I've been absent from this blog for quite a time for exactly those reasons: death and change. Death... well not literally, I meant figuratively. Needless to say, my marriage has gone through battle after battle, with it ending in (sob!) near-death. Yes, my marriage situation has neared non-existence. Its heartbeat faint, and pressure, low. :( But what's new? It has been this way since who-knows-when. And finally, R has thought it best to keep his distance, and it has been a surprisingly, welcome change.
Yes, one year after the whole news brouhaha on R's womanizing and the scandal broadcasted on LIVE television, our lives have forever been changed. Normal, to us, isn't even close to normal. My kids have (thank God!) fairly adjusted to the whole situation, with occasional outbursts from A who really misses her dad. But RL? He doesn't even think his dad's part of our little family. Sad, but true. Every waking moment to him at our home sans R is a normal day for him. He doesn't know what he is missing, true, but that's how it is. What's important is: he is happy. He isn't missing something that was once part of his life, because this was how he saw it from the beginning. With A though, it has been a tough change. From daddy's little girl, she is now the independent Ate. She has, in my opinion, lost the most out of all these. That, plus she had to grow up overnight, with her nanny leaving to take care of her two babies.
Yes, life has been hard for us. But God has been faithful through everything! I mentioned in some of my previous posts how He has guided us through the changes in our lives. God has been nothing less than wonderful. He is awesome in this area, in carrying you through the storms of life. Let me tell you what He has done to cushion the change.
1. HE PREPARED US FOR THE STORM. So much so that when the news came out last year, I didn't even cry about it. I didn't even make a big thing out of it. I spoke with R, told him I forgave him and that I was ready to work things out should he decide he wanted to fix things. Forgiveness never comes easy, but 9 years of working on something certainly has its advantages. And asking God to teach you to forgive every single day is another one!
The kids were used to not having their father around. When R still lived with us, he was out most of the time. Spending everyday at work, in the gym, and who-knows-where-else. So yes, the distance didn't seem like a new thing when the separation happened.
2. RL IS GOD'S LITTLE BUNDLE OF JOY. Our little boy has been a constant joy to us. A and I love him dearly, and although so much of who he is reminds me of his father, he is certainly a son of God. I have been praying for him constantly, and have promised to teach him how to respect women and how to be a good and responsible provider, son, husband and father.
3. GOD'S BLESSINGS ABOUND! The past year has been amazing! I might have lost my husband to his self-absorbed decision to move away and fool around, but what I've received in return has overshadowed all that I've lost. Truly, blessed are those who are persecuted for doing right! I know I am not deserving of all the blessings I have received in the past months, but God must think otherwise. Over three months ago, my uncle offered to have us live in his somewhat-new townhouse for FREE! Yes, after years of throwing away thousands (maybe even millions!) of pesos to rent, dues and utilities, I am now on my way to paying my debts and being debt-free. Thanks to my uncle whose kind heart has made me see how God uses people! My aunt also worked out a way for me to pay off tuition and past dues by releasing dividends from the life insurance plans I have with her. Plus, in the past month alone, we were given a free 30" LCD, a free aircon, a free trip to the mainland, another free trip end of next month, plus I won a celphone from an online promo on Facebook! Amazing! God is not only close to the brokenhearted, I tell you, He is SUPER close. Haha!
So yes, we are in the process of dealing with and adjusting to the new changes in our lives. My little family has now settled into our new home. I know A and I are still adjusting to non-condo life (we've caught a gigantic spider, killed 3 small snakes, fumigated for extra large dengue-looking mosquitoes and had 2 maya birds in the master's bedroom already), but the little one seems happy with the change. He has more room to play, and has mastered counting the steps to the 2nd floor and attic already. Every day to him is a new adventure. I guess it's an adventure to all of us, since God's mercies are new every morning. In spite of the pain, we wake up with a fresh load of grace to tackle the day.
Three weeks ago, R decided to move to another city (I think I mentioned this in last week's post). Although I must admit I wasn't too keen on accepting the news, since this would only mean free rein on whatever escapade he has up his sleeve. It was a change we welcomed. I no longer have to deal with his constant bickering on what needs to be done (he nags each time he visits, ha! That, or he'd lazy-around and watch TV for a good 5 minutes, then leave). At least every contact now is a bit more pleasant. He is nicer on the phone, plus he misses the kids. Oh and it is way easier to pray for someone who doesn't irk you constantly. Haha! The kids are ok with this, although A is mostly unsure of what she really feels (she says, "Maybe in December, I'll miss him..." or something to that effect). But overall, we're ok.
Not to say that I don't get caught up in the tangle of emotions sometimes. Just last week, I was feeling down after realizing that being alone isn't such a cool thing. But God fills in the gaps. The void is quickly replaced by love. My kids are adorable and I am feeling marvelous!
So cheers to change. Like I've said in the past, change is a good thing. Or wait, scratch that. Change can be a great thing. ;)
A week before our big move up north, we took a side-trip to Robinson's Galleria for some home shopping. We had to buy knobs and lighting fixtures for the new house. A and I got hungry and decided to have dinner at good ol' Goldilocks. I've noticed the change in their logo a few months back, and knew that the transition from old to new has long been expected. We live in a world where change is constant, so much so that we find ourselves catching up in order to keep up. But you know how people always say "It might look like I've changed, but deep down, I'm still the same ol' me"? Well, that's exactly what happened with good ol' Goldilocks. It got a well-deserved face lift - a fresh face to match our ever-changing times, BUT has remained the classic same-old. Thank goodness, I say! Goldilocks is classic comfort food at its best!
The moment I took my first bite, I was overwhelmed by a feeling of assurance. I've been having second thoughts about moving, with so many things unsure. Transition is always hard, especially when you're so used to what has always been there. It's the same when R and I first separated. There were so many things I was unsure of. With the help of friends, I took my first step on shaky ground. Eventually, I realized all was well. I still had my kids, and that's what's important. I wasn't the one who lost a family, R did.
But while we were having dinner at Goldilocks, I had the chance to think things through. We may be moving to a new city; we may be getting a change of pace, a new, fresh change, but my family would always be with me. We'd still be the same old K, the same old A, the same old RL. And yes, I will still wake up to the same smiling faces - of kids that love and adore me.
Things in life may not remain the same forever, but the change could be a good kind of change. Good change brings out the best in people. And when you finally get to sit back and reflect on it, you'll see that the change did indeed do you good.
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