We Can Do This Together...

we can do this together. that's all the text message said. yes, a message i received 6 years ago. we were at kimpura, and our parents were talking about what should happen next. i no longer knew what to do then. and it's exactly the same feeling i am having right now. and yet, back then, he came through. all i had to do was trust his words. we can do this together.

~~~

i gave another mini-speech last night. this time, he listened. and i hope this time, it pierced his heart. i feel so alone. so frustrated because i know it's all in there. the old him. shadowed by all that pride. i looked at him lying there in the dark, his hand on his head. i could feel it coming. his breathing was heavy and i knew it was about to happen again. but it didn't. his hand remained on his head, and i am thankful. i've had enough of that. God knows it does not overshadow the emotional pain. and i hope he knows it too.

how many nights have i been crying myself to sleep? i can no longer count. :( i am really dying inside. all i have to hold on to are empty promises. yes, empty and hollow, i know them to be lies the moment they leave his mouth. and he stays there, blank-faced. with no emotions. and i cry again. i am tired and my heart is weak. will this never end?

we can do this together. i hear him whisper in my dreams.