Mother's Day

i didn't want to write about anything cliche, but i spent a good part of last night wishing i could just go to my mom, not tell her anything yet have her hug me. :( there at times when i can't sleep, i'd sit by A's bed and think about my mom. i'd wonder if she ever sat by my bed at night, just praying and hoping that i'd never get hurt. yes, i pray for protection for my daughters. i am scared they'll go through all that i've gone through and scared that they won't be as strong.

i look at myself today, and i wonder if i am a good mom. the past few weeks, i'd have to say i haven't been in tip top shape. as much as i would want to be there for my kids, a part of me has been drained out of love. i am tired. i am frustrated. i feel like i have no more to give since most of what i've had has been stripped away. i wonder about the future, and think about my life. their lives. will we ever survive?

i was telling the hubby on the way home from greenbelt last night that i am sure my parents never imagined this life for me. i am sure they had high hopes, great dreams. :( *sigh* if i cannot make my life better than at least it isn't too late to make sure this doesn't happen to my kids. i pray for protection; i pray for a good life. and if mother's day means i get one wish then that is what i'll wish for - good lives for them.