Be My Valentine?

I will not lie to you. I am not exactly looking forward to Friday. Well, I was. But then, Sunday happened and all of sudden, I realized I wouldn't have a date for Valentine's Day after all. Not the real date-date at least. Not that the kids and I haven't been spending Valentine's Day with each other the past so and so years. We took family dates the first few years R wasn't around, then realized we were just stressing ourselves out with the crowd, the wait, the traffic, and all the hassle the day of hearts brings.

Last year, A and I took home Quiznos hoagies for dinner. Meanwhile, RL went out with KY and my mom. He later came home with a box of doughnuts and some chocolates for us. And that, dear folks, is how it is on Valentine's Day.

Last year's Valentine's treat from my little boy and his achi.

This year? Well this year, I was supposed to go out on a date (!!!). Alas, my date had to leave to clear out some work issues in the province. And so, we're back to having take-out tomorrow. Or maybe I'll cook, since the nanny will be away (even she has a date!). Not that I was expecting something grand this year, but you know, things have been better, and although we're not exactly where we want to be, God sure knows how to fill the void.

Today, in a conversation with my favorite aunt about Valentine's and how she is spending it with friends, relegating her dinner date to the less-traffic weekend, she says "It's just tradition. Valentine's is every day, if you know how to make it so. It's not the day, it's the date - the person or people you are with."

And so, I realized I celebrated Valentine's with my man Saturday night. I had that Valentine's date after all.

If there is one thing I am thankful for each time this day comes around, it is this: I've never been without love. In fact, every year, I am reminded that I am blessed to have who I have. Plus, I am expectant! I know that one day, when that day finally comes and I get to spend Valentine's Day out on a date, I can look back and say, hey, those take-out, date-less Valentine's Days weren't so bad after all.

And with that, here's another giveaway to celebrate Hearts Day with you! I am giving one of my readers an brand new, original 16" Mickey Mouse Valentine's plush! You know the drill. Happy Valentine's Day, friends. You are loved.

Won't you please be Mickey's Valentine?

a Rafflecopter giveaway

This giveaway starts now! You have until 11:59PM of Sunday, February 18, to accomplish the steps required by Rafflecopter. I shall draw the winner the following day. You must use a valid email address when registering for Rafflecopter. I will use that email address to notify you, should you be my winner. This giveaway is open to anyone with a Philippine address.

Happy Valentine's Day!

A Lost Cause

I know I have not been blogging. And that you're probably wondering what's wrong. Aside from the fact that my daughter A has exams once again (I know, AGAIN!), but as I've said in previous posts, my life has come to a halt.

I still cannot explain exactly what that means, but maybe this will help you figure it out: I have had to deal with someone from the past. Yes, please go figure. And it hasn't been easy. Every single day is a battle of the wills - mine and God's. I've had to ask God over a thousand times for reason - for logic and purpose. For over a zillion doses of Grace (and yes, His mercies are new every morning!) just to get me through each day. My friend M has advised me to take each day one at a time, but it has been more like one minute at a time. Everyday, time just drags. At a pace that I sometimes can no longer stand. What is this, Lord? Why? Why now?

I must admit that I am not at peace with the situation I am currently in. Today, for example, when I spoke to this person, I couldn't help but feel pity. What a lost cause, I had thought to myself . It has been years since life threw lemons at this person - lemons as a result of bad choices. What day is it today? You could have turned your life around. But no, instead, you went on doing same old. And now, at your crossroads, what?

I wanted to say a million things today to drive this person away.

But the Holy Spirit made me see the situation in a different light. Nowhere to turn. This person has nowhere to go.

So today, I pray you find what it means to be loved by God. I may think you are a lost cause, but to God, you are a promise. He loves you more than anyone will ever do. And you are more important to him than you will ever be to me. He loves you. And His love should be enough.

This Season...

You guys won't believe it, so I will not go into the nitty-gritty. My life has come to a halt. I am taking everything a day at a time. I have no idea what to make of this. I did not expect this. The truth is, I have somewhat stopped praying about this.

In church yesterday, while talking to our pastor, I was reminded that God knows the desires of our heart, regardless of what we profess or say to be so. I suppose this is what it is - matters of the heart.

As much as I am excited, I cannot help but put up a wall to protect myself - protect my heart. I do not want to get hurt. And I don't want my kids to get hurt.

If I told you all that has happened, you won't even believe it. But God is a God of wonder - One who moves in ways we cannot even imagine. He is UNLIMITED.

Lord, I don't know what this is, but I trust You are in charge, and I trust You know exactly what this is and where this will go. I am taking that leap of faith. Let's do this!

Happy MOM's Day!

Photo from: 1800baskets.com

I am having a very busy week. So let me go ahead and greet all my mommy friends a Happy Mother's Day! (Lest I forget to drop by tomorrow)

Cheers to all the self-sacrificing, selfless, nurturing, loving, compassionate, hardworking and beautiful mothers out there! YOU ARE LOVED AND BLESSED!

Proverbs 31:28 "Her children rise up and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her."


PS. I will be back on the blog on Monday. :) Have a great weekend!

AB Marriage/ BS Parenting

Do you ever wonder why one would need years of training to become a professional and yet none to be a spouse or parent? I mean, look at doctors, bankers, etc. A doctor takes years of school and training; bankers have at least four; heck, even an office assistant needs at least two years of vocational school to start work! Whereas some couples go into marriage and parenting without relationship and nurturing credentials to their name. So yes, did you ever wonder why?

A lot of marriages today fail because, let's face it, couples rush into it unprepared. Why should one or two pre-wedding seminars suffice? If a spouse's role or a parent's role is most vital in a person's life, then, why, pray tell, do we go into unions as novice and not experts?

I should know as I rushed into marriage as well - unprepared for what was to be my role for the rest of my life. I remember when, after R and I started having problems (the bigger ones that count), my friend F told me about how we should seek counseling or attend family seminars to save our marriage. I had pushed the idea aside, thinking I knew better, when really, I knew nothing about saving marriages and keeping my family intact.

R and I have been 'physically' separated for about 2+ years now. Nothing could have prepared us (kids included) for what was to come after he left. Communication was hard (we always ended up on each other's nerves) and visits were nil (especially when he moved South). And I suppose, the hardest thing for a parent was to explain the situation to the kids (more for A, but RL has been asking more about his dad lately). If I was unprepared to be a mom, how much more a single mom! I needed help. I sought the advice of friends and family, and although I appreciate their opinion and take on my situation, most didn't know exactly what I had to go through (as most, in fact, none of them knew how it was to be separated - I am blessed with friends in healthy, godly marriages, ha!).

If parenting is hard for couples, what more for those who have to tackle being BOTH mom AND dad alone? Single parenting is tough. Having a family is no joke. It is the basic unit that affects every individual. I want to be the best parent I can be to my kids, but really, I can only do so with God's grace. I don't even know how and where to start! So I reiterate, why do we go into starting a family unequipped?

Apparently, I am not alone in this thought. Last year, three friends saw the need to help couples prepare themselves for marriage and parenting. They got together to organize what is to be the first-ever FAMILY CONGRESS in the Philippines, happening on August 25, 2012.

Meet Maribel Dionisio, Rowie Matti and Fides Reyes - the organizers behind this big event. I got the privilege of meeting the three ladies during a parenting talk a few Saturdays ago. Maribel Dionisio co-organized the 1st Ateneo Family Congress in 2005. The desire to educate couples and parents spurred her desire to put up FAMILY CONGRESS 2012 - BFF: BUILDING THE FILIPINO FAMILY. With the help of organizing expert, Fides Reyes (F.I.D. Event Services) and educator, Rowie Matti (Galileo Enrichment Learning Program), Maribel hopes to help educate Filipino families about relationships and love.

The Family behind FAMILY CONGRESS 2012!
Clockwise from Top:  Maribel S. Dionisio, Ma. Rowena J. Matti and Fides M. Reyes

FAMILY CONGRESS 2012 aims to provide a venue for learning by gathering the best experts in the field of psychology, parenting, and relationship to share their knowledge to family members, educators and organizations in the most effective and simplest way.

Check out the line up of talks, speakers and activities during this whole-day affair:

AM Sessions:
* Migrating and Managing the Digital World by Queena Lee-Chua, Ph.D.
* Handling the Bully and the Bullied by Honey Carandang, Ph.D.
* Built for Forever: Preparing Singles for a Lifetime Relationship by Rissa Singson-Kawpeng
* Teen Talk about Love, Sex, and Dating by Dan and Nabelle Caballes
* From Wellness to Wholeness (for adults 21 & up) by Harriet Hormillosa, M.A.   
PM Sessions:
* Being Friends Forever in Marriage: Learning the Art of Fighting by Allan Dionisio, M.D. and Maribel Dionisio, M.A.
* Teaching Parents to Talk to Kids & Teens about Crushes, Sex & Relationship by Michelle Alignay. M.A. and Aiza Tabayoyong
* Managing Teen Emotions by Obet Cabrillas
* Career, Relationship, and Life Plan for Singles by Pia Nazareno-Acevedo 
* Beyond the Tears: Griefwork by Cathy Babao-Guballa

All registered participants get to choose one session in the morning, and another in the afternoon. Aside from these 2 sessions, guests will also get to hear inspirational messages from Archbishop Luis Antonio Tagle and motivational speaker, Francis Kong!

How I wish they started having this 10 years ago! But then, it's never too late to learn the ropes on how to nourish a lifetime commitment. At least now, I know better.

FAMILY CONGRESS 2012 - BFF: BUILDING THE FILIPINO FAMILY will be held on August 25, 2012, from 8AM to 5PM, at the Valle Verde Country Club, Pasig City. It is presented by The Love Institute, in partnership with Galileo Enrichment Learning Program and F.I.D. Event Services.

Early Bird Rate I (register on or before April 30): P1300
Early Bird Rate II (register between May 1 to June 30): P1400
Regular Rate: P1500 per attendee
Promo Rate: 6+1! (Pay for 6, get 1 FREE, based on regular rate of P1500 each)

Registration fee is inclusive of seminar fee, meals an loads of swag!

For more information on FAMILY CONGRESS 2012, call the following numbers:
(02) 579-0100
(0917) 897-2903
(0922) 252-1896

Email: familycongress@gmail.com
Twitter: @FamCong2012
Facebook: /FamilyCongress

Happy Hearts Day!

May your heart find fulfillment in The One who brings you real joy. :) Happy Valentines Day!

Seasons of a Woman's Life

February is love month, but I'd like to think we should celebrate love everyday :).

To celebrate the season of love, the series in church is all about, yep, you guessed it, LOVE. Yesterday, Pastor Dennis and his wife Thammie talked about marriage.

I got to church early (right after the 230pm service) and got RL to sleep while waiting for the next service. I was really, really tired and sleepy. I was trying so hard not to doze off. After praise and worship, Pastor Jason and his wife Kat led the congregation in prayer (and I asked God to keep me awake!). The feeling after was quite a surprise. I felt so hyper after the prayer, it was like drinking 3 cups of coffee! Thank you for that quick answer, Lord.

I guess the Lord wanted me to hear the message yesterday. And I know it was indeed for me. Pastor Dennis started the message and half an hour later, he had Thammie talk to the women in the theatre. It was Thammie's first time to give the message (not the first time on stage as she regularly leads Worship), and she's quite a good speaker.

SEASONS

Anyone goes through different seasons in life. A woman's would be single-hood, courtship, engagement, married life, motherhood with little kids, etc. Different seasons. Some stay in a certain season for years. Others breeze through seasons! I remember attending a talk by Kay Warren (wife of Rick Warren of Purpose Driven Life) many years ago at CCF and she talked specifically on this. She shares that regardless of the season of life you are in, God is in control. The way to get through each season is to find joy regardless of the season you are in.

I AM IN A SEASON OF SEPARATION. HOW DO I FIND JOY IN THAT?

Thammie, in her message yesterday, shares the same thing as Warren does, but goes further by quoting John 10:10. Regardless of the season you are in, God wants you to experience life to the full. "I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full." Jesus came for that very reason - that we may live our life to the fullest! The bible does not say "when you finally find the man of your dreams, you will live life to the full," nor does it say "once your husband finally changes and comes back, you find fulfillment." Find Jesus, and eventually joy, in your mess of a marriage!

Two things struck me the most in Thammie's message.

1) WE MUST BE READY AT ANY GIVEN TIME. The Lord spreads out opportunities for us in a given lifetime. We must always be ready, regardless of the season we're in. Sometimes, the opportunity is there, but we miss it, because we are not ready to receive it. Case in point: R's brush with death circa August 2009. It was a chance for him to change. A chance for us to get back together. However, now that I think about it, I WASN'T READY. Look at how we still bicker at the trivial stuff. I haven't changed. The change has to come from me first. Why so? Because I am the Christian and I should know better. Sadly, I missed the boat. I praise God for making me realize this during Thammie's message!

2) BEAUTY COMES FROM A HEART OVERFLOWING WITH LOVE. This was a footnote Thammie mentioned. She talked about how people in love "bloomed". How brides seem to glow, and how this all boils down to the high feeling one gets when "in love". I take it as the best beauty advice I've ever heard. I remember when R and I first got together, and how our officemates would comment on how I glowed. I suppose the best glow would come from the One who gives beauty at its best. I vow to find that glow in falling in love with my God.

I may be in a season of melancholy (well, that's the popular emotion that goes along with separation), but I choose joy over sadness! Follow me on my journey as I find beauty and purpose in the season God has blessed me with.

HE IS IN CONTROL.

Struggling with Forgiveness.

It is almost 6pm, and I have been trying to finish the business plan for a principal all day. But my mind is elsewhere. I hate it when this happens.

As I've mentioned yesterday, there are a zillion things going on, and my mind is spinning with thoughts of what-ifs. Yes, this is not me. I am more on acting on my troubles. I don't sit quietly and wait. But God is telling me to wait. Sadly, my tongue is faster than a speeding bullet (SuperTongue!). Nyar.

So today, I sit here struggling. How can I wait on the Lord when my insides are screaming and my head feels like it is about to explode? Grabe - that is all i can say right now. For 6 years, I have been faced with similar troubles, and with each pain, I struggled with forgiveness. Pastor D, when talking about forgiveness two Sunday services ago, pointed out that when one forgives, he or she must learn not to be historical. Forgiveness entails forgetting it ever happened. Heck, I don't even know where and how to begin. The first time I ever had to deal with anything, I struggled with the thought for two whole years. And I only started to forget about the pain that incident caused me because it was replaced by something even bigger! I'm sorry, Pastor D, but when you mentioned it in your message, I wanted to raise my hand and say "but wives are only historical when history repeats itself!"

And you know what, each time I am faced with a new, yet similar situation, I am reminded of each situation in the past. How, oh how, in the world will I act, think and speak as if it never happened? When I attended Tita T's wake back in November, I met up with L who asked about R. R was still in the US that time. I told her about how I know the devil will not sit on this opportunity to attack our family (as he's done so several times in the past) and that I know all I can really do is pray. She reminded me about my prayer several years ago when I decided to change my perspective on R's life - pray for a forgiving heart.

And since then, I've been asking the Lord for just that... for the grace to show him unconditional and agape love - one that surpasses all understanding. But there are times when I sit there thinking about all that he has done and I find myself with no more love and forgiveness to give. :( But amidst all the anger and pain, I cannot find it in my heart to seek revenge. I have been accused of many, many things. I have been accused of destroying his reputation, of telling my daughter that she has a bad father, of creating Friendster accounts to malign him, of texting his friends about his evil ways, etc. Yes, many things. But you, reader of my blog, know very well how much I love him, how I'd fight for my family, and even how I admit my husband is the better parent! How can someone seeking to protect her family, destroy it by planting evil into it's very core?

I've learned a great deal of things this week - issues I cannot seem to let go of. It has shattered my impression of R and a number of people he's dealt with in the past and present. I cannot even begin to understand why. And it hasn't all sunk in. But my insides are screaming. And screaming. And screaming. Yes, I am struggling with forgiveness. This time, it is doubly hard. For the past two days, I've tried avoiding him. I've stopped talking to him, hugging him, calling him, etc - even when God has prodded me to show him unconditional love.

You know how your kids disobey and yet, even when you want to get mad for the rest of your life, you just can't? Well, it's the same with R. I just can't. I now see him through my Father's eyes... Okay, I am trying to see him that way. I know I have to forgive him and I do. But I can't say I completely have, because I am still struggling with the thought of it all. No, I don't know where to begin. So i read through my blogs, and I read through the emails I sent him when he was in the US. Because i needed to re-learn how to let go and let God.

So the other night, I listed down Ways on How to Wait Patiently on the Lord. I came up with twelve.

1. BE QUIET AND GENTLE. (1 Peter 3:1-4) *struggle* I can't even hold my tongue! Today, as he left for the gym, I kept muttering "Ang kapal nya a! Grabe! Grabe!"

2. DEFEAT THE DEVIL BY PRAISING GOD IN ALL THINGS - IN ALL SITUATIONS. My father once told me that the devil wants to see if we will still cleave to the Lord even when our situations seem bleak. So you defeat the devil by praising God in spite of your situation.

3. RESIST THE TEMPTATION TO NAG, LECTURE, TALK ABOUT PAST HURTS, ETC. *struggle* Like I said, I am not only historical when history repeats itself. Sometimes, I even get hysterical. :P

4. PRAY! (James 5:16) Need I tell you how prayer can move mountains? Also, the other night I realized that each time I prayed, I prayed about R. I realized that my prayer time became all about R and no longer about God and me. The events in my life are also about my relationship with the Lord, so I quickly had to acknowledge that and changed the contents of my prayers.

5. KNOW THAT GOD IS AT WORK EVEN WHEN WE DO NOT SEE IT. Funny thing happened a few weeks ago. I was struggling with a revelation (something I've been praying for for weeks but have not seen results to) so I confronted R about it only to find out that God has already taken care of the situation. Napahiya tuloy ako.

6. READ THE BIBLE AND EQUIP SELF WITH THE POWER OF GOD'S WORD. PUT ON THE ARMOR OF GOD. (Deuteronomy 17:19) See, I even found a verse to go with this. Thanks to my daily quiet time, hehe.

7. LOVE UNCONDITIONALLY. SHOW GOD'S AGAPE LOVE. (Romans 5:8) I was just telling S on Wednesday night... "God forgives us each time we fall short, I want to do the same thing for R." Amazing love.

8. FORGIVE. 24/7. Yea, yea... the non-historical, non-hysterical kind.

9. WWJD. ALWAYS THINK ABOUT WHAT JESUS WILL DO IN THE SAME SITUATION... THEN DO THAT.

10. TRUST IN GOD AND SEE THAT VICTORY IS NEAR! Back in 2004, when R and I started having difficulties, I'd stand on our balcony and swear on giving up. But fancy how Cityland Mega Plaza would always be in view, with Cityland's signature "IN GOD WE TRUST" motto shouting reminders at me - telling me to put my trust in God, not in men.

11. DO NOT TAKE THINGS INTO YOUR OWN HANDS. THE LORD IS AT WORK. *struggle* Like I said, I am not the type who'd sit around and mope. I want action. In fact, if I didn't want to do things God's way right now, I'd call someone right now to give her a good piece of my mind. Ha! But God is steering my ship.

12. DON'T LOSE COURAGE OR BE AFRAID. THE LORD IS FIGHTING FOR YOU! (Deuteronomy 20:3-4) Yes, with God as Commander-in-Chief, great is the army fighting for me!

I've often wondered why I have to go through so many troubles. The answer came a few months ago when a friend started going through similar pain. Then a few weeks ago, I got a message from an old acquaintance asking for counselling on her marriage. God is using me to reach out to others and to show them His love. I am comforted by this and even encouraged to know that others are looking to me for strength and answers.

Yes, yes... amazing grace and comfort has come my way - enough to sustain me and give strength enough for each day. I am not Wonderwoman or Supergirl, and I am still struggling with my own pain and how to truly forgive, but the decision to stay and wait on the Lord is FINAL. I will not give up. When any outsider sees how evil has taken over and how ugly this whole thing has become, they'd easily push for divorce or separation. But God is very clear (yes, S, he is!) when He says He HATES divorce. I will do this for God. So in my struggle, let Him be glorified. In my pain, let the devil be defeated with praise. J was right when she told S that I wasn't expecting my rewards on earth. I just want my family to experience God's limitless, unconditional love. That is the legacy I want to leave behind. That is the legacy I choose to leave behind. I am being pruned by the Lord, but at least I will learn the lesson of forgiveness well.

2 Corinthians 1:3-4
Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. God is the Father who is full of mercy and all comfort. He comforts us every time we have trouble, so when others have trouble, we can comfort them with the same comfort God gives us.