The silence is deafening, but I am used to it. We already know what silence means. It is not because he doesn't have load. More like because he is busy with something or rather, someone new. It is the way it is. It has been like this for the past so and so years. Then he gets tired after a week or so and will be in touch again. He'll try to make up for the silence and will send caring messages. But is that enough, really?
For the kids? No.
Take today for example. I found RL a Jojo Circus book from BookSale. We read the book after dinner and got to the part where Jojo introduces her parents. When I asked him to point to Jojo's daddy, he points; makes a face and asks "Where's daddy? Mine?" then answers his own question with "Wala naaaaa." I am not even sure how he'll take it when he's bigger. A has pics of her dad with her (she has tons) while RL has... 3. He has more pictures with my youngest brother!
It bites. :(
A is pretending not to care, but everytime my mobile phone rings or pings, she'd say "Is that dad?" only to pretend once again that she doesn't care when it isn't him. I mean, how do you remedy the situation? I'm tired of reprimanding him about his priorities, because really, how do you convince a man blinded by lust and infatuation? Ok, maybe love. LOL.
It gets tiring. That, plus I don't want him thinking I care. I only care about my kids. And if it hurts them, it hurts me. I cannot understand how he sees past that. But I will not attempt to find out. I am in this season of my life where I know that I cannot change anyone. And I definitely cannot change R nor his concept of fatherhood. I can only pray for extra grace to get over the hump, and hope that tomorrow will be a better day.
:( It takes a special kind of asshole to do that to beautiful kids. hayaan mo kaye. our god is a God of love but he is also a god of justice. u cannot inflict pain on anyone and think u can get away with it. hugs...
ReplyDeleteHay nako! my sister had a husband just like yours. It literally drove her nuts. I wish she was strong like you. I wish she accepted things earlier and let go when she still had self respect.
ReplyDeleteok, kakatapos ko lang basahin almost all ur blogs, i just have 1 question. why are you not suing him for support? violence to women and children ang hindi pagbigay ng support. it is not for you pero karapatan ng bata yun. and since absentee dad sha, kung nagbibigay ng sustento yung guy atleast the kids will know na important pa rin sila sa tatay. shempre hindi na nila dpat malaman na kaya lang nagbigay ng suporta is because he was forced to. keeping your marriage open for reconcillation is up to you, you should not be judged pero the financial support of the kids from their father is their right. maybe kaya wala shang pagalinlangan sa pambababae kse kahit mabuntis nya wala sha takot magkaron ng resposibilidad pagnabuntis nya since walang naghahabol. if im a guy matatakot ako magkalat ng lahi, minimum 25% ng salary ko automatic kaltas. if im as selfish as he is, that will definitely suck!
ReplyDeleteI've already consulted a handful of lawyers on this one. Sadly, in this country, you first have to prove that the man has assets for you to go after. Sadly, this man doesn't. If ever he does, it's not in his name. We've already checked.
ReplyDeleteIt's a long story, but all I can say is I've done that. And I really, really appreciate your comment, because you say it the way my mom says it.
It gets really tiring to text and remind him all the time, and if I'm just going to spend my good money and won't get a single cent for my kids, wag nalang. I shall spare myself the stress and pain.
But really, it's more of time over financial obligations. That's what matters more to my kids.
erase him from ur life completely...tell ur kids he wont be coming home anymore...its going to be painful at first but they will get used to it eventually...eh ung ganyan kawawa ung daughter mo kse paulit ulit nag eexpect at nadidisappoint. One thing na I think hindi mo pa ginagawa is give him an ultimatum...kse the way I see it kaya nya paulit ulit ginagawa sau yan coz he know na u r still there holding on no matter what... nakakabilib ka pero hindi na uso yan kse sobra na eh... there are still few good men out there and u definitely deserve one. start a new life. ilang years ko na follow ung blog mo same old story lang at kawawa ung mga anak mo. God is good I know maiintindihan nya un. Ur husband is an evil person and he does'nt deserve ur love or ur kids love and respect. Be Happy! Be completely happy and that would start by cutting the biggest source of ur unhappiness. May God Bless You Always :)
ReplyDeletefound your blog through your comment on another blog. I just have to say, I really admire your optimism and faith.
ReplyDeleteWhat do you tell your kids when their father acts that way? Because really, what's worse than being a deadbeat dad is being a deadbeat dad na palitaw (lulubog-lilitaw). It just sends the kids on a roller-coaster of emotions and disillusions them at such an early age.
Sorry your kids are having to go through this. Kids are surprisingly resilient though and in my experience, they are able to handle more honesty than most adults.
My dad was a bit like that although he didn't play upon our emotions like your husband (ex?) seems to do. Palitaw din siya but our situation wasn't sugarcoated by either him or my mom. It was what it was and we kids came out fine naman (or so we think. :p). But yes, now on hindsight, I appreciate the honesty that my parents had of our situation because we never had any false hopes or expectations and we learned not to hinge our happiness on the whims and fancies of our dad. Don't get me wrong, I love my dad very much but I knew then the limitations of his being a parent towards us so I did not have to go through disappointment after disappointment.
found your blog from fashion pulis and immediately bookmarked you. i hope you will not turn this into private. i am in an early stage of hopefully not similar situation as you. i want to see how you did it. i'm still living with my husband and i have not seen any proof that he's having an affair except text messages before..we're trying to live a normal life now but even if we're in one roof, he is so busy sa pagbubuhay binata that sometimes i cry out of frustration for my son. i still love him but i cry more for my son. i just hope that for our case, we did not end in the same way as yours. i just hope that he really is not having an affair.
ReplyDeleteTo Anonymous who just posted a comment on this post today: I am sorry but I will not publish your comment because it has R's present location. And for matters of security, I hope you understand why I cannot approve the comment. I understand and appreciate your thoughts however, and know what you mean about the kids being the last priority. Don't worry about it, because although I do feel bad for the kids sometimes, there are other people in their lives filling up the void he has left. Thanks and God bless you!
ReplyDeleteyes, i forgot to tell you not to post my comment, it was just for you. :D
ReplyDelete