What He Doesn't Know...

You know how they say "What you don't know won't hurt you"? Well, I've been thinking about RL and what he doesn't know.

RL's been obsessed with having a dad lately. And well, the first 3 years of his life, he was okay with not knowing (or actively having) one.

First and only photo of father and son. Until RL turned 3.

Taken early 2012, during one of his visits to Manila. 

When R came home unexpectedly over the Christmas holidays, we were surprised to see how RL took to his dad immediately. He wasn't even shy, nor did he need warming up to R. In fact, he stayed up past 2am to watch his dad unpack. The very next day, he went out to the courtyard and announced proudly to our neighbors how he now has a daddy.

It bites. This innocent, little boy knows nothing of his father's sins.

And I write about this today because RL has been calling his dad a lot, sometimes more than 3x a week. I caught A discouraging the little boy Monday night, "Don't call daddy na, he will not answer" (and there are days when he doesn't, leaving RL calling and calling until I catch him and tell him his dad's probably asleep or busy). But RL is persistent and waits until R picks up, and he rattles off about school and how he wants to go to Jollibee and the palengke, plus all the usual stuff a boy normally tells his dad. I leave the room because I don't want R to think this was my doing. I've actually given up on him. It's true. I hardly ever answer his calls, and if I do, I make sure it's a minute long, tops (don't ask; let's just say this broken heart's tired).

A tells me later that their dad promised he'd be home by end-June. Ah, yes! Another promise waiting to be broken. The last time he spoke to RL about coming home, he did say "next week", which was over two months ago. And the last time I had a decent conversation with him, he mentioned he was busy and had to postpone coming home.

So anyway, here we were with another promise - a promise the little boy is holding on to. He says he's going "driving" with his dad - an activity that thrills him to no end. And yet, it is a promise that holds no promise (do you get what I mean)? It may not happen. Again.

Driving with daddy! The little boy's favorite Father and Son activity!

I am sure you are doing a "tsk, tsk" and are probably thinking - "K naman, you of little faith". Let me say it again. I am tired.

But RL knows nothing. He probably has no concept of time, aside from what happened yesterday and what happens later today and tomorrow. I know he'll most likely forget that his dad gave him a timeline. All he knows is that his dad is coming home, and that he isn't home yet.

So what happens tomorrow when he finally realizes the truth? Or when he finally sees that the basket he's holding is brimming with empty and broken promises?

Sigh.

In other news, A told me the other day that she thinks she doesn't want her Father's Day post published on the blog. I skimmed through her notes and see how she's gone from adoring and very forgiving daughter to an obviously bitter and hurting one. She's eleven now, and I guess it has finally dawned on her. It's funny how a few years back, she had the same unconditional admiration. Her dad was her hero, and like RL, nothing could deter her from feeling anything but adoration for R.

Right now, his dad is his hero.

So tell me, should I intervene? I promised myself once that I will not allow RL to go through what A has gone through. And yet, here we are - at similar crossroads - weighing the consequences.

What RL doesn't know will eventually hurt him. But I don't have the heart to take what little he has of his dad away from him. In the meantime, I guess, we stay still, pray, and wait.