. A surprise wedding, planned in detail by the person who hurt you the most for 10 whole years. Sigh. A great and worthwhile reward, don't you think?

Truly, one does not labor in vain, especially if you labor for God's glory!

Parenting Digest Look-back 20 April 2006

Yesterday, while browsing through messages on gmail, I found some of my digests from my SP days. I laughed at memories, both good and bad, and looking back, I can only say that God has always been good to me. I've decided to post some of the funny stories about A here, such that the stories don't get lost. This way, I have something to smile (and laugh) about each time I need a pick-me-upper. Enjoy!

Excerpt from Parenting Digest 20 April 2006

On one of our drives to the beach over the Holyweek, A was trying to catch everyone's attention in the car. She was tapping my shoulder and saying "Mommy, J, Mommy, J" (calling me and her nanny at the same time). I wasn't looking at her so I didn't know she was also trying to get her nanny's attention. So I said... "A, my name isn't J. What's mommy's name?" To which she replied... "uhhh... K!" So i said, "Right, so it's Mommy K!"

After a bit of thought, A, always the comic, says... "Aaaaa... Mommy K, Daddy R, Yaya J and A A! (repeating her name twice)" hehehehehe...

~~~

Na-gets niyo? hehehe.

Depression

R has been in and out of depression lately. There are days when he seems okay, like everything is back to normal. Then there are days when he is ready to kick the bucket. Not that I don't believe him, but sometimes, I can already predict his days. Yesterday, for example, he was all smug, like he didn't care about anything that involves family. Then today, he sends a text about being deprived of happiness.

I wonder if he truly knows how it is to be depressed? If his depression is the lack of happiness, and if the kind of happiness he has been searching for is the worldly, fleeting kind? I text him back and say "True happiness comes from only one Source. You may be looking for it in the wrong things, in the wrong places."

"So this is how it feels." He replies. Yes, R, depression and I are old friends. It used to be the story of my life.

Be My Prayer Partner!

Do you have a burden you want to share with me? A problem you need prayer for? Let me be your prayer partner! Together, let us storm the heavens with prayers. :) The Lord loves it when we pray, as it is time spent with Him. And He promises that "the effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much." (James 5:16, KJV) What does that mean, exactly? The NIV translates it to this: "The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective." The NCV makes an even clearer translation, "When a believing person prays, great things happen." Let us believe in prayer and see great things happen in our lives!

Why do you need a prayer partner? The Lord says that "...if two or three people come together in my name, I am there with them." (Matthew 18:20, NCV) Isn't that a great promise? If our will is in line with His, I am sure He will hear from heaven!

Once a week, I will post a Prayer Post. You may post your prayer requests via the comment section. Let me pray for you as you in turn, pray for me.

My prayer request for the week is stated below. Kindly post your prayer request/s in the same format. I only request that with each prayer request, you post a blessing or an answered prayer you had received for the week before. That way, we have, as well, a blessing to praise God for when we pray. :)

PRAYER REQUEST: Please help me pray that we will find a new home soon. Our lease contract is due to end by February but we NEED to move soon because rent, utilities, dues, etc are steep here.

BLESSING: I closed a business deal! :) Plus, God gave me a new sideline.

What is your prayer request today?
Note: Your posts will be published unless you tell me otherwise.

Roller Coaster Ride

How many roller coasters have you ridden? There was a time when my brothers and I would ride roller coasters over and over again, and we'd make note of the number of times we rode on this or that one. I swear, we were roller coaster crazy. Once, one of my brothers even got a bruise on his back from riding the same roller coaster over 20 times in one day. When in the US, we'd troop to the big theme parks and do the roller coasters over and over again. The big ones like The Goliath or The Dueling Dragons were always on our list, and we'd run to fall in line again and again, just so we'd get our ride count up. Yes, I love roller coasters. That is, I used to love roller coasters.

I have been riding on this one particular roller coaster for so, so long now. Each time I decide I've had enough, I'd swear to get off, only to find myself getting on it again. No, it is not just the marriage thing, in case you were wondering. But sigh, yes, a lot of things. I don't know what's wrong with me. This roller coaster is deceiving. It scares the hell out of me. Each time I get off, it calls out to me like a shiny, new toy. And when I'm on it, I get so sick, so much so I want to get off. It is the roller coaster called Everyday Life Problems. :P

~~~

This Patience Dare is just not my thing. Slow to speak, slow to anger. Boy, did that fly out the window faster than you could say fast. :( And today wasn't better than last night. This afternoon, I had a short spat with my mom. Short because it lasted a good whole minute (maybe even less). And I wanted to keep quiet, but my tongue lashed out a statement so fast, I knew it was wrong the moment the first word left my mouth. Ha-ya!

Must get off the roller coaster and fall in line once more. Tomorrow, I shall start Day One. Again.

Bye, bye, Patience.

You know, the truth is... I am tired.

Tonight, I just threw out lesson number one. :(

Another Banchetto Morning

A was supposed to run the 3K at Race For Life today. But I was too pooped from last night's activities to wake up on time. :P She was disappointed as this was gonna be her first run ever. As consolation, I took her and the baby to Banchetto on Emerald to visit JP at Tapatouille (My business partner J and I were actually at Banchetto past midnight to get our weekly Korean Tapa fill). There is something about Tapatouille that keeps you coming back for more. I don't mind having their Korean Tapa at night, then the Spicy one in the morning. No kidding. :)

It's interesting how people of all sorts troop to Banchetto during the weekend. At night, it is mostly folks from nearby call centers. You'll see men checking out girls. Men checking out other men. Women dressed-to-kill and then there are those dressed-to-be-killed. ;) Yes, all sorts. It is a scene to behold. Free entertainment. J and I would sit on the steps in front of PLDT and look around in amusement.

This morning, while waiting for our order, two gals dressed to the Ts approached the Tapatouille booth. After placing their orders, I noticed one look down. She then proceeds to spit out her gum on the pavement. How appalling! Girl, you can be dressed-to-kill and yet, when you cannot carry yourself the way educated, well-mannered women carry themselves... then forget it. She spent the next 5 minutes looking at us from the corner of her eye because she knew we saw what she did. A kept saying "eeew", so much so that the girl turned red. LOL. Serves her right.

~~~

Was planning on going to MOA today. But my FIL called to say he might come and visit. I wonder how that will play out. Nyar.

K's Breakfast Sausages (Naks!)

I made a batch of Breakfast Sausages for my brother. A and I brought some for baon as well. And whadd'ya know? It turned out so good, the folks at the office wanted to BUY some from me! So we all trekked to the nearby supermarket to get more stuff for it. I'm whipping 7 batches for tomorrow. :)

The other day, over lunch, my friend and colleague S warned me about possibilities. The THIS AND THAT of what could happen in the future. He pointed out that since the issue has passed and since no news has come out in the past weeks, I should tell R to watch his back.

So the other night, through text, I mentioned this to R, who, obviously irked with what I said, replied with "wala ka na namang magawa." Not that I want him paranoid over nothing, but hey, it pays to be careful.

~~~

So our daughter A watched G-Force 3D with K and Mom the other night. R was supposed to take her out to watch it but begged off because he was "busy." A, being the know-it-all, who loves listening in to grown-up conversations, remarked, "Should I text Daddy that BUSY means Being Under Satan's Yoke?" She probably heard this from those days when she'd sit in with the D-group or I dunno, Kids Church? :P But J and I were laughing so hard, no one bothered to find out.

But yes, the hubby is out of his hole, trying to get whatever's left of his life back. Not that I am surprised, but I was hoping he'd take it slow... His family and close friends worry about him and his well-being, but he acts like all is well. I guess you can't blame him. Who'd want to live under the shadow of fear all the time?

However, I truly feel that God is still in control of the situation. No matter what S says about the what could be... God is God over everything; He is God over everyone. I suppose we all have a choice. We can live our lives in fear of situations, in fear of others or live our lives fearing the one true God who holds our lives in the palm of His hand.

Dare #1: Patience

I am currently reading a book called The Love Dare. And every day, the book calls for you to improve a part of the way you deal with others (not necessarily your Spouse, although the book was written for husbands and wives). The other day, the dare was to treat others with Patience.

So ok. Patience. What exactly is patience? I must admit that I am a woman of little patience. Ah yes, K is Little Miss Impatient. Even my closest friends would say so. Never mind that I dealt with the hubby and his hobby (LOL) for so many years. Nope, I wouldn't call it patience. I, in all honesty, would call it... hmmm... well, never mind what I'd call it, but it was nothing close to patience. During the onset of R's womanizing ways, I dealt with it in anger. With a lot of hurtful words. Then after a few years, I dealt with it with a lot of bitterness in my heart. I even tried doing the I-do-not-care and I-hope-you-and-your-women-burn-in-hell attitude. None of which left me any happier. In fact, I found myself miserable as ever.

The book I am reading says that Patience is the ability to respond in a positive way to negative situations. It is being slow to anger. It is a choice to control your emotions over having your emotions controlling you. Makes sense, right? The wallpaper on my mobile phone says "SLOW TO SPEAK, SLOW TO ANGER." It serves as a reminder that the one who holds his tongue is wise.

So, did I pass Day One? I'd like to think so. I have never felt better about being silent... ever. Day one was a good day.

Sidenote: The Love Dare book is available at House of Praise Panay Avenue, QC and House of Praise Trinoma, also in QC. For inquiries, call House of Praise Panay Avenue at 9205291 loc 139.

Attacking Disappointment!

I stayed home today. I spent most of the weekend carrying the not-so-little one (who now weighs over 25lbs at 10months!) and woke up with a bad back. I spent most of the morning sighing away in bed, thinking of all my struggles, but got up with a resolve not to allow the devil to steal my joy away. If there is one thing I have learned from all the problems that have come my way, it is this: God can always, ALWAYS turn it into something good.

I am actually in the middle of looking for a new place to move to. Rent here is killing me. Dues are an added pain, and electricity rates are sky high (we live in a mixed-use condominium where terrible commercial rates apply). If that isn't big enough a problem (to think we just moved September of last year), today, I received notice from my nanny that her soon-to-be-husband wants her to quit working by end of this year. :( So yea, added stress. Hence, I started the day wanting to cry. But then, yesterday, I was in a similar situation and had to deal with disappointment, and yet, God did not fail me. He came through for me. So why shouldn't God pull this one through for me, too? ;)

The thing about dealing with disappointment is this: You have to be armed with counter-attacks. If the devil throws you woes, God has promises in His Word to keep you armed for attacks! In the middle of my depressed state, I am reminded that all I have to do is to "Trust in the Lord with all my heart" (Proverbs 3:5) and that He promises "to prosper me, not to forsake me" (Jeremiah 29:11). How will you pull out God's promises if your bag of promises is empty? You have to arm yourself with God's Word. Hide it in your heart.

Pastor D, in a message a coupl'a Sundays ago, gave a funny example of why we should keep God's promises in our hearts. What if, you find yourself in a situation where you need to minister to or counsel someone in need? But the only verses you know are Genesis 1:1 and John 3:16? I can just imagine this scenario:

You: Friend, God loves you. He promises... uh... that if you believe in Him, He will give you eternal life. He says so in John 3:16! And you know what else? uh... In the beginning, God says in Genesis 1:1, He created the heavens and the earth.

LOL! What a riot that will be!

Are you armed to counter disappointments? Read your bible today!

Do you need a guide to read the whole Bible in one year? Find One Year Bible guides here or here (or here! hehehe).

A Week Buzzes By...

Almost lost a wheel on the road yesterday. I swear, that was like the most stressful part of the week. Nyar. But the week flew by almost uneventful, so I am thankful still. We trekked to Banchetto last night to have the famous Korean Tapa at Tapatouille. It's been a while so that was a treat! A fell asleep on the monoblock chair while J and I talked about the future of our booming business. We're preparing our fields, and trusting God to send in the rain. :)

Was supposed to volunteer for Kids Church service at Ultra today, but didn't wake up on time. :( A has a party later so we can't do the afternoon service either. Oh well. I have no nanny over the weekend so it will be a challenge to keep my food cooked and fish fed on FB. But days like these are priceless. My kids grow up too fast!

Happy weekend, everyone!

I got myself a new Bible today. My old Bible is all worn-out. And although I was really leaning towards getting an NLT or an NCV translation, I felt this one call out to me. Hehe. Really, I've never felt so drawn to getting a Bible.

So today, I bought an NIV Trimline Bible in Cherry/ Cherry Italian Duotone.

Ah! I love the smell of new books! Beautiful, don't you think? :)

In other news, A has a Filipino test tomorrow. We were all set to study, but she has once again escaped from me. I found her sound asleep on her bed, with her Binhi book under her head. :( I guess that means we're waking up early tomorrow. I guess that also means I'm cutting this entry short. Nyar. Goodnight, peeps!

Solid Rock

I went to have coffee (well, I didn't exactly have anything, teehee) with my small group Friday night. L talked about how obedience does not necessary equate to you being free from storms. Some Christians obey merely because they are called to obey, not because they desire to obey. And that spells a big difference in God's eyes. We have to remember that God knows every crevice of our hearts. I've often wondered why God would allow terrible things to happen to some Christians I know. I know of a couple in Church. Beautiful relationship, seemingly great walk with God. But then the husband packs up and disappears to nowhere, while his very pregnant wife is clueless as to his whereabouts and well-being. So why did this happen? I also know of a great couple who died in a car accident, leaving their two young daughters behind. Lovely folks, and yet terrible thing to happen. Why do these things happen to good people? I look at their stories and I find no answers to my questions. I cannot judge them or the lives they led. I look to God and know that only He holds the answers. The things that happen in my own life confuse me too sometimes. Even I don't know why. All I know, and this I am sure of, is that God's power is magnified in my weaknesses. When I am weak, He is strong. He will take whatever it is that happened in our lives (good and bad) and use it for His glory.

"Each time he said, 'My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.' So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me." 2 Corinthians 12:9

Pastor D, in his message two Sundays ago, mentioned how living a life with Christ does not promise us a storm-free life, but rather, it guarantees us a storm-proof life. We come out shaken but not stirred. Stronger, not weaker.

"Do not be afraid or discouraged, for the Lord will personally go ahead of you. He will be with you; he will neither fail you nor abandon you.” Deuteronomy 31:8

The past week has been a bit stormy for me. I took on u-turns of past hurts as Pepeng ravaged the north. There was even one day when I allowed depression to take over me. But then, because of all the prayers coming my way, I was quick to realize that God wants me to be joyful in all things. His grace is sufficient and He promises peace that passes all understanding. Some of my friends have asked me how I can laugh, smile, and even joke about all that has happened. I do not know. It can only be God's grace, really. And the promises of His Word that I have kept hidden in my heart.

~~~

You have to build your house upon a rock.
Make a strong foundation on a solid spot.
Well, the storms may come and go,
But the peace of God you will know.

I learned this song as a kid. But it is a great reminder now. Had I had my foundation built on something else other than Christ, I would have been washed away the moment the storms in my life hit.

I've received a lot of slack from always relating every event in my life to God. Some people call it stupid hypocrisy, some call it plain stupid. Even my best friend says "you're being too fatalistic, K". I never said I was perfect. I am far from perfect! I break down, I get bitter, I lose focus, I cry, I feel helpless sometimes. But I have God. And if you cannot hope in your One True Hope, which direction would you take if you were in my shoes? I've heard countless stories of women having similar situations, and they easily gave up - with some ending their marriages, and some ending their lives (or their partners' lives). I cannot speak for them, because I do not know their situation. I can only talk about mine. I am not saying I know where I am heading, but I am focusing on God and what He has in store for me. I hope with peace in my heart, knowing this is all for His glory.

"Yet what we suffer now is nothing compared to the glory he will reveal to us later." Romans 8:18

So. Are you grounded in Truth? It is the only guarantee to a storm-proof life. You may think this blog is stupid to contain references to God, the Bible, etc. I, on the other hand, think it is unwise to not be anchored in Him who says, "I am the way, the truth and the life. No one can come to the Father except through me." Yes, the only way to get through storms is to hold on to the One who promises True Life. My feet is on the Rock and my life is on a roll.

I had a great day. Yes, looking at better days ahead. Nothing but better days. :) God is amazing!

Back 2 Back! (See you at tonight's bonfire!)

F

My best friend, F, is tying the knot this month. Yes, finally. After years of swimming in his fish bowl, he has decided to marry the one fish in it with him. Not that I do not agree. More like, I want him to be sure. Once, after I had tied the knot myself, F goes to me and says I married all for the wrong reasons. He could be right. I look back and I can only conclude that I may not be having the problems I have today had I waited for God's best. Oh well, c'est la vie. You make mistakes. We all do. Life is too short to dwell on past errors. We have to get up, move on, and make the most out of what is left of that once-upon-a-time dream.

And yet, let me just quote my earlier post as I find it so applicable to my point: Marriage is a lifetime commitment, and you must CHOOSE to see it through when you take that first step. When you say "yes" to your significant other, you say yes, knowing that he or she isn't perfect, believing that you will be able to stay married 'til death do you part.

So to you, F, I say if you found all the right reasons to do so, then "Cheers! and "Good luck!" I pray that yours work out. I know I've said it many times in the past, but I will say it again. If she makes you happy (and I know she will make you a good wife) then I'm all for it. You deserve to be happy. After all, everyone deserves a chance at happily-ever-after. And all good things come to those who wait, and we both know you've waited long enough. ;)

For Better Or For Worse (Repost: from Multiply, 29 July 2008)

The following is a repost from my private Multiply Blog. I wrote this over a year ago. It's funny how bad went from worse to worst in just a matter of months. FOR BETTER OR FOR WORSE. Heavy words for a heavy heart.


how does one value marriage nowadays? what ever happened to "forever" and vows to stick it through thick and thin, for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, 'til death do us part?

yesterday, i found out that one of my good friends is getting a divorce. this came as a shock to me since she just got married to her long-time beau two years ago. she didn't explain why or how or what happened, and i didn't want to make any wild guesses when she opted not to give details. so here i am, sitting in front of my laptop, wondering what went wrong, and how, in those two years of togetherness did they decide to let things go?

"she must have a pretty good reason, just like J." F reasoned on google talk.

maybe so, but i try to think of a "pretty good reason" and i am left with none. just the same, i do not wish to judge her or her reasons for leaving (or maybe it was the guy's decision to let go). she never judged MY reasons for staying, though she was one of the first to admit that she never liked my husband from the start.

~~~

today, over a serious discussion on marriage with E and how one must be prepared to weather storms when getting into a commitment as committed (hehe) as marriage, i started thinking about how people just seem to take forgranted their vows now. parang to some, it's so easy to get into a marriage, because there is always that window to jump overboard when you're not sailing smoothly (or as smoothly as you would like to). which brings me back to my original question: why is "for better or for worse, etc" in the marriage vow, when you quit when the worse come your way?

E pointed out that most old couples that are still together after 10, 20, 30, 40, 50, ++ years are those that have gone through the most storms in the past. they are the ones that survive and see each other through the storm. if that is the secret to a successful marriage (weathering storms, surviving trials, and so on), then why don't most young couples nowadays even aim to get past the 7-year-itch? i know of couples who stay married for a year, or less than 5, and then you see them separated, annuled, remarried in the next 5. bakit ang dali-dali para sa kanila? even those with kids rationalize their decisions by saying "staying together for the sake of the kids is the dumbest reason to save a dying marriage." so please tell me, what were your reasons for getting married in the first place?

most of you know the story of my life, of my marriage. a few months back, i was almost ready to give up. i was adamant. determined to start thinking of myself. but then i look back at the reasons i had 7 years ago when R and i decided to tie the knot, and i know that i cannot be selfish and think of myself when my bottomline has always been to keep my family intact, no matter what. in the midst of all that questioning and seeking out what my priorities were, it was God who gave me the clear-cut answer when the PT came out positive. i am reminded of His promises and the one that impacts my marriage or any marriage most is a promise made from the beginning of time! -- "WHAT GOD HAS PUT TOGETHER, LET NO MAN SEPARATE (Matthew 19:6; Mark 10:9)."

who am i to rationalize divorce or separation for my sake or benefit? i am not the only player in this marriage. true, i have made sacrifices; i have made selfless decisions for the sake of my family. see, after almost 7 years of fighting it, i am surrendering it all to God. i cannot win my battles alone. i even told E, after 7 years, the itch is still there (haha), but it's true. marriage is a lifetime commitment, and you must CHOOSE to see it through when you take that first step. when you say "yes" to your significant other, you say yes, knowing that he or she isn't perfect, believing that you will be able to stay married 'til death do you part.

some Christian books on Marriage mention in passing statements like "God will not judge you when you choose to get a divorce (especially in an adulterous or violent marriage)"... or "God allows divorce when adultery is committed"... etc. but isn't the Bible explicit when God says in Malachi, "...I HATE DIVORCE"? (Malachi 2:16) or when Jesus says in Matthew 19:8 that "Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard. But it was not this way from the beginning." anyway, who am i to rationalize divorce? if i were to give up on my marriage, on 7+ years of praying for the man i love, then why'd i begin praying anyhow? it is like saying my God isn't omnipotent... no, HE IS GOD OF THE IMPOSSIBLE. with Him, all things are possible!

just now, while typing this, R looks over my shoulder and gives me a "pssh!" and he goes back to texting whoever and a thought slips into my head, but i shrug and remember that God's grace is sufficient for me. during my month-long bedrest, i took time to pray for God's direction. and it came with this verse on the 4th day of praying: "Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time, we will reap a harvest if we do not give up." - Galatians 6:9

so why must one give up on a broken, dying, cold marriage? one that is barely 1, 2, 3... (and so on...) years old? couples have their reasons, and i have mine. i do not wish to place judgment on anyone for giving up (likewise, stay away from telling me what to do; only my mom gets the privilege to tell me that i have no choice but to live miserably if i choose to stay in my marriage at this point in our lives... she has her reasons and i don't blame her, hehe).

our hope (with any trial, even those that aren't marriage-related) lies in God, who promises to save, who promises "not to forsake you, but to prosper you, and to give you hope and a future."

So. I wait for inspiration and it hits me in the middle of the night, right when I am finally in bed, all snug and ready for sleep. The kids are sound asleep. All is quiet, save for the soft whirring of the aircon's motor. It gets too quiet around here at night. So much so that I can almost hear the thoughts in my head.

What is keeping me awake on this cool October night? Various thoughts are filling my almost full-to-the-brim head. Yes, nights like this keep me from sweet slumber. I can already picture the hangover tomorrow. Funny that they aren't of the alcohol kind, but rather, the ones from lack of sleep. Just today, my label manager, D, exclaimed his surprise to find me asleep over lunch break. That's a first, he says, or so he thinks. Hohum. I suppose X is right, I do need a break.

But how? Sleep doesn't even come easy, and it is in those moments when I am at rest that my mind decides to run marathons in my head.

Surprise!

Two days ago, my friend A received a private message from a brother she didn't know she had. Well, she knew her dad had kids with other women, and she knew she had a brother or sister somewhere out there... but still, the shock of having been contacted by a sibling you didn't know existed! This got us talking about the future and what it could possibly hold for me and my kids. Not that I will be surprised if it happens. But then, if it does happen, I wonder how I'll handle it?

I've actually been psyching myself up for the come-what-may and the what-could-be. Yea, getting ready for that knock on the door episode in my teleserye life.

Lord, if it does happen, please let me deal with it with a kind and forgiving heart.

Another Case of the Mental Blog

I have been contemplating on writing a blog entry for the past days, but have not been able to find the right words to do so. A lot of things have been going on in my head lately. My current state of mind can be wrapped up into a single word: frustrated.

I am frustrated over a lot of things - work, family, expenses, a best friend, etc. Yesterday, I was so short strung, I ended up yelling at A for disappearing on me in the middle of her homework. I have been contemplating on sending A to counseling. At 7, she seems to be handling everything well, but it looks like she has a mask on, too. Yesterday, we spent 30 minutes looking for a bag she thought she had misplaced at the office, only to find it in the car, right where she left it! I thought frustrated defined the moment for me, especially since I was ready to blow my top with her thinking this and that, only to have one of my good friends catch me off guard with this comment: "You are not frustrated, you are impatient." And she is so, so right. I reflect on myself, my thoughts and my emotions and can only agree that these have been brought on by my lack of patience. Things have been happening so fast over the past month, and I have been expecting the rest to take on the same quick pace.

I have to remember to pull the reigns on this one. Nope, life is definitely back to 1st gear. Slow as slow can be. But why is it that I still find myself wanting an extra hour or two for my days? I feel as if I have been playing catch up with the rest of the world. I am behind on a lot of things. At work, my list of things to do is just too much. I find myself scrambling for that extra day each time I get a cake order. I find myself spending more and more time at the office at night (because I don't have the heart to face the situation at home). And I don't even have the energy to go with my business partner to the next business meeting, because I feel I need to be at home with the kids (in exchange for the guilty feelings I have, since I spend most of my days at work).

So. Does this post even make any sense to you? I don't even know why I'm publishing this one today. I have to remember to write when I find the inspiration. I had a blog in my head two mornings ago, but decided not to write about it now. Hohum, yes, I have been bitten by the mental blog bug once again. I wonder how long this one would last... nyar.

Requesting for Prayers

May I please ask for prayers? Need intercession for something happening tomorrow. May God's will be done. Thanks, friends!

Weathering The Storm

It's funny (in a way) how someone with problems could think it's the end of the world, only to see that the rest of mankind may have bigger problems. I am embarrassed at the thought that once, I assumed no one could have worse problems than the baggage I was carrying with me. Alas, disasters like that of Ondoy open our eyes to the realities of this cruel, cruel world. :(

But I sit back in awe at how resilient Filipinos are. We weather each storm with our chins up. We fall but before you know it, we are up and about, ready to take on the next challenge.

Yes, there are bigger problems than mine. Hurricanes and tsunamis compared to my little storm. Problems like yours and mine should make us stronger. We don't go through it for nothing. I'd like to think I will stand strong the next time a "cyclone" comes my way. If not, then I went through the past ones for nothing.

~~~

Another typhoon on the way, and yet, over 70 employees in our company alone have no place for shelter, no comfy bed to sleep in, no home to call home. My brother and I went from one supermarket to another (and another!) all of this week, looking for noodles, canned goods, bread and the like, only to find shelves empty in some. And now with another storm looming, you can't help but feel weary. Disasters are happening left and right from all over, and it makes you ask "what next?"

(photo on right shows the Noodles bay at Shopwise, Libis; taken on 30 Sept 2009 -->)

~~~

It's late and I have to get some shut-eye soon. Been sleeping AND waking up late the whole week. Emotional stress is killing me (sidenote: heard over the radio today that lack of sleep promotes Alzheimer's! Yikes!). A and I were supposed to watch UP 3D again tonight, but it was so traffic on the way home! So we had to skip that. For the first time in months, we had family dinner at the table together, so that was nice. Life is taking on a bit of normalcy so yey! Who cares about the ongoing drama? The important thing is my children have genuine smiles on their faces. Nothing in this world will beat that.

SHOUT OUTS:
X: I know (well, my MIL didn't brand me detective KC for nothing, hehe). :) Nevertheless, thanks for your private comments. I appreciate them. Will leave you a message on your blog soon.

JNP: No. Will blog about it soon. And I go to VCF. :) Happiest place on earth!