The Peace Within.

A close relative has been ignoring my calls and text messages. Things like these do not sit well with me. I cannot imagine how it is to hold grudges against anyone for soooo long. Much more so because I have no idea what she has against me. I've asked my siblings what they think it could be, but they can only shrug and wonder, too.

It pains me that someone could think ill of me for so long. I cannot even bring myself to stay mad at someone for more than a day. I made that promise to myself years ago, on the floor of the tiny walk-in closet at the old unit, when I struggled with forgiveness with R's womanizing. Today, I wonder how others can hold grudges for so long (years even!) over small trivial things, when I cannot even stay mad at R, in spite of his long list of wrongs.

There are a number of things I do to hold myself back when dealing with anger. Believe me when I say that I have been trying to control this area of my life. As they say, when you are quick to give in to anger, you are also quick to sin. And there are a lot of things I am regretful for when it comes to words I've lashed out while angry. Oh yes, there are a zillion things I regret saying. :(

So what do I do?

1. I breathe. Then I hold myself back. Or I walk away.

2. I give it to God.

3. I deal with the anger and work on forgiveness.

~~~

R has been away for half a month now. He moved to another city to rebuild his life, or so he says. I do not wish to question his motives, or what I see in the pictures concerned individuals send to me via email or links. There is no room for anger in my heart. I have learned in the 10 years of struggling to be a godly wife that yes, life is short. I refuse to live a life of bitterness.

So I am trying to be a friend to him. Even when other friends tell me to stand my ground and act like b*tch. I dunno, I am at peace with my situation. God has granted me serenity.

However, yesterday, when I was pondering on the situation with the relative, my thoughts brought me to pity (c'mon, I'm still human) and how I sometimes feel so alone. And once again, I asked God to take it all away. And He never fails to sweep me off from my pothole of misery. I do not understand the peace I have within. But then again, His Peace is the kind of Peace that passes all understanding. :)

Last night, while exchanging text messages with a good friend, I could only wonder what the future holds for me and my little family. We are not perfect individuals. But we have been blessed beyond measure! I have so much of a retelling to do on this topic! I know I owe my blog some updates! But really, the past few months have been miraculous, to say the least. I do not ponder on future possibilities with fear... I am eager and expectant! The peace in my heart tells me it's gonna be awesome. :)

Happy weekend!