*
i received news from F. he'll be posted in sweden soon. wow. i suppose that means i cannot go and visit. it'll be too expensive and well... far. he wants to do coffee soon. i am wary, because i don't want him to see me cry. i thought we had ended our friendship when we fought last year. but sometime in january (was it?), he called and sounded distressed. and you know what? i wasn't there for him. i told him off. told him i didn't want to play his game. and that i didn't want to be his friend. and that i've had enough of his charades. i no longer want him telling me that tomorrow is a brand new day. and yet, here he is... he is here now - for me. right when i need him the most. :(
i dunno. am i doing the right thing? he was, still is, my best friend. but i still feel we shouldn't be seeing each other because it leaves us both confused. he tries to convince me to leave and i, well, i dunno.
G's phones are all out of order. i have no one to talk to about my rey-woes and what-nots. oh well, she will never understand anyway. she did say she was never in the same position so she will never know what to say. at work though, JO enlightened me somehow today. J and i spent a good hour discussing "things" with him, and he gave a lot of eye-openers. i never thought he'd be that, but i suppose sometimes, we are just wrong about our impressions. but then, i can never tell anyone everything. and besides, i want to tell R. it's just that, he never listens. so anyway, here i am, sitting in front of my work pc, blogging about my woes. i cannot and will not shut up, because my insides are literally screaming!
but right now, to keep the peace... i will do it the silent way. yes, i will blog my woes away.
mood: still depressed
love-o-meter: broken
resolve: to be quiet and gentle. and to wait for God's perfect time.
No comments:
Post a Comment