Would You Leave a Legacy of Divorce?

Once again, I opened up my FB account to a barrage of messages from friends. Too many things happening in marriages, one can get lost in the flurry. Early this evening, I received a DM from T. Her husband wants a divorce. Apparently, his resolve was brought about by his mom's encouragement. Ah yes, the mother in law. I know the story - I've been there; I've done that.

It's so easy to get caught in the fray. One day you're repentant, the next day, you're all riled up and ready to call it quits. The devil sure doesn't waste any time when he sees a way to put "breaking the family" into fourth gear. I am not surprised at how fast the devil is working on this one. Too vulnerable. Too many things happening in their lives. 

But really, I was telling T, she has more working in her favor (well over my case, that is). Her husband loves God. He was working as a youth counselor in church when they first met. Unlike R, this guy loves and fears the Lord. At least, she has that in the bag. 

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There are some things I don't understand when it comes to parents choosing divorce over working things out. I know that some people find it ridiculous to keep a marriage for the sake of the kids. Yes, I've heard that argument before. But folks, if you truly care for your kids, would you want to leave them a legacy of divorce? Remember, sins are passed on from generation to generation. You allow adultery and divorce to set foot into your household, it will stay forever. 

It's about time you break the curse! 

Sure, sure, you can tell me that God never meant for life to be miserable. Tell me, is life ever always pleasant? You married your spouse. You promised to love and to cherish this one person, through sickness and in health, for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, 'til death do you part. And yet, you let one trial pull you down, and you're ready to throw in the towel. Tell me, why'd you get married in the first place? 

SHAKE IT OFF! The devil is trying to fool you into thinking life is greener on the other side of the fence. He is feeding you lies. Of course it looks inviting! Think about the consequences. Think 10 steps ahead. Don't live in the here and now.

STOP RATIONALIZING IT! You're tired. You can't continue this charade. You want out. You don't want to keep lying to yourself. Goodness, stop rationalizing your resolve to quit! Whichever way you want to look at it, this isn't God's way. He never, NEVER meant for husbands and wives to separate! 

Matthew 19:6
(NIV) "So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.”

THINK ABOUT YOUR CHILDREN. Okay, I know what you're thinking but give me a chance here. Find me a child or (an adult) who'd say, "My parents are separated, but I have no divorce-related issues." I'll bet you a cheeseburger you won't find one. Kids are sensitive. They have their ideals. Resilient as they may seem, divorce breaks them - emotionally, mentally, spiritually, physically. I got reconnected with an old family friend on Facebook last year. Her parents were missionaries to the Philippines, and were popular church leaders. I always wondered why they left for the US in a huff, only to find out after all these years that their parents got divorced. They were already adults when this happened. One was even married with kids. And did they get by okay?  "It doesn't matter how old you are, it still hurts," says D, referring to her parents' divorce.

FOCUS ON GOD. Man will always fail you. So when the going gets tough, stop focusing on each other's faults. Give this to God. He doesn't expect you to change overnight. He doesn't expect you to weather that storm alone. Before you make a life-changing decision, make sure you are in the center of God's will. I am 100% sure He won't call on you to take that step towards breaking the family. God says "I hate divorce."

Malachi 2:16
(NCV) "The Lord God of Israel says, I hate divorce. And I hate people who do cruel things as easily as they put on clothes, says the Lord All-Powerful. So be careful. And do not break your trust."
(ESV) "For the man who does not love his wife but divorces her, says the LORD, the God of Israel, covers his garment with violence, says the LORD of hosts. So guard yourselves in your spirit, and do not be faithless."
(NIV) “The man who hates and divorces his wife, says the LORD, the God of Israel, does violence to the one he should protect, says the LORD Almighty. So be on your guard, and do not be unfaithful."

READ YOUR BIBLE! I went through this and learned this the hard way. Kept asking friends what I should do. Racked up my phone bill calling this person and that person just to get advice, but really, you are God's creation. He knows what's best for you. And best way for you to find out how to troubleshoot life's problems is to read your life's manual. No other way to find out which step to take unless you immerse yourself in God's word. Let Him reveal His plans. You don't have to rely on someone else's advice (not even mine!). That someone else is not you! He or she doesn't know your heart, but God does! He knows exactly how you feel. He knows every emotion. He knows how hard it is to put up that front of showing others you can do it without your spouse when bottomline is, you just really want your marriage intact. HE KNOWS.

PRAY! GIVE IT TO GOD. LET HIM TAKE THE WHEEL. I'll say it again. You can't do this alone. You were never meant to do this alone. Let God handle this for you. He is bigger than all this. BIGGER. He knows what's on the next bend. Forget what others may say. It doesn't matter. You can't justify divorce by saying it worked for someone else so it should work fine for you. You are accountable to One and no one else. Who cares if society says it is okay to separate or get annulled and divorced? WHO CARES? You don't have to adapt to what the world says! It's your life.In the end, it's all about conviction. What is God telling you? Live your life by His standards. In the end, He calls the shots.

Seasons of a Woman's Life

February is love month, but I'd like to think we should celebrate love everyday :).

To celebrate the season of love, the series in church is all about, yep, you guessed it, LOVE. Yesterday, Pastor Dennis and his wife Thammie talked about marriage.

I got to church early (right after the 230pm service) and got RL to sleep while waiting for the next service. I was really, really tired and sleepy. I was trying so hard not to doze off. After praise and worship, Pastor Jason and his wife Kat led the congregation in prayer (and I asked God to keep me awake!). The feeling after was quite a surprise. I felt so hyper after the prayer, it was like drinking 3 cups of coffee! Thank you for that quick answer, Lord.

I guess the Lord wanted me to hear the message yesterday. And I know it was indeed for me. Pastor Dennis started the message and half an hour later, he had Thammie talk to the women in the theatre. It was Thammie's first time to give the message (not the first time on stage as she regularly leads Worship), and she's quite a good speaker.

SEASONS

Anyone goes through different seasons in life. A woman's would be single-hood, courtship, engagement, married life, motherhood with little kids, etc. Different seasons. Some stay in a certain season for years. Others breeze through seasons! I remember attending a talk by Kay Warren (wife of Rick Warren of Purpose Driven Life) many years ago at CCF and she talked specifically on this. She shares that regardless of the season of life you are in, God is in control. The way to get through each season is to find joy regardless of the season you are in.

I AM IN A SEASON OF SEPARATION. HOW DO I FIND JOY IN THAT?

Thammie, in her message yesterday, shares the same thing as Warren does, but goes further by quoting John 10:10. Regardless of the season you are in, God wants you to experience life to the full. "I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full." Jesus came for that very reason - that we may live our life to the fullest! The bible does not say "when you finally find the man of your dreams, you will live life to the full," nor does it say "once your husband finally changes and comes back, you find fulfillment." Find Jesus, and eventually joy, in your mess of a marriage!

Two things struck me the most in Thammie's message.

1) WE MUST BE READY AT ANY GIVEN TIME. The Lord spreads out opportunities for us in a given lifetime. We must always be ready, regardless of the season we're in. Sometimes, the opportunity is there, but we miss it, because we are not ready to receive it. Case in point: R's brush with death circa August 2009. It was a chance for him to change. A chance for us to get back together. However, now that I think about it, I WASN'T READY. Look at how we still bicker at the trivial stuff. I haven't changed. The change has to come from me first. Why so? Because I am the Christian and I should know better. Sadly, I missed the boat. I praise God for making me realize this during Thammie's message!

2) BEAUTY COMES FROM A HEART OVERFLOWING WITH LOVE. This was a footnote Thammie mentioned. She talked about how people in love "bloomed". How brides seem to glow, and how this all boils down to the high feeling one gets when "in love". I take it as the best beauty advice I've ever heard. I remember when R and I first got together, and how our officemates would comment on how I glowed. I suppose the best glow would come from the One who gives beauty at its best. I vow to find that glow in falling in love with my God.

I may be in a season of melancholy (well, that's the popular emotion that goes along with separation), but I choose joy over sadness! Follow me on my journey as I find beauty and purpose in the season God has blessed me with.

HE IS IN CONTROL.