Friday, December 25, 2009

Christmas is a Time to Love.

My thoughts have been with R the past few days. Not because I want him here with us for the holidays, but because I was wondering if he has once again lost touch with God. It seems that way. So this morning, as he got ready to leave for his parents' place (he visited the kids), he asked where we (the kids and I) were celebrating Christmas. So I named the hotel where we're supposed to have Christmas Dinner with my dad's extended family.

Then around 4pm, R calls home to ask again. I initially thought nothing of it until tonight, when of all people, who do I see, but her. Yes, I came face to face with the one.

My thoughts quickly took a U to my earlier conversations with R. So I gave him a call and asked if he was at the hotel as well, and told him who I just saw. He yells at me (curses even) and tells me to stop bringing up the past. Well, I was just wondering. :P

So it could've been coincidence. But I so wanted to go up and introduce myself. But thought better. ;) Besides, Christmas is a time to love. Love your enemies, God says in His word. So yea, I chose to let it pass. Consider it my Christmas gift to you, yes you. I know you read this blog. MERRY CHRISTMAS!

Wednesday, December 23, 2009

I love the smell of Christmas! Can you feel the Spirit? It's in the air! I apologize for the blog hiatus. Been really busy at work, school activities, Christmas shopping (teehee), new business, reunions, parties, etc. I've said it before, but I definitely need more hours in a day (don't we all?).

So in case I don't get to blog by the holidays, let me say this now:

May the Lord bless our families.
May He hold our hands through every joyful (or sorrowful) thing.
May He be our strength when we are weak.
And may He hold us up when we are down.
He will never, never fail.
I pray for healing.
I pray for restoration.
I pray for peace.
I pray for renewal...
for true and lasting joy. :)

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

Christmas Break

The days flew by now, didn't they? We're down to our last 2 days before Christmas, and the hustle and bustle doesn't seem to end. A and I went shopping (again!) yesterday, and stayed out 'til way past midnight. I am finally done with my Christmas list (although my brother insists that I will never get done with it, just so I'd have an excuse to shop some more)!

The past weeks' schedule was packed to the brim. And the next coupl'a days are no different. We're heading out to the "homeland" on Christmas Day, so we need everything ironed out before that happens. The last time I was "home" was back in September, and we all know what ruined that vacay. Harhar.

The baby turned one two weeks ago. No party this year, but maybe a joint party for him and A early next year. Pays to be practical, especially since expenses on a single income is no joke. R didn't even bother showing up for his son's birthday. No gift either. Which says so much about his kind. He called to greet him, but yea, whatever. I expected less, in fact, so he didn't disappoint. He now sees the kids on an average of once a week, 10 minutes tops. I don't know why he even bothers. It's not like 10 minutes will give you quality time, especially when all he ever does is nag about this and that.

He came over Sunday, and gave A a gift for Christmas. A, being the impatient not-so-little girl, opened her gift as soon as she saw it under the tree and found two 100-peso plush toys from the Tiangge. Although she appreciates even the simplest gift (she loves the 10-peso stalls over at the ilog in Marikina and in Tutuban's Night Market), she took one look and asked out loud why her dad asked her what she wanted but got her something she didn't even want (she gave him a list of options). "Maybe he doesn't have enough money", I said. "But Mommy, he has new shoes!", A retorted with a frown. Trust a disappointed kid to notice details.


I know I promised a contest for Christmas, but I have tons to do before I leave, so I will post the new contest when I get back.


Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Last Minute Shopping Woes

Something always happens in December. That something always gets in the way of Christmas shopping. This year is no exception. I had concerts to go to, a wedding, and tons of other events. So just when I thought I had 90% of my Christmas shopping done, my daughter comes to me yesterday and says she wants to give gifts to this and that person. So more shopping to do. And no... no time to head to Divi for bulk gifts. And no, I do not wish to drive all the way to World Trade for more of the World Bazaar. The last time I was there with my nannies (last thursday), they did the shopping while I babysat the little ones. :P

So today, in a rush to get out of the house to get to school in time for program practice, we left A's gift for her exchange gift. So I thought it'd be wise to get a gift from nearby Crossings to avoid the maddening Christmas Rush crowd. After finally choosing a gift and waiting for the lone third floor cashier to fix her receipt roll, I headed to the gift wrap area (they were offering free wrapping service for any purchase) to get the gift wrapped. I watched the lady wrap gift after gift, until it was my gift's turn to get wrapped. She chose a ready-made wrapper for my gift, stuffed it in, stapled the top close, and took a pair of sheers to trim the flap. Voila! It was ugly gift wrapping, let me tell you (I had no time to take a picture). So to that I asked, "Is that how you really wrap the gifts?" And she looked at me funny, like I had no right asking that dumb question. I reiterated with "I mean, I know it's free service, but it sure looks like bad service." And she shrugs and says, "Style yan, ma'am."

Obviously, she had no good style to speak of. I think about corporate image and wonder what the owners don't know. You just missed out on a good opportunity to project an image worthy of your store. Instead, you give out cheap service that says "Our store does not care if the packages are flimsy, or if your gift wrap's lopsided as long as it says Christmas at Crossings. Message got across. Who cares about image."

Next time, I'm doing my last minute shopping at Rustan's.

Wednesday, December 9, 2009

Happy Birthday, Poohbear!

*sniff* A year went by so fast. Too fast. The baby is now officially a year old. *sigh* How I love him so. :)

Sunday, December 6, 2009


Today, as I sat in the movie theater at Rockwell waiting for Planet 51 to start, I found my thoughts drifting off to thoughts I've pushed aside. Call it denial, but I found it was easier to pretend than deal with issues head on.

The truth is, I am tired of wearing the mask I put on every day. But today, as I sat there, I realized that... I am okay. My good friend T, wrote a note on FB today that said so much about how important it is to belong to circles where friends accept you for who and what you are, where you don't need to pretend to be who you aren't. Simply because, well, there are people around you who value you as you are, flaws and all. If there are a handful who don't, then it's their problem, not yours.

I belong to a family of different strokes, but does it matter that we are different? That's what makes us special!

So today, I realized a lot of things. One of them being it is okay to be in my shoes. Besides, they are big shoes to fill. Not everyone can live my life. I mean, go ahead and try. Moreover, I realized that it is okay to be living the life I have. It is okay even if things aren't perfect. It is the imperfections that polish us - that mold us into beings we are set out to be. The trials, the circumstances are what prepare us for the end of the road.

As I type this, I realize that it is sad how some people cannot accept the facts the way they are. That some people prefer to make issues out of plain things. That circumstances are made to appear bigger than what they really are. And it is doubly sad that some people cannot see the beauty of transparency. That a lot of people in this world prefer to be with those who don't know the real 'you'. If you have to build up yourself to make yourself acceptable, then where is your real value? How sad is that?

So it does not matter that my marriage isn't perfect. That my family is not intact. No one can judge me for that. Circumstances brought me here. It is the way I deal with the circumstances, the way I carry myself in spite of the circumstances that matter. No, it doesn't mean I should wear the mask and pretend I am better than it. It means, even if I falter and cry, get angry and frustrated, freak out and break down, or even if I choose to just laugh it off...

I am okay.

Thursday, December 3, 2009


I've been having this incessant craving for Binatog lately. Yes, I go all the way to Tiendesitas just to get myself a bowl. It is so much a craving that I have been pestering friends and officemates for the recipe, to no avail. I've learned that Binatog is a dying delicacy, and the original recipe is lost to the 'thunders' generation of this world. Nyar.

Do you know how to make Binatog? I like it with grated coconut, sugar and condensed milk. My friend S likes it with salt. My obsession with it led me to pry and actually ask the man selling it where they get the boiled white corn. "May supplier po kami," he politely replied. "So Manong, how do you make it?"

"Secret!" He says with a smile.

Ah! Binatog! Why are you so addicting? My craving for Binatog is reminiscent of the Brazo de Mercedes addiction I had a few weeks back. Grrrr.


Tuesday, December 1, 2009

Blog Holiday

Yes, I was on a blog holiday. I had too much to do, and so little time. My friends and I are setting up a new biz - that's in between everything else on my list of things to do. And the clincher to my past two weeks is... my nanny, who only officially found out she was pregnant on November 1, gave birth (yes! gave birth, as in full-term gave birth!) to her second-born last Sunday!!! That's 5 days after her first-born's first birthday. Talk about fast. So yes, I am still in a daze. I guess it's a good thing she went on her day-off Saturday afternoon, or I'd be freaking out figuring out what to do.

Our baby will be a year old (yes, my nanny and I were pregnant at the same time last year) in a few days. I can't believe how fast time flies! We won't have a party this year, but a joint party some time next year when A turns 8. Hard times call for practical measures, besides, I'd be inviting the same group of friends.

I have a busy week ahead, with two events to cap the week. I have no idea how I'll survive. So many things have happened in the weeks that passed, with an old fuddy trying to get his way in my life. (Excuse me, I am NOT your daughter!) And sad stories about how old friends have made me the choice topic for their reunions, talking about something that happened 18 years ago! My goodness! Some people have to learn how to move on! But at least now I know who my real friends are. ;)

I don't know when I'll be back to my regular blog sched. But I have a Christmas raffle in store for you guys.

In the meantime, There are 24 DAYS BEFORE CHRISTMAS! Are you done with your Christmas Shopping? I am halfway through my list. :P Nyar.

Thursday, November 19, 2009

Je suis très fatigué. Excursion aujourd'hui à Tagaytay. Devait conduire à la ferme de fleurs et au dos. :P

Monday, November 16, 2009

Cannot Be Reached

Urgent matters had to come first this afternoon. There are issues that need to be dealt with tonight as well. However, I do not think the Lord wants it happening today, because the person involved cannot be reached. I am wondering... should I be worried?

Ah! But this has happened before! What is new? Nothing. Some things never change. Some people never change.

So, before I go crazy paranoid, I shall announce the winners for the WIN A FIREPROOF DVD CONTEST! Thank you to those who took time to post their entries (even those who didn't want their entries published). I promise to make the next contest easy. Hehe.

So, allow me to congratulate the following winners:
I LOVE FIREPROOF Category: Janet B.

Kindly post (will not be published) your email addresses on the comment section of this blog, and I will email you instructions on how to claim your DVD. Congratulations!

Will post a new contest within the week. Meanwhile, I shall try to contact the one who cannot be reached again. Wish me luck!


Sorry, too busy today. Will post winners tonight. Going through the unpublished (by request) entries this afternoon. :P

Sunday, November 15, 2009

Pakyaw et Pacquiao

So I woke up at 7am yesterday to get myself to the Richwell Toy Warehouse Sale early. But I guess everyone had the same idea, as the place was packed half an hour before opening time. By 930am, you couldn't breathe properly anymore. Can you spell suffocation? Hehe. But shopping alongside other shopping monsters is half the fun of any sale. We were so into scouring the shelves for great buys, I forgot to take a pic of the maddening crowd. But A and I had fun nonetheless. Must make a mental note to take a leave next year so I can shop properly during the preview.

We had to attend a party in the early afternoon so I had to skip lunch with my cousin and his wife. Since we were in the area, we decided to head to Trinoma to check out the mallwide sale as I wasn't able to do any shopping the night before. But it was crazy there as well. So A ended up doing window-cling craft at Landmark. Which was fine, because the baby was asleep and we needed to rest our feet (didn't bring a stroller since my car trunk's full with my warehouse shopping haul).

R didn't come see us all weekend. Although last night, as we drove up to our building, we did see him hanging out at the convenience store beside our lobby entrance. But no, he didn't bother coming up to see the kids. Our nanny asked the guard if he tried to come up when we were out, but was told that he didn't even try. He used the restroom to change into his gimmick clothes and he was out the door. And no, he didn't go to church with us today either. Not that Pacquiao was any reason to miss service because church was at 5pm (and Pacquiao happened over lunch). But I guess R really has moved back into his regular groove. I cannot help but feel uneasy lest he gets himself in his version of a Pacquaio vs. Cotto fight... again. And we all know which one of the two he'll play.


The Coke glasses at Mcdonald's are going fast! The Ortigas-Emerald branch have only 3 colors left. Oh and why aren't you allowed to get the glass with a Happy Meal? I think that it's rather unfair; I mean, the Happy Meals are considerably more expensive! Besides, their disclaimer says "except the P50 Saver Meals". So if they won't allow purchase with the Happy Meal, they should have included that in their disclaimer. Hmph!

In other news, the Shell Station at the same corner of Ortigas and Emerald is closed tonight. No gas? But I thought only the dealers threatened to close shop (since they couldn't afford to lose money from the gas prices Shell was charging). Shell Ortigas-Emerald is a Diwal Corp. branch, and that means, this station is company-owned. Yes, Shell-owned. So why is it closed?


The Win-a-Fireproof-DVD contest ends tonight. Any last minute entries? Send them now! I will post winners tomorrow after lunch. Stay tuned!

Saturday, November 14, 2009


Around the World in One Day!

I went all over the metro today. Wasn't a pretty sight, believe me. I was stuck in traffic half of the time (which made it worse).

Went to check out CEL Manila over lunch with my dad and brother. It wasn't worth much. The Toys R Us Toy Box Sale wasn't any good. So DON'T EVEN BOTHER. My brother and I ended up at the Tom's World booth, while we waited for our dad to finish checking out the fair. I won two plush toys playing the crane. Spent a good hour and a half in traffic on the way back to the office. Hohum.

Met my cousin late in the afternoon to catch the preview to the Richwell Sale over in Libis. :) Lotsa good deals, as always. I am going back in the morning. LOL! A found the Princess Barbie Doll she wanted last Christmas on sale at 50% off it's original price. Was able to get nice sneakers for the baby, which is cool because I hardly ever get to find nice ones during their annual sale (I get dizzy with all those people searching through bins and bins of shoes!).

Then I had to trek back to Quezon City to meet up with my girl friends at Trinoma. I was ready to collapse from fatigue after dinner! Good thing I had Anion with me (what a lifesaver!). Plus, I think I had too much Iced Tea.

Busy weekend ahead. Must get some rest.

Thursday, November 12, 2009

Missed the Toy Kingdom Warehouse Sale?

...try the Toys R' Us Big Toy Sale, which starts tomorrow through Sunday (13-15 November) at CEL Manila 2009, World Trade Center, Pasay. For FREE passes to the event, register here.

Also, don't forget that the Richwell Kidz Kraze 2009 Warehouse Sale starts this Saturday, 14 November 2009! Richwell Trading's Annual Warehouse Sale offers up to 80% Off on their toy and baby brands (Barbie, Chicco, Hot Wheels, Pigeon, etc! Where to go? Visit their warehouse at Creative Trade Center Compound, #6 Industria St., Bagumbayan, Libis, QC or call Richwell for details at 743-1658.

Do remember to bring baby wipes or alcohol when visiting these places. Oh and bring a helper to fall in line while you shop, as it gets crazy long, believe me!

Happy Shopping!

Reminder! Contest ends THIS Sunday, 15 Nov 2009!

Reminding you all that the Fireproof DVD Contest ends this Sunday, 15 November 2009 at exactly 11:59PM. Winners will be declared on Monday. For mechanics, please click on the link below.

Post your entries now! :)

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Style Bulok

Each time R sends me a text message that says "San kayo?", I already know that R is up to no good. I received one tonight, and I was contemplating on whether I needed to reply... I mean, where would we be but at home? Unlike him, I value time with my kids. I seldom go out without them, and if I do, I make sure it is a once-a-week thing (since I am at work all day, everyday) and not something I do all the time. I mean, kids don't remain kids for long, and my, time flies!

So I replied with "Bakit?"

And as predicted, I got another text that said "San nga kayo?"

Hello, R, I already know. So if you wish to spend time with someone else, or with your "friends" or gym mates or whatever, I do not care. There is more to life than wondering if you're still fooling around or if you've changed or if you're back to regular programming, etc. This is my life. You are not the star of my show.

Besides, style mo, bulok.


I apologize for this post. I just get so irritated when he thinks I think the way he does, because I don't! Duh.

Monday, November 9, 2009

Sleepless Nights

I've been having a hard time calling it a night lately. Every time I say it's time to go to bed, I end up doing something else. I dunno exactly what it is, but something in the subconscious is bothering me and keeping me awake. Last night, I decided I was gonna sleep early, but I spent the next two hours staring straight at the ceiling. Praying. Staring. Thinking. Anything, but sleep. I was awake so long past bedtime that I even heard the explosion from San Miguel Avenue at a few minutes past 3am.

As I stayed awake wondering, my thoughts brought me to thoughts of death, and they weren't exactly happy. Sometimes, an air of loneliness consumes me, and I get depressed thinking "Where did all that love go?" or "Why am I alone?" Sure, my friend A says God will take care of me, and I know that. But sometimes, I just miss the good 'ol days when everything was okay. And golly, I do not want to die unhappy or lonely or sad. Then my thoughts drift to responsibilities and the burden to provide. How pathetic is it that I work doubly hard to provide for my family's needs, and yet, I am unappreciated? But then yes, I am not alone. This is a story that has been retold as others have the same sorry story.

So last night, as I lay awake in bed, I think about God's promises and I ask Him, "Lord, what exactly is Your will? What perfect plan do You have for me?" I'm sure my God knows how tired and weary I am. I'm sure He sees my heart and how I so want to do His will. So I asked Him to give me strength to get over this hump, whatever this hump may be. I can feel something weighing me down, and I'll sure be glad if it's just "all fat" and nothing more.

PRAYER REQUEST: I'm due to see the Doctor. Please pray it's nothing serious. The Lord is My Master Physician! :)
BLESSING: Still no house (in fact, the debt list is longer today) but God has been faithful. My dad just lent me $300 to pay for my Dollar Card. Thank you, Lord!

Sunday, November 8, 2009


I always look forward to Sundays since there are moments during the day that we seem to be like any normal family. Today was no exception.

Went to watch All About Steve with the family today. I officially do not like Sandra Bullock. But man, she played her role so well, I wanted to leave the movie theater 10 minutes into the movie. I could hear my brother groaning from irritation as well. But overall, it was okay. In life, we come across a handful of people who do nothing but irritate us. However, some of them only mean well and have good intentions. Don't you think it's a relief that God looks straight into our hearts instead of our outward appearances?

A loves Sundays because it means we get to have lunch or dinner with my family. She loves being with my brothers since with them, she is boss. My parents love having her around. Sundays are also Time Zone days. Today, we almost won a giant plush toy! The arrow stopped on "Fate" and although the claws were supposed to grab the bear tightly, it dropped it! We complained but the supervisor said she couldn't help us because she didn't see it happen. "Next time", I told A, "I'll just get you a plush toy from the mall."

A and I attended two worship services today. We went with my folks and sibs to the early afternoon service, then again with R to the late afternoon one. Pastor T preached about worship - how our worship shouldn't end on Sundays, but instead, should go beyond Sunday and on throughout the week. I was teasing R on the way home about it. He, as Pastor T pointed out, worships like he came from Zimbabwe (kasi... Simba-uwe siya). LOL.

We met up with some of R's childhood friends after the service and spent an hour or so with them. So yea, some sense of normalcy has returned to our family life. We don't have our usual Sunday Family Days back, but we're getting there.

Pastor D, in closing, said that the way we spend our week determines how our Sundays turn out. If we are depressed all week, we tend to worship insincerely on Sundays. We don't get in the mood to pray or worship with a heart that pleases God. Wouldn't it be great if we had a heart of worship on Mondays through Saturdays too, such that the same Sunday "high" is felt all throughout the week? We actually have the opportunity to experience God every single day, that is, if we allow ourselves that. It would be amazing to be looking forward to each day and not just Sunday, don't you think? ;)

Saturday, November 7, 2009

Sounds Family

Went to bed at 5am this morning. But woke up in time for breakfast at Mickey D's to get 2 more glasses. We had another full day today. Had to attend a birthday party this afternoon. Everything was going on as usual, without hitch, until we got to the party and our nanny started making a scene at our table.

I was chitchatting with my co-parents at the other table when I noticed my nanny's voice rise above the background music. I turned to see her yelling at another nanny at the same table. Curious, I got up to see what the racket was all about. When I got to our table, the other nanny was gone. What happened? Well, apparently, our nanny caught her husband cheating on her. WITH THE OTHER NANNY.

Sounds familiar.

Our nanny has a daughter who is turning one in a couple of weeks. She is also CURRENTLY 5 months pregnant (yes, you read that right. EDIT: Apparently, she was 8 months along the way. Nyar.). She is set to leave us end of this year for good. Initially, the story was... her husband wanted her to quit working so she can take care of their daughter and so her husband can save the money they pay for rent (they are renting a small apartment in Bulacan) and utilities. They are up to here (points to neck) in debt, so I don't know how they'll manage with one salary. Now, with another baby on the way, I have no idea how they'll survive. So for the past two months, I questioned this decision. I discussed it with my nanny's sisters, with her mom. And even if they also do not agree with the planned move, they have no say in the decision because my nanny is the sole breadwinner, so if she quits, they'll be dependent on the husband. :P

Today, however, the skies have cleared. We all now know the REAL reason behind him wanting her to move back to the province. Sigh. I so want to hit him on the head.

Around the Corner...

Christmas is definitely around the corner. Today, I irritated my office roommate by playing Christmas songs over and over again. Well, it was actually his fault. He was the one who decided to remind me the other day that we were at 50 days 'til Christmas, plus he posted on Facebook how he wanted to savor the season. Alas, I went into my Christmas mood - Prepared my Christmas Shopping List, listened to Christmas Songs, checked out our Christmas line-up, prepared for the holidays, etc. etc.

I took A to the Toy Kingdom Warehouse Sale today over at Megatrade. Lotsa good finds this year. We're planning on going again later as we were told that they were bringing out more stuff in the morning. That is, if we wake up early. The crowd wasn't as bad this year as it was last year. But then maybe that's because they occupied two halls this year. There were sufficient carts too, but I suggest you get a makeshift box cart instead, as the latter is easier to lug around the narrow aisles and shopping areas.

McDonald's has a new promo out (and it started today... er... yesterday), and this is the reason why we're skipping Tapa at Banchetto this morning... we already have 2 glasses, so 4 more to go! But sigh, I couldn't resist the Brazo de Mercedes so I still had to trek to Banchetto for that. I could hear it calling from my balcony window. LOL! We dropped by the Tapatouille stall to say "Hi!" to J and R.

Note: By the way, T (you know who you are), sure. Just ask the peeps over at Tapatouille and they'll let you know where to look. ;)

Today was a great, great day. I hope the weekend is as happy. Have a productive and blessed weekend, people!

Thursday, November 5, 2009

Christmas... 50 days away. My son's birthday is over a month away. Where do the days go? I need more hours in a day!

Went to Divisoria with my brother last week. Amazing I was able to con him into going (even his girlfriend says so). Went back after two days with A (think this is how her cough got worse, oops) to get our Halloween swag (we gave out glow sticks on top of our usual candy this year). The place is swarming with people. Got the usual stuff, went to suppliers, etc. In a few weeks, you won't need to walk in Divisoria, because people will be pushing you forward. LOL! But really, I love the place! Saw a group of foreigners when we were there last. They were touring the place on their own, no guides! A couple had their DSLRs with them! I wonder if they survived.

How fast does time fly? It's the end of the first work week of November tomorrow, and what did I accomplish this week? Nada. I went to work today only to find myself with a huge headache the size of Texas by 4pm! I can't afford to get sick again! Budget meeting tomorrow, and I still have nothing on my plate. Nyar.

In other news...
>>> Toy Kingdom Warehouse Sale starts tomorrow through Sunday! BDO Rewards and SM Advantage Card holders get sneak peak tomorrow...
>>> Richwell Kiddie Craze 2010 Sale starts next Saturday!

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

Rainy Days and Wednesdays...

Today was a slow day. Staying at home has its benefits, but it tends to slow everything down as it allows you to laze away the day instead of being productive (hmmm, budget presentation on shelf).

I started a project for work this afternoon, only to leave it half-done. So lazy today. Finally got around to doing chores when the sun disappeared. And in the middle of cleaning the toilet, I found my thoughts drifting away to a conversation I had with F a few days ago.

I had coffee with my best friend last week. Yes, my just-married best friend. It was a relief to see him. After all, his single life didn't end on a good note for both of us. Not that we fought or anything, but then of course, I owed him heartfelt good wishes, and that I didn't have at that time (I must honestly say).

So last week was a breather for both of us. We hardly see each other because of work. So when he called to say he needed to talk, I guess I took the invite without thinking twice. And talk we did. For a good hour or so, we played catch-up. Then the conversation went into how our lives had changed throughout the years and how our choices for lifetime partners were far from the prince and princess we used to dream of back when we were kids. Yes, the differences I questioned in his then relationship, now marriage, have started to itch as it inched its way into his and his new wife's every day. Not that I didn't say so, and not that I didn't warn him. But yes, F, you are right. The best advices in life are left in some untouched book on a book shelf in some bookstore. :P

Our coffee date had to end earlier than usual because I had to get back to the kids, since A wasn't feeling quite well already that day.

The conversation flew back into my head today because this morning, as I dilly-dallied in bed, I couldn't help but think about my own marriage and how it has reached almost flat-line in the past months. How the differences have come and stayed. How frustrated I've gotten in trying to see some semblance of hope or change or remorse or repentance. TO NO AVAIL. And then I remembered F's words before we said our goodbyes: "We should have chosen partners with the same background. The same values. Sometimes, love isn't enough."

Sigh. I used to love rainy days. I still do. I just hate it when the thoughts come around.

Stuck at Home

I caught the bug from the kids, and now I am stuck at home with them. Loving the bed weather, but can't help but wonder if any bit of rain will bring flood somewhere in the metro. I have a Budget presentation due tomorrow, and I haven't even gotten around to it. Nyar.

My mind is obviously somewhere else. Yes, it is under the covers, snoozing.

Monday, November 2, 2009


18 unmoderated comments on R and his Halloween shebang. What can I say? Well, nothing but... it's his life. If he wants to totally ruin it by being a prick, then by golly, what can I do? I am not the boss of him. I do not keep him on a leash.

Just the same, anyone has free will to do whatever one pleases. It's how things are. God sets out a perfect plan for each and every one of us. But sin sets us apart from Him and that plan. Free will allows us to choose paths. We have no one to blame but ourselves for the wrong choices we make.

I honestly do not know what to make of R. If you all are confused, I am that and so much more. And as expected, his 'friends' welcomed him with open arms. Like he was some hero. This is exactly what I was worried about two months ago. It is no use protecting someone who would rather be 'popular' then safe. When all is said and done, I hope you 'friends' will be there for him when his going gets tough. I hope his skeletons haunt you all instead. And one day, when you all have daughters, and the men in their lives prioritize 'friends' over family (just like you all once did), I pray you will all look back and realize what a worthless life you all led. Pshh! For what does it profit a man if he gains the whole world but loses his own soul?


Another look-back at how A was when she could hardly talk. Our daughter had difficulty expressing herself in words and created a whole new language until she started school at 4 (she went straight to Kindergarten). She was topic of many conversations amongst my friends and family. Apparently, R started speaking when he was already 7! So that bit of information scared me that my daughter could be delayed as well. We were planning on sending her to a speech therapist when voila! One day, just like that, she started talking as if she always knew how before.

Anyway, this happened right before she turned 4. My friend T and I took A shopping. Nearing Guadalupe on our way home, A suddenly points and shouts...

A: Tita T! Tita T! Look! Doodles! (pointing to the Lucky Me! Billboard on EDSA)
T: A, it's Noodles, not Doodles. Say Noo-dles...
A: Doodles!
T: Nooooo, say Noo-dles...
A: Doo-dles...
T: Say Noooooo...
A: Noooooo...
T: Duhhhhls.
A: Duhhhhls.
T: Noodles!
A (pauses, thinks, then says): Tita T! Look! Soup!

LOL! This story has been repeated many, many times. I still laugh at it each time. :) Sigh. Missing those innocent years.

Sunday, November 1, 2009

The R Enigma

What a puzzle this man is! As expected, his promises remain empty promises. All that talk about being a better person has flown out the window. He has once again resumed the life he used to lead. I am not surprised. Neither am I disappointed. Well alright, maybe just a tad sad. Because the man I used to love no longer exists in this person I call 'hubby'. Any good left in him has jumped into the abyss called never-will-I-change.

I am caught in between worlds. God knows where I am right now; He knows exactly how I feel.

R went to church with us today. And while he listened to Pastor D's message on death, I sat wondering if he understood what it meant to live continuously in sin. How sin has set him apart from God, who is the Giver of Life. I wonder if he took it to heart that he has to make that change. I have this nagging feeling, you see, that R has a heart that is so callous, it will never want to change.

And so I think to myself, why do I even bother? Lord, I am tired. But what is Your will? The narrow path is filled with potholes. I tread carefully and yet, there are times when I don't want to walk in this path anymore. :(

Saturday, October 31, 2009


I woke up to the sound of the wind blowing against the glass doors to our balcony. Scary sound. I woke up our nanny and with her, brought in our gigantic aluminum sampayan. The wind was so strong (and freezing!), I thought it would break the glass. I remember our neighbor's story on her glass door breaking during Typhoon Milenyo a few years ago. Scary thought.

The kids are sick. Both A and the baby have colds. So the baby is extra clingy and refuses to take milk from his bottle. Instead, he throws a fit until I give in to nursing him. Extra comfort to ease his discomfort. I don't mind. In a few years, he'll eventually forget about it. Right now, I will cherish each moment.

The hubby came over to give A a personalized name band he had purchased for her. Upon opening her surprise package, A exclaims "But I already have this!" Then she shows it to me. R retorts with "Sorry, I didn't know." And A answers with "That's because you aren't in my life. That's why you don't know." Ouch. Did she just hit the jackpot there with that statement?

Snooze Time

The house is finally quiet. The kids are pooped. It was our annual Halloween Event here at our place. As usual, the kids had too much sweets to even feel like sleeping early. But yes, they are finally asleep; Hello, peace and quiet!

I need to catch up on sleep. I will be yaya-less over the holidays, so I need to get my energy level up. Was able to book our annual Hong Kong trip for next year - thanks to 5J and their Piso Fare Promo. :) God must love me so much! I didn't have problems booking and buying the tickets. Spent less than 10 minutes on the site. Whereas, my friends have been trying all night just to get their promo tickets, but to no avail. I am blessed. :)

So now, while all of my friends stay up to get their flights, I shall get some much-needed snooze. Good night, world! Another typhoon on the way. Stay safe, everyone!

Thursday, October 29, 2009

Contest! Win a Fireproof DVD!

Hello readers! Would you want to win your very own Fireproof DVD? Well, I have a contest for you!

There are two ways to join this contest, the mechanics are as follows:

Write a review about the movie Fireproof on your blog and post a link to your blog entry on the comments section of THIS post.

Edit: If you do not own a blog, you may write a review directly on the comments section of THIS post.

Haven't watched Fireproof, but would like to own the video? Blog about how far you've gone to save your marriage, and post a link to your blog entry on the comments section of THIS post.

Edit: If you do not own a blog, you may tell us how far you've gone to save your marriage by posting directly on the comments section of THIS post.

There will be two winners for this contest - one from each Category. Best blog entry from each category will win an original Fireproof DVD from House of Praise.

Contest Duration: From 12:01 am, Friday, 30 October 2009 'til 11:59 pm, Thursday, 12 November 2009. Winners will be announced on Monday, 16 November 2009. Contest is open to all Philippine residents. Readers not residing in the Philippines may still join the contest, provided that they have a relative in the Philippines who may claim the prize. NO ANONYMOUS ENTRIES PLEASE. YOU MAY USE A NICKNAME OR A USER ID, BUT YOU WILL NEED TO PROVIDE A VALID NAME AND ID WHEN CLAIMING THE PRIZE.

Tuesday, October 27, 2009


Our good friend D is celebrating his birthday today. D used to be like R. I say used to be because he is now a pastor. Yes, after years and years of womanizing, D turned his back on the world. He found true happiness in Christ and has since been serving the Lord. Almost 4 years ago, he surprised his wife with a wedding. Below is their wedding story as retold in a digest I wrote on 9 February 2006:

The last Thursday of January was unforgettable. I attended a wedding so unlike others. I have written about my d-group (bible study/ couples group) several times, and remember our d-group leaders, D and DM? To refresh you a bit, D used to be a womanizer. He cheated on his wife several times, with his wife's friends, kumare, cousin even! He also got involved in various crimes and was once charged with attempted murder (charges have been dropped). Anyway, his wife, DM, didn't lose hope, instead she was a godly wife to D. Until one day, God finally heard her prayer. D started going to church with the family; he started praying, reading the bible, attending small groups, etc. This is the shortened version of how it all happened. But let me tell you, it was a journey. Eventually, after years of getting to know God, D made a commitment to be a youth pastor (note: he is now full-time pastor for a church in Taytay).

So anyway, fast forward to last November (2005)...
D came up to some of the women in our D-group and said he wanted to surprise DM on their wedding anniversary. His idea was to stage a surprise wedding. Their anniversary was on the 27th of January. The surprise wedding happened on the 26th.

DM had no idea that D actually had something up his sleeve. As far as she knew, they were gonna watch a concert at The Penn. A friend of theirs supposedly had two dinner tickets and couldn't use them so she decided to give these to the couple as a gift. She also warned DM that she should wear something formal, because it was a dinner concert at a hotel.

So because it was their anniv,
DM's mom also gave them overnight accomodations at an Ortigas Hotel. DM was clueless on the preps. Everyone was actually working on it.

Thursday night at 7pm, the sanctuary at CCF St. Francis was filled with wedding guests. Everyone was anticipating her arrival. At half past 7,
D and DM arrived at St. Francis. D asked DM to wait for him at the ground floor while he goes up to the 4th Floor office to get the tickets. 10 minutes later, someone goes down to get DM because D's supposedly still talking to someone in the office. As the elevator door opens, DM is shocked to see her mom (a devout Catholic who once vowed never to set foot in CCF). When it dawns on her that there was actually a wedding and it was actually HER wedding (they were once wed, so this is a renewal of sorts after all the painful years), DM cries.

Anyway, I won't go into other details. I just wanted all you women to put yourself in her shoes.
Imagine 10 years of pain. 10 years of trying to obey God's will. 10 years of tears. 10 years of thinking that your husband could possibly leave you for good, worse, even kill you (because D almost did). 10 years of NOT GIVING UP. Then imagine God rewarding you for your labor. A wedding. A surprise wedding, planned in detail by the person who hurt you the most for 10 whole years. Sigh. A great and worthwhile reward, don't you think?

Truly, one does not labor in vain, especially if you labor for God's glory!

Parenting Digest Look-back 20 April 2006

Yesterday, while browsing through messages on gmail, I found some of my digests from my SP days. I laughed at memories, both good and bad, and looking back, I can only say that God has always been good to me. I've decided to post some of the funny stories about A here, such that the stories don't get lost. This way, I have something to smile (and laugh) about each time I need a pick-me-upper. Enjoy!

Excerpt from Parenting Digest 20 April 2006
On one of our drives to the beach over the Holyweek, A was trying to catch everyone's attention in the car. She was tapping my shoulder and saying "Mommy, J, Mommy, J" (calling me and her nanny at the same time). I wasn't looking at her so I didn't know she was also trying to get her nanny's attention. So I said... "A, my name isn't J. What's mommy's name?" To which she replied... "uhhh... K!" So i said, "Right, so it's Mommy K!"

After a bit of thought, A, always the comic, says... "Aaaaa... Mommy K, Daddy R, Yaya J and A A! (repeating her name twice)" hehehehehe...


Na-gets niyo? hehehe.

Monday, October 26, 2009


R has been in and out of depression lately. There are days when he seems okay, like everything is back to normal. Then there are days when he is ready to kick the bucket. Not that I don't believe him, but sometimes, I can already predict his days. Yesterday, for example, he was all smug, like he didn't care about anything that involves family. Then today, he sends a text about being deprived of happiness.

I wonder if he truly knows how it is to be depressed? If his depression is the lack of happiness, and if the kind of happiness he has been searching for is the worldly, fleeting kind? I text him back and say "True happiness comes from only one Source. You may be looking for it in the wrong things, in the wrong places."

"So this is how it feels." He replies. Yes, R, depression and I are old friends. It used to be the story of my life.

Be My Prayer Partner!

Do you have a burden you want to share with me? A problem you need prayer for? Let me be your prayer partner! Together, let us storm the heavens with prayers. :) The Lord loves it when we pray, as it is time spent with Him. And He promises that "the effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much." (James 5:16, KJV) What does that mean, exactly? The NIV translates it to this: "The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective." The NCV makes an even clearer translation, "When a believing person prays, great things happen." Let us believe in prayer and see great things happen in our lives!

Why do you need a prayer partner? The Lord says that "...if two or three people come together in my name, I am there with them." (Matthew 18:20, NCV) Isn't that a great promise? If our will is in line with His, I am sure He will hear from heaven!

Once a week, I will post a Prayer Post. You may post your prayer requests via the comment section. Let me pray for you as you in turn, pray for me.

My prayer request for the week is stated below. Kindly post your prayer request/s in the same format. I only request that with each prayer request, you post a blessing or an answered prayer you had received for the week before. That way, we have, as well, a blessing to praise God for when we pray. :)

PRAYER REQUEST: Please help me pray that we will find a new home soon. Our lease contract is due to end by February but we NEED to move soon because rent, utilities, dues, etc are steep here.

BLESSING: I closed a business deal! :) Plus, God gave me a new sideline.

What is your prayer request today?
Note: Your posts will be published unless you tell me otherwise.

Sunday, October 25, 2009

Roller Coaster Ride

How many roller coasters have you ridden? There was a time when my brothers and I would ride roller coasters over and over again, and we'd make note of the number of times we rode on this or that one. I swear, we were roller coaster crazy. Once, one of my brothers even got a bruise on his back from riding the same roller coaster over 20 times in one day. When in the US, we'd troop to the big theme parks and do the roller coasters over and over again. The big ones like The Goliath or The Dueling Dragons were always on our list, and we'd run to fall in line again and again, just so we'd get our ride count up. Yes, I love roller coasters. That is, I used to love roller coasters.

I have been riding on this one particular roller coaster for so, so long now. Each time I decide I've had enough, I'd swear to get off, only to find myself getting on it again. No, it is not just the marriage thing, in case you were wondering. But sigh, yes, a lot of things. I don't know what's wrong with me. This roller coaster is deceiving. It scares the hell out of me. Each time I get off, it calls out to me like a shiny, new toy. And when I'm on it, I get so sick, so much so I want to get off. It is the roller coaster called Everyday Life Problems. :P


This Patience Dare is just not my thing. Slow to speak, slow to anger. Boy, did that fly out the window faster than you could say fast. :( And today wasn't better than last night. This afternoon, I had a short spat with my mom. Short because it lasted a good whole minute (maybe even less). And I wanted to keep quiet, but my tongue lashed out a statement so fast, I knew it was wrong the moment the first word left my mouth. Ha-ya!

Must get off the roller coaster and fall in line once more. Tomorrow, I shall start Day One. Again.

Bye, bye, Patience.

You know, the truth is... I am tired.

Tonight, I just threw out lesson number one. :(

Saturday, October 24, 2009

Another Banchetto Morning

A was supposed to run the 3K at Race For Life today. But I was too pooped from last night's activities to wake up on time. :P She was disappointed as this was gonna be her first run ever. As consolation, I took her and the baby to Banchetto on Emerald to visit JP at Tapatouille (My business partner J and I were actually at Banchetto past midnight to get our weekly Korean Tapa fill). There is something about Tapatouille that keeps you coming back for more. I don't mind having their Korean Tapa at night, then the Spicy one in the morning. No kidding. :)

It's interesting how people of all sorts troop to Banchetto during the weekend. At night, it is mostly folks from nearby call centers. You'll see men checking out girls. Men checking out other men. Women dressed-to-kill and then there are those dressed-to-be-killed. ;) Yes, all sorts. It is a scene to behold. Free entertainment. J and I would sit on the steps in front of PLDT and look around in amusement.

This morning, while waiting for our order, two gals dressed to the Ts approached the Tapatouille booth. After placing their orders, I noticed one look down. She then proceeds to spit out her gum on the pavement. How appalling! Girl, you can be dressed-to-kill and yet, when you cannot carry yourself the way educated, well-mannered women carry themselves... then forget it. She spent the next 5 minutes looking at us from the corner of her eye because she knew we saw what she did. A kept saying "eeew", so much so that the girl turned red. LOL. Serves her right.


Was planning on going to MOA today. But my FIL called to say he might come and visit. I wonder how that will play out. Nyar.

Thursday, October 22, 2009

K's Breakfast Sausages (Naks!)

I made a batch of Breakfast Sausages for my brother. A and I brought some for baon as well. And whadd'ya know? It turned out so good, the folks at the office wanted to BUY some from me! So we all trekked to the nearby supermarket to get more stuff for it. I'm whipping 7 batches for tomorrow. :)
The other day, over lunch, my friend and colleague S warned me about possibilities. The THIS AND THAT of what could happen in the future. He pointed out that since the issue has passed and since no news has come out in the past weeks, I should tell R to watch his back.

So the other night, through text, I mentioned this to R, who, obviously irked with what I said, replied with "wala ka na namang magawa." Not that I want him paranoid over nothing, but hey, it pays to be careful.


So our daughter A watched G-Force 3D with K and Mom the other night. R was supposed to take her out to watch it but begged off because he was "busy." A, being the know-it-all, who loves listening in to grown-up conversations, remarked, "Should I text Daddy that BUSY means Being Under Satan's Yoke?" She probably heard this from those days when she'd sit in with the D-group or I dunno, Kids Church? :P But J and I were laughing so hard, no one bothered to find out.

But yes, the hubby is out of his hole, trying to get whatever's left of his life back. Not that I am surprised, but I was hoping he'd take it slow... His family and close friends worry about him and his well-being, but he acts like all is well. I guess you can't blame him. Who'd want to live under the shadow of fear all the time?

However, I truly feel that God is still in control of the situation. No matter what S says about the what could be... God is God over everything; He is God over everyone. I suppose we all have a choice. We can live our lives in fear of situations, in fear of others or live our lives fearing the one true God who holds our lives in the palm of His hand.

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Dare #1: Patience

I am currently reading a book called The Love Dare. And every day, the book calls for you to improve a part of the way you deal with others (not necessarily your Spouse, although the book was written for husbands and wives). The other day, the dare was to treat others with Patience.

So ok. Patience. What exactly is patience? I must admit that I am a woman of little patience. Ah yes, K is Little Miss Impatient. Even my closest friends would say so. Never mind that I dealt with the hubby and his hobby (LOL) for so many years. Nope, I wouldn't call it patience. I, in all honesty, would call it... hmmm... well, never mind what I'd call it, but it was nothing close to patience. During the onset of R's womanizing ways, I dealt with it in anger. With a lot of hurtful words. Then after a few years, I dealt with it with a lot of bitterness in my heart. I even tried doing the I-do-not-care and I-hope-you-and-your-women-burn-in-hell attitude. None of which left me any happier. In fact, I found myself miserable as ever.

The book I am reading says that Patience is the ability to respond in a positive way to negative situations. It is being slow to anger. It is a choice to control your emotions over having your emotions controlling you. Makes sense, right? The wallpaper on my mobile phone says "SLOW TO SPEAK, SLOW TO ANGER." It serves as a reminder that the one who holds his tongue is wise.

So, did I pass Day One? I'd like to think so. I have never felt better about being silent... ever. Day one was a good day.

Sidenote: The Love Dare book is available at House of Praise Panay Avenue, QC and House of Praise Trinoma, also in QC. For inquiries, call House of Praise Panay Avenue at 9205291 loc 139.

Monday, October 19, 2009

Attacking Disappointment!

I stayed home today. I spent most of the weekend carrying the not-so-little one (who now weighs over 25lbs at 10months!) and woke up with a bad back. I spent most of the morning sighing away in bed, thinking of all my struggles, but got up with a resolve not to allow the devil to steal my joy away. If there is one thing I have learned from all the problems that have come my way, it is this: God can always, ALWAYS turn it into something good.

I am actually in the middle of looking for a new place to move to. Rent here is killing me. Dues are an added pain, and electricity rates are sky high (we live in a mixed-use condominium where terrible commercial rates apply). If that isn't big enough a problem (to think we just moved September of last year), today, I received notice from my nanny that her soon-to-be-husband wants her to quit working by end of this year. :( So yea, added stress. Hence, I started the day wanting to cry. But then, yesterday, I was in a similar situation and had to deal with disappointment, and yet, God did not fail me. He came through for me. So why shouldn't God pull this one through for me, too? ;)

The thing about dealing with disappointment is this: You have to be armed with counter-attacks. If the devil throws you woes, God has promises in His Word to keep you armed for attacks! In the middle of my depressed state, I am reminded that all I have to do is to "Trust in the Lord with all my heart" (Proverbs 3:5) and that He promises "to prosper me, not to forsake me" (Jeremiah 29:11). How will you pull out God's promises if your bag of promises is empty? You have to arm yourself with God's Word. Hide it in your heart.

Pastor D, in a message a coupl'a Sundays ago, gave a funny example of why we should keep God's promises in our hearts. What if, you find yourself in a situation where you need to minister to or counsel someone in need? But the only verses you know are Genesis 1:1 and John 3:16? I can just imagine this scenario:

You: Friend, God loves you. He promises... uh... that if you believe in Him, He will give you eternal life. He says so in John 3:16! And you know what else? uh... In the beginning, God says in Genesis 1:1, He created the heavens and the earth.

LOL! What a riot that will be!

Are you armed to counter disappointments? Read your bible today!

Do you need a guide to read the whole Bible in one year? Find One Year Bible guides here or here (or here! hehehe).

Saturday, October 17, 2009

A Week Buzzes By...

Almost lost a wheel on the road yesterday. I swear, that was like the most stressful part of the week. Nyar. But the week flew by almost uneventful, so I am thankful still. We trekked to Banchetto last night to have the famous Korean Tapa at Tapatouille. It's been a while so that was a treat! A fell asleep on the monoblock chair while J and I talked about the future of our booming business. We're preparing our fields, and trusting God to send in the rain. :)

Was supposed to volunteer for Kids Church service at Ultra today, but didn't wake up on time. :( A has a party later so we can't do the afternoon service either. Oh well. I have no nanny over the weekend so it will be a challenge to keep my food cooked and fish fed on FB. But days like these are priceless. My kids grow up too fast!

Happy weekend, everyone!

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

I got myself a new Bible today. My old Bible is all worn-out. And although I was really leaning towards getting an NLT or an NCV translation, I felt this one call out to me. Hehe. Really, I've never felt so drawn to getting a Bible.

So today, I bought an NIV Trimline Bible in Cherry/ Cherry Italian Duotone.

Ah! I love the smell of new books! Beautiful, don't you think? :)

In other news, A has a Filipino test tomorrow. We were all set to study, but she has once again escaped from me. I found her sound asleep on her bed, with her Binhi book under her head. :( I guess that means we're waking up early tomorrow. I guess that also means I'm cutting this entry short. Nyar. Goodnight, peeps!

Monday, October 12, 2009

Solid Rock

I went to have coffee (well, I didn't exactly have anything, teehee) with my small group Friday night. L talked about how obedience does not necessary equate to you being free from storms. Some Christians obey merely because they are called to obey, not because they desire to obey. And that spells a big difference in God's eyes. We have to remember that God knows every crevice of our hearts. I've often wondered why God would allow terrible things to happen to some Christians I know. I know of a couple in Church. Beautiful relationship, seemingly great walk with God. But then the husband packs up and disappears to nowhere, while his very pregnant wife is clueless as to his whereabouts and well-being. So why did this happen? I also know of a great couple who died in a car accident, leaving their two young daughters behind. Lovely folks, and yet terrible thing to happen. Why do these things happen to good people? I look at their stories and I find no answers to my questions. I cannot judge them or the lives they led. I look to God and know that only He holds the answers. The things that happen in my own life confuse me too sometimes. Even I don't know why. All I know, and this I am sure of, is that God's power is magnified in my weaknesses. When I am weak, He is strong. He will take whatever it is that happened in our lives (good and bad) and use it for His glory.

"Each time he said, 'My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.' So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me." 2 Corinthians 12:9

Pastor D, in his message two Sundays ago, mentioned how living a life with Christ does not promise us a storm-free life, but rather, it guarantees us a storm-proof life. We come out shaken but not stirred. Stronger, not weaker.

"Do not be afraid or discouraged, for the Lord will personally go ahead of you. He will be with you; he will neither fail you nor abandon you.” Deuteronomy 31:8

The past week has been a bit stormy for me. I took on u-turns of past hurts as Pepeng ravaged the north. There was even one day when I allowed depression to take over me. But then, because of all the prayers coming my way, I was quick to realize that God wants me to be joyful in all things. His grace is sufficient and He promises peace that passes all understanding. Some of my friends have asked me how I can laugh, smile, and even joke about all that has happened. I do not know. It can only be God's grace, really. And the promises of His Word that I have kept hidden in my heart.


You have to build your house upon a rock.
Make a strong foundation on a solid spot.
Well, the storms may come and go,
But the peace of God you will know.

I learned this song as a kid. But it is a great reminder now. Had I had my foundation built on something else other than Christ, I would have been washed away the moment the storms in my life hit.

I've received a lot of slack from always relating every event in my life to God. Some people call it stupid hypocrisy, some call it plain stupid. Even my best friend says "you're being too fatalistic, K". I never said I was perfect. I am far from perfect! I break down, I get bitter, I lose focus, I cry, I feel helpless sometimes. But I have God. And if you cannot hope in your One True Hope, which direction would you take if you were in my shoes? I've heard countless stories of women having similar situations, and they easily gave up - with some ending their marriages, and some ending their lives (or their partners' lives). I cannot speak for them, because I do not know their situation. I can only talk about mine. I am not saying I know where I am heading, but I am focusing on God and what He has in store for me. I hope with peace in my heart, knowing this is all for His glory.

"Yet what we suffer now is nothing compared to the glory he will reveal to us later." Romans 8:18

So. Are you grounded in Truth? It is the only guarantee to a storm-proof life. You may think this blog is stupid to contain references to God, the Bible, etc. I, on the other hand, think it is unwise to not be anchored in Him who says, "I am the way, the truth and the life. No one can come to the Father except through me." Yes, the only way to get through storms is to hold on to the One who promises True Life. My feet is on the Rock and my life is on a roll.
I had a great day. Yes, looking at better days ahead. Nothing but better days. :) God is amazing!

Saturday, October 10, 2009

Back 2 Back! (See you at tonight's bonfire!)

Thursday, October 8, 2009


My best friend, F, is tying the knot this month. Yes, finally. After years of swimming in his fish bowl, he has decided to marry the one fish in it with him. Not that I do not agree. More like, I want him to be sure. Once, after I had tied the knot myself, F goes to me and says I married all for the wrong reasons. He could be right. I look back and I can only conclude that I may not be having the problems I have today had I waited for God's best. Oh well, c'est la vie. You make mistakes. We all do. Life is too short to dwell on past errors. We have to get up, move on, and make the most out of what is left of that once-upon-a-time dream.

And yet, let me just quote my earlier post as I find it so applicable to my point: Marriage is a lifetime commitment, and you must CHOOSE to see it through when you take that first step. When you say "yes" to your significant other, you say yes, knowing that he or she isn't perfect, believing that you will be able to stay married 'til death do you part.

So to you, F, I say if you found all the right reasons to do so, then "Cheers! and "Good luck!" I pray that yours work out. I know I've said it many times in the past, but I will say it again. If she makes you happy (and I know she will make you a good wife) then I'm all for it. You deserve to be happy. After all, everyone deserves a chance at happily-ever-after. And all good things come to those who wait, and we both know you've waited long enough. ;)

For Better Or For Worse (Repost: from Multiply, 29 July 2008)

The following is a repost from my private Multiply Blog. I wrote this over a year ago. It's funny how bad went from worse to worst in just a matter of months. FOR BETTER OR FOR WORSE. Heavy words for a heavy heart.

how does one value marriage nowadays? what ever happened to "forever" and vows to stick it through thick and thin, for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, 'til death do us part?

yesterday, i found out that one of my good friends is getting a divorce. this came as a shock to me since she just got married to her long-time beau two years ago. she didn't explain why or how or what happened, and i didn't want to make any wild guesses when she opted not to give details. so here i am, sitting in front of my laptop, wondering what went wrong, and how, in those two years of togetherness did they decide to let things go?

"she must have a pretty good reason, just like J." F reasoned on google talk.

maybe so, but i try to think of a "pretty good reason" and i am left with none. just the same, i do not wish to judge her or her reasons for leaving (or maybe it was the guy's decision to let go). she never judged MY reasons for staying, though she was one of the first to admit that she never liked my husband from the start.


today, over a serious discussion on marriage with E and how one must be prepared to weather storms when getting into a commitment as committed (hehe) as marriage, i started thinking about how people just seem to take forgranted their vows now. parang to some, it's so easy to get into a marriage, because there is always that window to jump overboard when you're not sailing smoothly (or as smoothly as you would like to). which brings me back to my original question: why is "for better or for worse, etc" in the marriage vow, when you quit when the worse come your way?

E pointed out that most old couples that are still together after 10, 20, 30, 40, 50, ++ years are those that have gone through the most storms in the past. they are the ones that survive and see each other through the storm. if that is the secret to a successful marriage (weathering storms, surviving trials, and so on), then why don't most young couples nowadays even aim to get past the 7-year-itch? i know of couples who stay married for a year, or less than 5, and then you see them separated, annuled, remarried in the next 5. bakit ang dali-dali para sa kanila? even those with kids rationalize their decisions by saying "staying together for the sake of the kids is the dumbest reason to save a dying marriage." so please tell me, what were your reasons for getting married in the first place?

most of you know the story of my life, of my marriage. a few months back, i was almost ready to give up. i was adamant. determined to start thinking of myself. but then i look back at the reasons i had 7 years ago when R and i decided to tie the knot, and i know that i cannot be selfish and think of myself when my bottomline has always been to keep my family intact, no matter what. in the midst of all that questioning and seeking out what my priorities were, it was God who gave me the clear-cut answer when the PT came out positive. i am reminded of His promises and the one that impacts my marriage or any marriage most is a promise made from the beginning of time! -- "WHAT GOD HAS PUT TOGETHER, LET NO MAN SEPARATE (Matthew 19:6; Mark 10:9)."

who am i to rationalize divorce or separation for my sake or benefit? i am not the only player in this marriage. true, i have made sacrifices; i have made selfless decisions for the sake of my family. see, after almost 7 years of fighting it, i am surrendering it all to God. i cannot win my battles alone. i even told E, after 7 years, the itch is still there (haha), but it's true. marriage is a lifetime commitment, and you must CHOOSE to see it through when you take that first step. when you say "yes" to your significant other, you say yes, knowing that he or she isn't perfect, believing that you will be able to stay married 'til death do you part.

some Christian books on Marriage mention in passing statements like "God will not judge you when you choose to get a divorce (especially in an adulterous or violent marriage)"... or "God allows divorce when adultery is committed"... etc. but isn't the Bible explicit when God says in Malachi, "...I HATE DIVORCE"? (Malachi 2:16) or when Jesus says in Matthew 19:8 that "Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard. But it was not this way from the beginning." anyway, who am i to rationalize divorce? if i were to give up on my marriage, on 7+ years of praying for the man i love, then why'd i begin praying anyhow? it is like saying my God isn't omnipotent... no, HE IS GOD OF THE IMPOSSIBLE. with Him, all things are possible!

just now, while typing this, R looks over my shoulder and gives me a "pssh!" and he goes back to texting whoever and a thought slips into my head, but i shrug and remember that God's grace is sufficient for me. during my month-long bedrest, i took time to pray for God's direction. and it came with this verse on the 4th day of praying: "Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time, we will reap a harvest if we do not give up." - Galatians 6:9

so why must one give up on a broken, dying, cold marriage? one that is barely 1, 2, 3... (and so on...) years old? couples have their reasons, and i have mine. i do not wish to place judgment on anyone for giving up (likewise, stay away from telling me what to do; only my mom gets the privilege to tell me that i have no choice but to live miserably if i choose to stay in my marriage at this point in our lives... she has her reasons and i don't blame her, hehe).

our hope (with any trial, even those that aren't marriage-related) lies in God, who promises to save, who promises "not to forsake you, but to prosper you, and to give you hope and a future."
So. I wait for inspiration and it hits me in the middle of the night, right when I am finally in bed, all snug and ready for sleep. The kids are sound asleep. All is quiet, save for the soft whirring of the aircon's motor. It gets too quiet around here at night. So much so that I can almost hear the thoughts in my head.

What is keeping me awake on this cool October night? Various thoughts are filling my almost full-to-the-brim head. Yes, nights like this keep me from sweet slumber. I can already picture the hangover tomorrow. Funny that they aren't of the alcohol kind, but rather, the ones from lack of sleep. Just today, my label manager, D, exclaimed his surprise to find me asleep over lunch break. That's a first, he says, or so he thinks. Hohum. I suppose X is right, I do need a break.

But how? Sleep doesn't even come easy, and it is in those moments when I am at rest that my mind decides to run marathons in my head.

Wednesday, October 7, 2009


Two days ago, my friend A received a private message from a brother she didn't know she had. Well, she knew her dad had kids with other women, and she knew she had a brother or sister somewhere out there... but still, the shock of having been contacted by a sibling you didn't know existed! This got us talking about the future and what it could possibly hold for me and my kids. Not that I will be surprised if it happens. But then, if it does happen, I wonder how I'll handle it?

I've actually been psyching myself up for the come-what-may and the what-could-be. Yea, getting ready for that knock on the door episode in my teleserye life.

Lord, if it does happen, please let me deal with it with a kind and forgiving heart.

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

Another Case of the Mental Blog

I have been contemplating on writing a blog entry for the past days, but have not been able to find the right words to do so. A lot of things have been going on in my head lately. My current state of mind can be wrapped up into a single word: frustrated.

I am frustrated over a lot of things - work, family, expenses, a best friend, etc. Yesterday, I was so short strung, I ended up yelling at A for disappearing on me in the middle of her homework. I have been contemplating on sending A to counseling. At 7, she seems to be handling everything well, but it looks like she has a mask on, too. Yesterday, we spent 30 minutes looking for a bag she thought she had misplaced at the office, only to find it in the car, right where she left it! I thought frustrated defined the moment for me, especially since I was ready to blow my top with her thinking this and that, only to have one of my good friends catch me off guard with this comment: "You are not frustrated, you are impatient." And she is so, so right. I reflect on myself, my thoughts and my emotions and can only agree that these have been brought on by my lack of patience. Things have been happening so fast over the past month, and I have been expecting the rest to take on the same quick pace.

I have to remember to pull the reigns on this one. Nope, life is definitely back to 1st gear. Slow as slow can be. But why is it that I still find myself wanting an extra hour or two for my days? I feel as if I have been playing catch up with the rest of the world. I am behind on a lot of things. At work, my list of things to do is just too much. I find myself scrambling for that extra day each time I get a cake order. I find myself spending more and more time at the office at night (because I don't have the heart to face the situation at home). And I don't even have the energy to go with my business partner to the next business meeting, because I feel I need to be at home with the kids (in exchange for the guilty feelings I have, since I spend most of my days at work).

So. Does this post even make any sense to you? I don't even know why I'm publishing this one today. I have to remember to write when I find the inspiration. I had a blog in my head two mornings ago, but decided not to write about it now. Hohum, yes, I have been bitten by the mental blog bug once again. I wonder how long this one would last... nyar.

Saturday, October 3, 2009

Requesting for Prayers

May I please ask for prayers? Need intercession for something happening tomorrow. May God's will be done. Thanks, friends!

Thursday, October 1, 2009

Weathering The Storm

It's funny (in a way) how someone with problems could think it's the end of the world, only to see that the rest of mankind may have bigger problems. I am embarrassed at the thought that once, I assumed no one could have worse problems than the baggage I was carrying with me. Alas, disasters like that of Ondoy open our eyes to the realities of this cruel, cruel world. :(

But I sit back in awe at how resilient Filipinos are. We weather each storm with our chins up. We fall but before you know it, we are up and about, ready to take on the next challenge.

Yes, there are bigger problems than mine. Hurricanes and tsunamis compared to my little storm. Problems like yours and mine should make us stronger. We don't go through it for nothing. I'd like to think I will stand strong the next time a "cyclone" comes my way. If not, then I went through the past ones for nothing.


Another typhoon on the way, and yet, over 70 employees in our company alone have no place for shelter, no comfy bed to sleep in, no home to call home. My brother and I went from one supermarket to another (and another!) all of this week, looking for noodles, canned goods, bread and the like, only to find shelves empty in some. And now with another storm looming, you can't help but feel weary. Disasters are happening left and right from all over, and it makes you ask "what next?"

(photo on right shows the Noodles bay at Shopwise, Libis; taken on 30 Sept 2009 -->)


It's late and I have to get some shut-eye soon. Been sleeping AND waking up late the whole week. Emotional stress is killing me (sidenote: heard over the radio today that lack of sleep promotes Alzheimer's! Yikes!). A and I were supposed to watch UP 3D again tonight, but it was so traffic on the way home! So we had to skip that. For the first time in months, we had family dinner at the table together, so that was nice. Life is taking on a bit of normalcy so yey! Who cares about the ongoing drama? The important thing is my children have genuine smiles on their faces. Nothing in this world will beat that.

X: I know (well, my MIL didn't brand me detective KC for nothing, hehe). :) Nevertheless, thanks for your private comments. I appreciate them. Will leave you a message on your blog soon.

JNP: No. Will blog about it soon. And I go to VCF. :) Happiest place on earth!

Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Understanding Friends

Another thing that baffles me is how some of our friends (that's OUR friends, take note) are tolerant of R's ways. I would think that it would be a real friend's duty (as a real friend, that is) to reprimand a friend of his wrongdoings. But not in the case of most of R's buddies.

R grew up with a bunch of guy friends who belong to a notorious group. Their support for each other surpasses family ties, let me tell you! Once, in a conversation with our good friend A, I asked why, after all these years of knowing of R's womanizing, did he not bother telling R that what he was doing was wrong. His response did not surprise me. They were brothers. They looked after each other and had each other's back. A also said that he was no hypocrite. He went through similar problems in the past, and it would be hypocrisy to tell R off. After all, he was no saint as well.

One of R's gimmick pals, P, could not come up with a good answer when asked why, even though he knew me, met me, ate my famous spaghetti, etc., he accepted the fact that R would take him out to meet many of his many girlfriends. And each time I asked about so and so, P would reply with "Oh, they're just friends." Yea, right. There was a time when I saw pictures of R with P and different women at different times. "Friends". Different women on R's lap. Pictures of them in bed. Pictures of locked lips. Some pictures P even took! Tolerant, accepting, consenting P. Willing accomplice P. And yes, R and his "just friends".

Then there's the officemate friend, who did just the same. And I was so trusting of him because I thought he cared for our family, for our kids. Only to find out how he spread wild lies about me. Reading the emails he exchanged with my hubby while my hubby was in the US brought angry tears to my eyes. And yes, he was a willing accomplice as well.

Once, when attending a party with R's old barkada, his friend G loudly announced that he met a girl he thought R should date. And when I commented on his insensitivity, another friend T came to the rescue with another rude comment about how I was paranoid. Sigh, men!

Even the wives of some of R's friends kept R's secrets. When confronted with the same problem with her own hubby, our friend G could not come to terms with the fact that no one told her about her hubby's affair. And it was only then that I understood why she never told me about what she knew about R. The wives chose to mind their own business only because in their perspective, should it happen to them, they'd be too weak to take the blow. So they kept mum. And of course I became furious when I found out that they all knew, while I was the last to know.

Mind you, these are people I know. People who know me as R's wife. People who are my friends, people who are godparents to our children. And not one, not a single one of them dared to tell R that his womanizing was wrong. In fact, they in a way encouraged it. They accepted R's girl-of-the day during gimmicks, added them to their social networking sites, turned a blind eye to whatever R and his girl did in front of them, and collaborated his story about being single and available.

I guess you cannot blame them. After all, people should mind their own business. And the man who keeps their mouth shut is wise.

It's a different story altogether for R's new friends. But no, they do not deserve my attention, nor do they deserve special mention. Who applauds a friend for his sins? Who mindlessly puts a friend up on a pedestal for being a womanizing homewrecker? What kind of friend would create fan pages about his current "fame", forgetting the fact that he has children who can read, surf the net and comprehend? Bah! I shall never, NEVER understand those "friends".

Sunday, September 27, 2009

State of Calamity

Today, I reflect on those who lost their homes yesterday due to the onslaught of rain. My heart goes out to some of my co-workers who had to spend the night atop their houses, wet and hungry. :(

I would also like to take this time to thank God that my kids and I are safe, and in a dry, high place. I wonder how we can all pick up the pieces after each storm we go through in life, but remember that our God is bigger than all these. His mercy, grace and love is NEW every morning.


Want to help? Please visit MQ's blog with details on how, where and what here.

Friday, September 25, 2009

Understanding Outlaws

For the past 8 years, I have racked my brains, trying to understand R's family. Not that they aren't good people, but they are too cliquish - they stick to each other like Super Adhesive. True, admirable trait for some, but sometimes, a little too (what's the word?...) secret society for my taste.

Like any other family, they have skeletons in their closet. Family secrets they hide from non-blood relations, inlaws included. The first time I met my inlaws, I thought it was odd that they kept to themselves. R's younger sis, L was the one closest to me in age, so she was the only one I got to bond with. They're really nice folks, except for the fact that they treat others like well... "others". Don't get me wrong, I love my inlaws. They are after all, R's parents and sibs, and my kids' blood relatives. Sometimes though, I wonder if they, in return, love me. It has been a long-standing Q for me and the other outlaws in the family. The ex of one of R's brothers once confided that my FIL once told her this: "In our family, we love our kids, and our kids' kids, but you girls (referring to the ones married to his children), psssh! We don't care about you." Well, something to that effect. I didn't really take it to heart because at first, my inlaws were really nice to me. R once said his father was proud of the fact that I was his daughter-in-law because I was smart and I come from a good family. But then, I noticed that they started keeping things from me - facts about R's whereabouts, his plans, his schedule, his visits to their place, etc. Once, when R and I were hanging out at his folks', his older brother told us not to tell his then-girlfriend (now ex) that he was in town. Later that afternoon, when the girlfriend came to pick my MIL up, my MIL lied to her straight-faced. Like it was nothing out of the ordinary, like it was matter-of-fact. That opened my eyes big time. Sure, I can tell a fib, but that episode started a string of hurts, especially for my BIL's ex. But then, that's another story.

But yes, everyone in that family is super secretive. And it is like they think of you as dumb to not figure things out. When R was in the US two years ago, he became incommunicado two months before he flew back, and when I had asked one of his older sisters M if she ever got to talk to him, she fibbed by telling me that she last spoke with him that day he left for the US! I mean, what a crock of poop! Why they keep things like that from me, I do not know. It isn't like I will fly off to look for him. I just care for my hubby and worry about his well-being.

It reached a point when once, upon having caught R with someone, I sought my MIL's comfort. And instead of reprimanding R, she advised him (in front of me!) to leave town!!! I mean, what mother tells her son to leave his wife? Once, over the phone, while I cried out to her on R's womanizing, she exclaims, "Matagal ko na kasi sinasabi diyan kay R na maghiwalay na kayo. Ba't ba kasi hindi nalang kayo maghiwalay? Pinipilit niyo pa sarili niyo na magsama! Sus!" I mean, what parent wishes for their son or daughter to have a broken marriage? Sigh.

My friend A once told me that when her brother was cheating on his wife, their mom felt it was her duty to defend her son no matter what. NO MATTER WHAT. After all, he is her son and moms love their sons regardless. So maybe it isn't my MIL's fault she was too defensive of her sons? Maybe it is second nature, like a lioness protecting her cubs? I look at my parents and they never, NEVER tolerated sin. Even the smallest, smallest lie didn't go unpunished. We were taught right from wrong, and that sin can never, ever be justified to be right.

Nevertheless, I love my MIL. I guess she realized that she cannot direct our lives and has resorted to telling me to "Keep Praying" each time she hears of marital woes between R and me. She is after all, religious. If there is one thing I admire about her, it is her unconditional love for her son.

I once had a tussle with my FIL. There was one time when I sent R away, after one of our many heated arguments about his "past time". My FIL, upon finding out what happened told me off by saying "Walang pwedeng magpalayas sa mga anak ko. Aba, kung may nagpalayas sa kanila, PI sya!" And of course, I knew he meant me. But that incident has long been resolved between us.

One Saturday, around 2 years ago, my FIL had a long talk with me. During our hour-long conversation, he told me how he appreciated that I stayed with R all these years. He knew I was praying for R and that in some way, He knew I was a martyr for staying and he told me so. He also told me he was aware of his sons misdeeds, and that if it had been any other girl by his side, she would have left R a long time ago. It was a talk much appreciated. It was acknowledgment for all the years I served without wanting anything in return. In a way, he is right. I am a martyr. This, after all, is no longer for me. If this is the only way R can be a better person, then I will wait for that day.

Today, I look back at that day and realize how foolish it was to stay. But I guess God has His way and timing. I am stronger today. If what had happened recently, happened then, I'd be lost and a mess. Thank God for perfect timing!

My thoughts bring me to them today, because last night, as I sat pondering about all that has happened, I realize that they haven't (no, not once!) checked up on me or the kids. My mom says to just let it go as it is no big deal, I have all the support I can get at home and from my friends. But it does matter! They are after all, blood relatives of my kids - family who are supposed to care. A few months ago, when I asked R why his parents haven't even visited the baby and if they care at all to check up on their new grandkid, he said they do but are probably busy. Who'd be too busy for grandkids?! Your guess is as good as mine.

Two years ago, when chatting over YM with my SIL L, I wondered why their mom never even bothered to tell me that she was in contact with R, who was then in the US. Because I posed a lot of questions, I was told I was investigating and trying to catch them in a lie! But why hide the fact from me when they knew I was waiting for any information on my hubby's well-being?! That ended whatever relationship I had with L. Our communication was soon limited to Hi and Hello over once-in-a-blue-moon emails that went unanswered for months. She even went as far as deleting me from any network group we were previously contacts in. Secrets abound! That can only be my conclusion and it pains me that they treat me and their other inlaws this way. Weird doesn't even describe their attitude towards us. It is not in any way normal.

Or maybe it IS normal. I have many girlfriends who have similar problems with their inlaws. My cousin's wife H is in an even worse situation with her inlaws (my uncle and aunt!). They have gone as far as spreading stories about her - texting friends, pastors and church leaders to malign the poor girl. They've spread rumors about her baby not being my cousin's and have insinuated that my cousin should get a DNA test to see if he is indeed the father of their baby! Sad, isn't it? That parents, who are supposed to be more mature and lead by example, are the ones who instigate trouble in the lives of their children. Sigh.

I am not saying, however, that I am the perfect inlaw. I am nowhere near perfect. I have mistakenly involved my inlaws in my cause to save my marriage, when I know I shouldn't have. But I had no one to turn to during the first few years of marital woes. I didn't want to let my family know I was having problems with R. So I did what I thought was right, I talked to his mom. In my valentine's day letter to my inlaws last year, I told them that I admired the way they stick to each other through thick and thin. In fact, I still admire their determination to stay intact. It is what family is all about, after all. To stand by each other, to hold your hand in the midst of trouble, to be there when the whole world turns against you.

With the turn of events in my own family life, I have lost whatever anger I have against all that R has done. A friend once told me that if she sees me back with R in the future, she will slap me across the face. I wonder now if R and I will ever find peace in our situation. We were once best of friends. Partners who vowed to be with each other for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer... and yet, as death tiptoed close to R's door, I was nowhere near him, far from beside him. And I think to myself, why did it happen this way? Why did we take this road? Right now, I have no answers. All I know is that once, I had a dream to have the perfect family. Now that dream remains a dream, far from realization. I do, however, still have that chance to correct the situation with my inlaws. They are still family, and no matter how much pain and disappointment they've caused me, I still love them. Maybe one day, they will stand by me the way they stand by their kids. Maybe one day, I will be lucky enough to be treated like family. Yes, even if it does not work out with R.

Why do I even bother? Well, life is short, and bottomline is, the world will be a better place if we all got along. Ironically, I always got along with the moms of my exes. Fancy none of them became my actual inlaw. In the end, all I really want is a family for my kids. It will be a waste of time to bicker and hold grudges. Bottomline is, they love their son. In a weird way. But they love their son. That is all I need to know in order to understand.
Related Posts with Thumbnails