Back and Back to the ER!

It's time to start writing again. I couldn't find time to write the past two or so weeks, or has it been a month? I tried to fit in a post or two in between a very, very, VERY hectic schedule at work this past month, but only managed to get a couple or so in. The good news is: I'm back! And I hope I get to post regularly until the year ends and of course, after that.

The kids and I attempted to have a relaxing long weekend (after the week that passed, and the stress someone's visit caused), but we spent almost the whole afternoon of Sunday at the Emergency Room. A woke up with a fever Saturday and broke out in rashes after lunch. I tried to pass it off as something non-crucial, but then she woke up burning Sunday morning.

While waiting for the Doctor...

In ISOLATION, because they wanted to make sure it wasn't something contagious.

She hates needles!

Bad rash, but not itchy. We were sent home with a prescription for Paracetamol.

It turns out I was right. She got the same rash and virus RL had earlier this year (she had it back then only milder). Apparently, this has been going around lately and she was actually not the only kid at the ER with this. It isn't Dengue or the new Chikungunya disease, but I had her tested for Dengue just the same. The rash is not contagious once it breaks out. We were sent home with orders to rest and a prescription for Paracetamol, in case her fever persists.

We paid about P3,200 for the ER consultation, CBC and Dengue NS-1 test. My friend, whose son also had the rashes Sunday, took her son to another hospital and paid about P1,600 for just the CBC and consultation. And although the added expense will mess up my budget, it doesn't hurt to pay extra for peace of mind.

I hope and pray that the rest of the year will be illness-free!   

Have your kids been sick lately? How much are ER fees at your hospital of choice? I am thinking of getting extensions to our health card (currently covers me only). What's a good option?

Short Visit

I know it's getting old, but please excuse the absence. See, R came home Friday night, and spent his birthday weekend with the kids. Let me rephrase that. R came home unannounced and required extra grace.

I am usually ok with surprise visits, provided that you treat your host with respect. He was okay Friday and Saturday, but Sunday, on his birthday, he treated us like sh*t. Forget that he wanted to spend time with his children, and that he had asked if he could go to church with us, or treat us out to lunch. He fell asleep in church, made a ruckus by taking the emergency exit when the pastor was in the middle of his message (causing the guard and another pastor to run after him, ayayay!), and demanded that we stop asking him to buy anything else, after he had spent a total of P105.00 for A's Quickly drink and RL's banana shake.

And so, the next few days were similar. He would get pissed because of this and that - forgetting he was no longer man of the house but a house guest. He helped himself to our pantry, stuffing himself with cans of Spam, fancy cereal and fruits - even when the nanny told him we were saving those for RL's bento. I do not wish to be greedy, but what should I feel when this man calls me out on P105.00 when I spend over 1000x on tuition, and even more for utilities, food, etc on a daily basis?!

Really, why do I even allow this?

I'm all for being nice, and fighting for my family. But I draw the line when the kids are involved - when they are affected and when he treats even his own with little respect.

He had an allergy attack Wednesday, and couldn't breathe. We were trying to calm him down, and administer medication, but he just kept yelling. I saw a glimpse of my future right there. My friends would always tease me how they foresee him coming home to us when he is old, sick and disabled. Oh please. I don't think I want a grumpy, old man for a husband. Really, where is the man I married? I do not see the old R in him anymore.

What am I saying here? This man - this man who keeps on invading our space, only when he feels like it, no longer belongs here. He is a different person. A stranger. I no longer know this man.

I want to be nice, but he's making it so difficult to even be civil.

I am glad the visit was short. Nevertheless, I am thankful it happened. It has opened my eyes, and has given me resolve. It's funny how wisdom comes right when reality hits you in the face.

This is it, pancit. 

The Big Book of Backlog.

I haven't been blogging, I know.
I'm in a spin and my life is a blur.
Let me list down the things on my to-write list.

An easy-to-cook meal helper post.
Forgive me, please, my dear PR friend.
When you invited me, it slipped my mind...
That the brand competes with a brand we own.
And yet I love the product (no longer new, well... NOW),
And I promise I shall write a nice review.

Albeit late.

I hope you understand. I need my day job.

A nice and effective alternative to a great product.
My friend, you forgot to send me that update.

A review on a product I love, but I can't find the photos and the price list.
A new beauty service at a posh salon.
A friend's online store.

Five.
That's not bad
I think.
Plus that talk I attended this week. One I am itching to write about, but just can't because I don't quite have my thoughts in order at the moment.

Am I missing a post I had promised to write for you? Let me know.

In the meantime, I've resolved not to accept any invites to events until I get these out of the way.

OH, TOMORROW, Please be good to me.

On the Mend

I've been feeling so emotional lately, and no, it is not that time of the month. Is it too soon to be going through a mid-life crisis? Nyar.

I cried on the way to work yesterday, and again, on the way home. I stayed an extra three hours in the office last night, because I wanted to de-stress. Yes, de-stressing in the office. Please don't judge. It isn't my kids, it is more like... well, everything.

I wrote this long re-telling of what is actually going on in my life right now, only to realize that you probably don't want to read a sob story that reeks of self-pity and what-not. So I read through it once and deleted it.

I've been here before. I've done this. I've done that. So why am I here again? I am overwhelmed with all the responsibilities that go with single parenting, and making sure my kids have a bright future ahead of them. I am tired of doing this on my own, and I am frustrated that R thinks it's okay with me to be taking over his role.

And yes, I suppose I needed a good, long cry. I've reached burnout. I am beyond exhausted. Yesterday, I looked at my life and thought, why?

I am broken, and it isn't a pretty sight.

So while I was waiting it out last night (I was working, thank you) encoding new releases, I came across this new song by Mandisa.


WHAT SCARS ARE FOR
Mandisa
from the album, Overcomer.

These scars aren't pretty, 
but they're a part of me, 
and will not ever fade away. 

These marks tell a story 
of me down in the valley, 
and how You reached in with Your grace 
and healed me. 

They remind me of Your faithfulness, 
and all You brought me through. 
They teach me that my brokenness 
is something You can use. 
They show me where I've been 
and that I'm not there any more. 
That's what scars, 
that's what scars are for. 

Erase, rewind... 
Wish I could every time. 
The hurt, the pain cuts so deep. 
But when I'm weak, You're strong, 
and in Your power, I can carry on. 
And my scars say that You won't ever leave. 

I see it on the cross... 
The nails You took for me. 
Scars can change the world... 
Scars can set me free.


And you know, it was like the Holy Spirit reaching down and enveloping me with God's grace. You won't believe the peace that I felt after reading the lyrics to this song.

Girl, I may be broken, but My God is strong. And these scars, regardless of how big and ugly they are, He will use for something big and beautiful.

Do you not know? 
Have you not heard? 
The Lord is the everlasting God, 
the Creator of the ends of the earth. 
He will not grow tired or weary, 
and his understanding no one can fathom. 
He gives strength to the weary 
and increases the power of the weak. 
Even youths grow tired and weary, 
and young men stumble and fall; 
but those who hope in the Lord 
will renew their strength. 
They will soar on wings like eagles; 
they will run and not grow weary, 
they will walk and not be faint. 
(ISAIAH 40:28-31)

I think I just learned how to soar.