Sunday, November 1, 2009

The R Enigma

What a puzzle this man is! As expected, his promises remain empty promises. All that talk about being a better person has flown out the window. He has once again resumed the life he used to lead. I am not surprised. Neither am I disappointed. Well alright, maybe just a tad sad. Because the man I used to love no longer exists in this person I call 'hubby'. Any good left in him has jumped into the abyss called never-will-I-change.

I am caught in between worlds. God knows where I am right now; He knows exactly how I feel.

R went to church with us today. And while he listened to Pastor D's message on death, I sat wondering if he understood what it meant to live continuously in sin. How sin has set him apart from God, who is the Giver of Life. I wonder if he took it to heart that he has to make that change. I have this nagging feeling, you see, that R has a heart that is so callous, it will never want to change.

And so I think to myself, why do I even bother? Lord, I am tired. But what is Your will? The narrow path is filled with potholes. I tread carefully and yet, there are times when I don't want to walk in this path anymore. :(
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