Setting Direction

I remember about 3 months or so ago, when I decided to take a break from my problems, I thought that nothing worse could go wrong... and that what I had to go through then would be the final installment in R's book of wrongs. Alas, I have been proven wrong by recent twists in this, well... apparently, never-ending saga.

I no longer know what to think. My only concern is to keep my kids safe and away from what is happening. Especially A, who is smart enough to understand that something is out of place. :( I couldn't sleep last night. I tried to stay away from the news. I was told that it is now in court. I am all for women's rights, but. BUT! Sigh. This woman is the reason why my children cannot see their father. She has suddenly equipped me with all the reasons to go after her. And a women's rights group is siding with her, negating the fact that she, in a way, caused the break-up of not one, but two homes. Yes, innocent lives of innocent children. If that isn't abuse, then what is?! I am so tempted to speak out. But as with all other women from R's past, I am not like her. I refuse to be like her. I think only of my kids. Heck, forget about my rights! My kids have a broken home.

~~~

The baby turned 9 months today. So much for that. R used to buy him a cake each month, so now, we celebrate his birth without R. Fancy how time flies! I didn't even have him in my womb for more than 37 weeks. He still clings to me like crazy. It is flattering. I can just imagine how it will be when he turns 8 and won't even let me hold his hand. So yes, I shall cherish each moment.

~~~

So what now? I dunno. I guess I have nowhere else to go but forward. God's prize is waiting at the end of this journey. So I shall press on. I think about the future and what it holds for me and the little ones. I am hesitant, a tad scared, but I know the Lord has my hand in His. God defends the innocent and will protect us from harm.

Lord, rescue me from evil people;
protect me from cruel people
who make evil plans,
who always start fights.

They make their tongues sharp as a snake's;
their words are like snake poison.

Lord, guard me from the power of wicked people;
protect me from cruel people
who plan to trip me up.
The proud hid a trap for me.
They spread out a net beside the road;
they set traps for me.

I said to the Lord, "You are my God."
Lord, listen to my prayer for help.
Lord God, my mighty savior,
you protect me in battle.
Lord, do not give the wicked what they want.
Don't let their plans succeed,
or they will become proud.

Those around me have planned trouble.
Now let it come to them.
Let burning coals fall on them.
Throw them into the fire
or into pits from which they cannot escape.
Don't let liars settle in the land.
Let evil quickly hunt down cruel people.

I know the Lord will get justice for the poor
and will defend the needy in court.
Good people will praise his name;
honest people will live in his presence.

~ Psalm 140: 1-13