Short Visit

I know it's getting old, but please excuse the absence. See, R came home Friday night, and spent his birthday weekend with the kids. Let me rephrase that. R came home unannounced and required extra grace.

I am usually ok with surprise visits, provided that you treat your host with respect. He was okay Friday and Saturday, but Sunday, on his birthday, he treated us like sh*t. Forget that he wanted to spend time with his children, and that he had asked if he could go to church with us, or treat us out to lunch. He fell asleep in church, made a ruckus by taking the emergency exit when the pastor was in the middle of his message (causing the guard and another pastor to run after him, ayayay!), and demanded that we stop asking him to buy anything else, after he had spent a total of P105.00 for A's Quickly drink and RL's banana shake.

And so, the next few days were similar. He would get pissed because of this and that - forgetting he was no longer man of the house but a house guest. He helped himself to our pantry, stuffing himself with cans of Spam, fancy cereal and fruits - even when the nanny told him we were saving those for RL's bento. I do not wish to be greedy, but what should I feel when this man calls me out on P105.00 when I spend over 1000x on tuition, and even more for utilities, food, etc on a daily basis?!

Really, why do I even allow this?

I'm all for being nice, and fighting for my family. But I draw the line when the kids are involved - when they are affected and when he treats even his own with little respect.

He had an allergy attack Wednesday, and couldn't breathe. We were trying to calm him down, and administer medication, but he just kept yelling. I saw a glimpse of my future right there. My friends would always tease me how they foresee him coming home to us when he is old, sick and disabled. Oh please. I don't think I want a grumpy, old man for a husband. Really, where is the man I married? I do not see the old R in him anymore.

What am I saying here? This man - this man who keeps on invading our space, only when he feels like it, no longer belongs here. He is a different person. A stranger. I no longer know this man.

I want to be nice, but he's making it so difficult to even be civil.

I am glad the visit was short. Nevertheless, I am thankful it happened. It has opened my eyes, and has given me resolve. It's funny how wisdom comes right when reality hits you in the face.

This is it, pancit. 

Life Update

I realized I haven't blogged about life for quite a while now. Nothing to it, I've just been really busy trying to make ends meet. Life has actually been good (Praise God!). Work has been good. It's great to see God's Hand on this. Amazing how He's kept us afloat all these years.

The Old has Gone.
The New has Come.

A
My not-so-little girl starts fourth grade on Thursday. A has her old classmate from ABS-CBN in her section this year, so she's pretty excited. I think excited is an understatement. I haven't seen anyone as hyped and psyched about going back to school. Meanwhile, I'm halfway through wrapping her books and labeling her stuff. Thank goodness for the holiday, I get an extra day to work on things at home.

Two Saturdays ago, she went through Victory Weekend and got baptized. I pray she walks passionately with the Lord. My heart can't be any happier to see my kids choose life.

How to Eat a Mango

RL
The baby isn't a baby anymore. Nope. RL speaks in sentences. His words actually surprise me. Although there are times when he prefers to baby talk and pretend to be a baby again, there's no stopping this little boy. He can be very persistent at times. We actually see a lot of his funny side. I've been sharing his funny moments on FB. He can be quite the comedian.

He has this thing for mangoes lately, and eats about 2, sometimes 3 a day. He loves the seeds, so we slice the mangoes in such a way that the cheeks are thin, and the middle part gets all the meat. This has become a dilemma for me, now that summer's over. Can't find nice mangoes anymore. What used to be P20-P30/kilo is now about P60-P70/kilo (plus smaller in size). And they're not as good nor as sweet. I heard from the lady down at the neighborhood fruit store that her mango stock next week will come from Davao, and that they will be more expensive and a tad sour. Man!

I was thinking about letting RL start preschool this year, but decided to homeschool him instead. He just turned three (yes, time flies) anyway, and I want him to enjoy his toddler years. He has mastered his A-B-Cs and can count perfectly from 1 to 10 (and backwards!); he's learning 11 to 20 and can actually do simple addition (well as much as his fingers can help him). Which is pretty good, I think. He knows his colors and knows a ton of words. He loves adjectives and can play synonyms with us in the car. So yea, time flies.

R
The truth is, I haven't kept in touch since he moved back south. It's easier for me and the kids when we're not attached to empty promises and unfulfilled plans. He called me Friday to let me know he was visiting again. I'm not sure what to make of it. But I take everything with a grain of salt - more like keeping the peace for the children's sake. Oh and excuse me, I've heard enough of "it's stupid to stay together for the kids' sake", because girls, we aren't together. We're friends. So live with it. Any step R takes from this point on is his own doing. I haven't done a single thing to influence his decisions. Well, other than praying for him.

Click on Photo!

K
Well, what's up with me? Nothing much, just working my butt off to make living life a little easier. I've taken on more responsibilities as a volunteer in church and I must say, I'm enjoying every bit of it. NappyCakes has taken a back seat for now (I haven't been accepting orders because of work) and I realized I want to stop doing this (well, for now). The stocks are taking up most of my attic space, which I want to convert soon to the kids' playroom. We've started purging and selling some stuff over on Shop From My Closet - mostly baby stuff for now, as I need to find time to sort and take photos. Right now, we're saving up for RL's tuition and maybe a trip to the US with family next year.

Upper Left Clockwise: Katniss in Boot; Hello Mickey!; Eye Love You; A and her Katniss: We're Friends; RL's Baby. 

MICKEY AND KATNISS
Our shih tzu has taken on a new friend. If you follow me on Twitter then you probably already know that my mom's driver gave us this kitten, who A insists on calling Katniss (I blame it on the movie). She's Siamese, I think, and has the loveliest blue eyes. I was told that she's about 3 months old (I haven't gotten her actual birth date from my mom's chauffeur), but yea, she's a keeper, don't you think? My brother's girlfriend had Persian kittens as well, and we were about to adopt another female, but when we tried to introduce her to our home, she cried all night. I don't think she was meant for our family so we decided to give her back. Besides, Katniss is fairly new (she's been here for almost a month now), and I would love for her to enjoy being the center of attention first - which, of course, Mickey objects to. But they're friends and all is well.

Overall, life has been good. Trying, at times, but we're still blessed. The past months have seen healed relationships, new friendships, renewed ties, financial blessings, new work, etc. I can not ask for anything more.

Well, maybe an iPad for the kids. LOL! Uh, Lord?

STOP!

This morning, my good friend L sent me a verse via text. Was too busy to stop and read. I had a rough, rough day. Tuition day tomorrow and I am short. R won't help, and I don't want to fight about money anymore. I cried and asked God so many questions.

Just now, I had to text L for something and stopped to read the verse she sent over 12 hours ago:

"Lord, You are the answer to our questions and the solution to our problems. Only You have the wisdom to work through the storms. In You we find help, and hope, and healing, Amen. Thus says the Lord, the God of David your father: 'I have heard your prayer, I have seen your tears'." Isaiah 38:5

AND...

"They cried out to the Lord in their trouble, He saved them out oftheir distresses" Psalm 107:19

And to think I liked her status on FB this morning (which had these verses too)!

When God wants to get His message across, it is useless if we do not stop and listen. Life may go too fast, that we do not even bother listening back after we throw a prayer His way. WE HAVE TO STOP AND LISTEN! Look! He had His promise ready for me even before I asked!

I am expectant, Lord! RAIN DOWN!

A Dip A Day...

...keeps the heat away! And that's exactly what my little boy has been up to. He's been swimming everyday, well almost. It started Holy Week when A was with my folks and sibs in Pampanga. RL and I stayed in Manila. It was so hot one day, I decided to take A's old pool down from the attic, cleaned it and filled it with nice, cool water for RL.

RL in A's old Barbie Heart Pool. Hehehe, who cares if it's pink when it's hot? LOL!

He's been taking a dip in it everyday since. Well, except for that weekend when my neighbors knocked down their old windows, and we couldn't use the courtyard because of the dust.

We actually have a big inflatable pool, but it's too big for the courtyard!

R (not in photo) took the kids swimming!

How timely that Johnson's Baby has introduced a new product to keep babies' skin protected during the hot, summer months. Yes, the NEW! Johnson's® Baby Daily Sun Protection Lotion (currently my fave baby product) is finally out in the Philippine market! Woot! Finally! A mild sun block that's safe for RL's sensitive skin. Thank goodness for this, my kids can have SAFE fun under the sun.

~~~

NEW! Johnson’s® Baby Daily Sun Protection Lotion

Introducing Johnson’s® baby Daily Sun Protection Lotion, a first from Johnson’s – this product makes sure baby’s skin stays protected, even when mom thinks they've got it all covered.

Baby’s skin is still developing so it is not yet fully capable of protecting him against environmental stresses like the sun’s harsh rays. It also has less melanin, which acts as natural protection against UV rays, making him more susceptible to sun damage. While his skin might not be showing signs of sun damage now, excessive sun exposure can build up over time and can result in wrinkles, sunspots, and even melanoma, a type of skin cancer.

Johnson’s® baby Daily Sun Protection Lotion contains special ingredients that can block as much as 90% of the sun’s harmful UVA/UVB rays, offering wide sun protection. Its clinically-proven mild formula is light and non-greasy, making it safe and comfortable for everyday use. This new product is safe to use for babies 6 months and up!

Johnson’s® baby Daily Sun Protection Lotion is available at Mercury Drug, Baby Company, Watsons and selected supermarkets near you. Available in SPF15 100ml (P230.00 SRP) and SPF30 50ml (P215.00 SRP).


To know more about Johnson’s ® baby Daily Sun Protection Lotion, visit: www.babycenter.com.ph/sunprotection

Pearl

Of all the Katy Perry songs A is crazy about, this is my favorite. The other night, on the way to Edsa Shangri-la for an after-concert party, A decided to talk to me about this song.

"It reminds me of you, Ma."

Lyric Video Credit: MyUniverseMusic on Youtube

PEARL

She is a pyramid

But with him she's just a grain of sand 

This love's too strong like mice and men

Squeezing out the life that should be let in

 She was a hurricane-cane-cane-cane

But now she's just a gust of wind 

She used to set the sails of a thousand ships

 Was a force to be reckoned with

She could be a statue of liberty

She could be a Joan of Arc

But he's scared of the light that's inside of her

So he keeps her in the dark

Oh, she used to be a pearl...

Ohh Yeah, she used to rule the world...

Ohh Can't believe she's become a shell of herself 

'Cause she used to be a pearl 

She was unstoppable

Moved fast just like an avalanche

But now she's stuck deep in cement

Wishing that they'd never ever met

She could be a statue of liberty

She could be a Joan of Arc

But he's scared of the light that's inside of her

So he keeps her in the dark

Oh, she used to be a pearl...

Ohh Yeah, she used to rule the world...

Ohh Can't believe she's become a shell of herself 

'Cause she used to be a - 

Do you know that there's a way out, 

there's a way out

there's a way out 

there's a way out

You don't have to be held down, 

be held down

be held down

 be held down

'Cause I used to be a shell

Yeah, I let him rule my world

my world, ohh, yeah

But I woke up and grew strong

And I can still go on

And no one can take my pearl

You don't have to be shell,

No You're the one that rules your world, ohh 

You are strong

and you'll learn that you can still go on

And you'll always be a pearl

She is unstoppable

So yea, this is my anthem this week. I hope you find encouragement in Katy Perry's Pearl and find the strength to find yourself again.

AB Marriage/ BS Parenting

Do you ever wonder why one would need years of training to become a professional and yet none to be a spouse or parent? I mean, look at doctors, bankers, etc. A doctor takes years of school and training; bankers have at least four; heck, even an office assistant needs at least two years of vocational school to start work! Whereas some couples go into marriage and parenting without relationship and nurturing credentials to their name. So yes, did you ever wonder why?

A lot of marriages today fail because, let's face it, couples rush into it unprepared. Why should one or two pre-wedding seminars suffice? If a spouse's role or a parent's role is most vital in a person's life, then, why, pray tell, do we go into unions as novice and not experts?

I should know as I rushed into marriage as well - unprepared for what was to be my role for the rest of my life. I remember when, after R and I started having problems (the bigger ones that count), my friend F told me about how we should seek counseling or attend family seminars to save our marriage. I had pushed the idea aside, thinking I knew better, when really, I knew nothing about saving marriages and keeping my family intact.

R and I have been 'physically' separated for about 2+ years now. Nothing could have prepared us (kids included) for what was to come after he left. Communication was hard (we always ended up on each other's nerves) and visits were nil (especially when he moved South). And I suppose, the hardest thing for a parent was to explain the situation to the kids (more for A, but RL has been asking more about his dad lately). If I was unprepared to be a mom, how much more a single mom! I needed help. I sought the advice of friends and family, and although I appreciate their opinion and take on my situation, most didn't know exactly what I had to go through (as most, in fact, none of them knew how it was to be separated - I am blessed with friends in healthy, godly marriages, ha!).

If parenting is hard for couples, what more for those who have to tackle being BOTH mom AND dad alone? Single parenting is tough. Having a family is no joke. It is the basic unit that affects every individual. I want to be the best parent I can be to my kids, but really, I can only do so with God's grace. I don't even know how and where to start! So I reiterate, why do we go into starting a family unequipped?

Apparently, I am not alone in this thought. Last year, three friends saw the need to help couples prepare themselves for marriage and parenting. They got together to organize what is to be the first-ever FAMILY CONGRESS in the Philippines, happening on August 25, 2012.

Meet Maribel Dionisio, Rowie Matti and Fides Reyes - the organizers behind this big event. I got the privilege of meeting the three ladies during a parenting talk a few Saturdays ago. Maribel Dionisio co-organized the 1st Ateneo Family Congress in 2005. The desire to educate couples and parents spurred her desire to put up FAMILY CONGRESS 2012 - BFF: BUILDING THE FILIPINO FAMILY. With the help of organizing expert, Fides Reyes (F.I.D. Event Services) and educator, Rowie Matti (Galileo Enrichment Learning Program), Maribel hopes to help educate Filipino families about relationships and love.

The Family behind FAMILY CONGRESS 2012!
Clockwise from Top:  Maribel S. Dionisio, Ma. Rowena J. Matti and Fides M. Reyes

FAMILY CONGRESS 2012 aims to provide a venue for learning by gathering the best experts in the field of psychology, parenting, and relationship to share their knowledge to family members, educators and organizations in the most effective and simplest way.

Check out the line up of talks, speakers and activities during this whole-day affair:

AM Sessions:
* Migrating and Managing the Digital World by Queena Lee-Chua, Ph.D.
* Handling the Bully and the Bullied by Honey Carandang, Ph.D.
* Built for Forever: Preparing Singles for a Lifetime Relationship by Rissa Singson-Kawpeng
* Teen Talk about Love, Sex, and Dating by Dan and Nabelle Caballes
* From Wellness to Wholeness (for adults 21 & up) by Harriet Hormillosa, M.A.   
PM Sessions:
* Being Friends Forever in Marriage: Learning the Art of Fighting by Allan Dionisio, M.D. and Maribel Dionisio, M.A.
* Teaching Parents to Talk to Kids & Teens about Crushes, Sex & Relationship by Michelle Alignay. M.A. and Aiza Tabayoyong
* Managing Teen Emotions by Obet Cabrillas
* Career, Relationship, and Life Plan for Singles by Pia Nazareno-Acevedo 
* Beyond the Tears: Griefwork by Cathy Babao-Guballa

All registered participants get to choose one session in the morning, and another in the afternoon. Aside from these 2 sessions, guests will also get to hear inspirational messages from Archbishop Luis Antonio Tagle and motivational speaker, Francis Kong!

How I wish they started having this 10 years ago! But then, it's never too late to learn the ropes on how to nourish a lifetime commitment. At least now, I know better.

FAMILY CONGRESS 2012 - BFF: BUILDING THE FILIPINO FAMILY will be held on August 25, 2012, from 8AM to 5PM, at the Valle Verde Country Club, Pasig City. It is presented by The Love Institute, in partnership with Galileo Enrichment Learning Program and F.I.D. Event Services.

Early Bird Rate I (register on or before April 30): P1300
Early Bird Rate II (register between May 1 to June 30): P1400
Regular Rate: P1500 per attendee
Promo Rate: 6+1! (Pay for 6, get 1 FREE, based on regular rate of P1500 each)

Registration fee is inclusive of seminar fee, meals an loads of swag!

For more information on FAMILY CONGRESS 2012, call the following numbers:
(02) 579-0100
(0917) 897-2903
(0922) 252-1896

Email: familycongress@gmail.com
Twitter: @FamCong2012
Facebook: /FamilyCongress

Old Dogs

Change is a decision one must make for himself. You can't change old dogs nor teach them new tricks. That dog must be willing to make the change for his own good. If it is hard to train puppies and see young dogs make that decision to improve themselves, it must be harder for those that are too old to break bad habits.

But God is bigger than all that. Am I too old a dog to trust that He can move mountains - even old ones that refuse to budge?

"With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.” Matthew 19:26 (NIV)

Road Trip to Far, Far Away!

Many years ago, R decided we should join his childhood friends on a trip out of town. It was at a friend's beach resort in far, far Lobo, Batangas. Smack in the middle of nowhere, in the middle of the night, we thought we were lost (the roads weren't paved - think moon craters) and R wanted to make a U-turn and head home. But we didn't, and made it to the resort safe and sound. It turned out to be a great weekend, but we swore we wouldn't go back as the trip was long, tiring and... uh... bumpy.

A month ago, when the office folks planned our summer outing, our Sales and Marketing Director, TP, suggested his late brother-in-law's diving resort. Where else? But in Lobo, Batangas. I was first to object, remembering that trip many years back (the U-turn story still the subject of jokes and laughs). But TP was able to convince everyone else. I do remember R's childhood friends telling me how the roads have been paved recently and that the once 4-5 hour trip now takes about 3 hours max.

Yesterday, right before we left Manila, I was half-praying (ok, maybe really praying they'd cancel because of the weather), but Sir TP was set on going! Everyone was excited, and I didn't want another episode of the last Christmas Party (long story) so I got it together and left for Lobo with the kids.

Star Tollway, on the way to Batangas City...

Kids were excited to go see the beach. 

T'was a pretty uneventful ride. We got to the end of the Star Tollway at a little past 4. If the roads were indeed paved, I'd say we'd get there in an hour or so. But when we got to Malabrigo, the barangay with all the seaside resorts, Sir TP didn't stop! We left paved roads and continued straight where the road was a single vehicle's width. Daylight left, and we were still driving along a rocky path with no streetlights. I was tempted to do an R and suggested we make a U-turn. Sir TP must not know what it means to convoy. We could no longer see his vehicle lights. But we continued on and reached a beach-side property at the end of what seemed like the edge of Batangas.

The beaches of Batangas are mostly rocky but perfect for scuba diving!

Turned out to be a great weekend. So I'm glad we took the trip, albeit long, tiring and still bumpy.

Hope you're having a great weekend!

Unoffendable

Today I am trying to be more unoffendable. It is a choice I choose to make. Similar to the choice one makes when he chooses to live the Christian life.  It is no easy task. You can either be a Christian by name, OR walk the talk.

Yesterday, as I drove home with A (we had two events in the Makati area), I received a text from R (he flew back last week). He asked if we could pick him up from the gym, and although we had originally planned to pass by a supplier's store to pick up some stuff, A was asleep so I agreed to swing by for him. Turns out he needed to go somewhere North. I asked him to drive instead. A and I were really tired and I wanted to go home to RL, but I chose not to say anything.

When we got to the Scout Area, R asked to be dropped off somewhere. So really, he just needed a free ride. He didn't even ride home with us. Technically, we were off the route by about 6 kilometers. I wanted to say what was on my mind but decided to just hold my tongue.  

Earlier yesterday, as I drove from one event to the other, I volunteered to shuttle some Blogger friends to and fro. And I did that with pleasure because I wanted to help my friends out. It shouldn't be any different with R - even if it seemed out of place. I mean, it shouldn't even reach the WWJD question. I should have felt the same pleasure I did when I helped my friends earlier. Which, honestly speaking, I didn't. 

Lord, I need to be more unoffendable. Especially with those that require Your Extra Grace.

I Can't Believe It!

I was talking to R after the New Year holidays and mentioned how I wanted to go to this nearby country to work. On a recent trip there, I noticed the number of Filipinos working comfortably, and noted that a number of my friends have moved there as well.

That phone conversation lasted quite a while, with R asking me questions about this and that, mentioning that he has friends there, too, and if I thought he'd make it there. At 40, it would be easy if he had great skills. But who knows? This man has proven me wrong so many times in the past.

~~~

I called in sick today, because my chest hurts from too much dry coughing. Right before dinner, I get a call from an overseas number. I take one look, thinking it was a colleague from that country, and answered quickly. Hala! It turned out to be R! Apparently, he's been there for a week and is presently looking for work! What happened to that being MY dream? I can't believe it! This is how easy it is for someone without direct responsibilities to pack up and leave. I asked him about his things and he says he packed them in boxes and left it with his landlord for safekeeping. O_o

Oh well. I wish him well. I can only pray God leads him where He wants him to go. He allowed this to happen. So it must be His will. And my dream? Well, it's still on the drawing board. I guess we'll just have to wait and see.

But yea, WOW. I CANNOT BELIEVE IT! O_o

Let Me Tell You a Secret.

Today is R's birthday. Things have been pretty civil (more like nice) between us for a while. Although there are days when I don't hear from him, and days when I don't think about him, things have been pretty much okay.

Two nights ago, over the phone, we talked about past birthdays. And how, during one of those surprise parties I threw for him, he declared to his friends that he will be the best father to A. Bittersweet. And although he isn't exactly the best dad in the world, I'd like to think he is trying his best - at least as best as how he knows 'best' to be. He was never dad, exactly, to M or KY. So he's only had practice with A (a little bit with RL). And he hasn't been there as much, really, for the little boy. Who knows how much of an influence or an inspiration his dad was in terms of being a parent... So yea, I suppose in his eyes, he is doing okay. Not to say, he could be better. But that's just how it is, for now.

An old photo from R's Friendster account, showing him with baby A.
His shirt (sent by a relative from the US) says World's Best Mom. Hehe.

In that same conversation, which turned out pretty pleasant, we talked about that first birthday surprise in Rockwell, 10 years ago (or was it 11? I forget) - one he doesn't quite remember, except for the part where he tells our server his real age, after being sang to and given a brimming bowl of vanilla ice cream. And we had a good laugh about it.

Time flies. There are days when I think about the good times, and then, there are days when I wish the good times overshadowed the bad. Right now, we're okay and the kids are happy. And I guess that holds importance in family relationships, right? I'm not saying we're fixed or we'll ever get to the point where all is well, but right now, we're fine and that's dandy.

And of course, with all this talk about age, the topic of change came up more than once. Last night, I had asked if he thought that at his age, it was okay to be doing what he was doing. He answered in the form of silence. I don't want to appear like the consenting wife, but at this point, I only wish he is safe and is keeping himself protected from harm and disease.

Times have changed and wounds heal. R, sadly, hasn't changed. Today, his phone is ringing off the hook, and he's probably enjoying his day with his "friends" - friends who think they are more important than family... who think it is cool to be part of that secret life R has been living. But guess what? I know a secret you guys don't.

See, a week ago, on one of those late night conversations with R, he mentioned it was his birthday soon, and his friends (who were with him in the car while he was on the phone with me) had asked how old he was going to be. R, nonchalantly, replied he was going to be 30 on his birthday. 30.

A pretty random number now, don't you think?

I somehow recall celebrating the same birthday 10, maybe 11 years ago. And back then, I was caught off guard as I remember him telling me he was only 26!

You do the math.

Happy Birthday, Dad!

Dear Heavenly Father, 

Today, I pray a hedge of protection around R. 

May the blood of Jesus cover him

 and keep him away from sin. 

I also ask that You reveal Yourself to him

 and that he gets to experience Your love

 and how it is to be Your child. 

In Jesus' Name, Amen.

Of Girl Friends and Marriage... TAKE TWO

Note: I've been wanting to write this piece for the longest time. But I had too many thoughts and too little time to fill a blog entry. So it had to wait. Today, I decided that the post would be worth sitting in the heat for (my living room feels like a sauna!). Besides, I really wanted to stay home today and send entries to A's Disney thing (she won again!).

So here I am, in shock over the turn of events. I received a letter today from an old friend. She just found out that her husband is having an affair with a best friend. BEST FRIEND! I am enraged. Mainly because my friend has been going through so much already. Her father had just been diagnosed with cancer, top that with the fact that she's been dealing with a lifelong disease for years already. She's been in and out of the hospital, and really, she doesn't need the added stress.

I really don't know what to say. I mean, I know how it feels, but to be betrayed by a best friend you love and trust... I can only imagine how heartbroken my friend is right now. Angry, crazy-mad, vindictive, but mostly, sad. Man, I could just break her husband's nose!

Just recently, I was accused of trying to destroy a friend's marriage. Crazy, but true. I was merely being a friend to a friend by warning them about a recent guest they had over for dinner at their house. Alas, this was misinterpreted and I was pushed to be on the receiving end of insults and what-nots (even comments on another blog that talked about this blog) from the angry wife. I may have been trying to save them from a scam-in-the-making, but hey, I know when to draw the line... because I have been in her shoes, and I KNOW how it feels to have a girl friend intrude into married space.

No excuse though. I thought I was doing my friend a favor. I forgot I could be discrediting the wife, who happens to be a friend of the guest. They ended up fighting. I ended up "causing" the fight. Ayayay. :( So I chose to stay away - forget it that my guy friend was one of my best buds from college. I am not going to be the friend who interferes. I am sorry it happened the way it did, but I sure know when I've crossed the line. So goodbye to you, my friend.

I have come across many a girl friend, probably harmless ones at that (some I regret ever confronting) and I know how it feels when a marriage gets threatened. R had a lot (a LOT!) of girl friends. He was quick to introduce some, but the ones he kept under the radar had me going all paranoid. And I know I've written about how one should just give it all to God, and how, no matter how vindictive and angry you can get, there is no way out of the situation but by surrendering it to the Only One in control.

But really, not to get everyone paranoid, how does one protect a marriage from intruding friends?

DRAW THE LINE

R had a close girl friend from the gym, and she was always "too friendly". I was thankful that he introduced her to me, and got us close and all, but the friendship was just too much. She was always, ALWAYS around. Family time became family time + friend, which of course, didn't sit well with me. It was ok at first, but it reached the point where R would tell me to pay for the friend's meal because she gave him a lot of favors, etc. I mean, you owe her, I don't. And let me tell you how they were always, ALWAYS together. They often had dinner together, lunch, merienda, you name it! She was always around. And all over him. She was the touch-y, feel-y type and that just wasn't right. Not with a married man.

There was also this girl I confronted in 2008. I was happily minding my own business when I saw R and friend having coffee outside the place where I worked out (we didn't go to the same gym then). It was close to 10pm and I watched them for a whole hour (yes, yes, loser me, I know). I had called one of our pastor friends for help, and was actually advised to leave and lift the situation to God. But I was stubborn and after more than an hour of waiting, I saw it fit to confront R and T (girl friend). After being told she wasn't a homewrecker, I only had these words for her: "It's close to midnight, what friend keeps a man away from his family at this ghastly hour?"

KEEP GUARD UP

I remember hearing tons of advice from women who had to go through the same trials I've had. On how maintaining a quiet and gentle spirit does the trick vs. confrontation and paranoia. Right, love is not jealous. But it doesn't mean you shouldn't be vigilant. On the contrary, a pastor once said, you have to protect your marriage from going into shambles. Protect it from adultery, like a shepherd guards his flock against wolves.

So when warning signs flash and you absolutely KNOW something is amiss, keep your guard up. My friend noticed that her husband was extra chummy with the best friend. They drank a lot together, shared private jokes with each other, etc. She had suspected something was up, a couple of friends had already warned her about it, but love for her best friend prevailed.

AND YES, SURRENDER IT ALL TO GOD

I actually don't know what advice I can give my friend. Except maybe to be strong and to allow God to weave all this together into something beautiful. God meant it for good, Hun. I know how it feels to be betrayed by someone you love and trust, but I can only imagine how painful it must be to lose both husband and friend.

"You intended to harm me, but God intended it all for good." Genesis 50:20

I Need to Sleep!

I have to be in bed. A has a test early tomorrow morning at her new school. But I slept the whole day (was sick today) so sleep is evasive.

I still have that blog (photoblog!) on Beijing on draft. Really lazy to edit the photos. KY has been bugging me about photos from last year's Anvaya trip. Eeps.

R and I were supposed to have dinner last night. I rescheduled to today, but my stomach wasn't cooperating so I rain-checked again.

"May fever ka?"

"May nakain ka siguro..."

Concerned. Naks.

R has his good days, and really, sometimes, I see the old R in this man. Gaah! What am I saying? I should get some sleep na nga. I might reveal too much and have the haters pouncing again. I didn't do the inviting, ok?

50 Years

My in-laws celebrated their Golden Wedding Anniversary today. My mother-in-law sent me a text message two weeks ago telling me about it. And although I wasn't so sure about going, it was nice to have been thought of. My in-laws and I have been rebuilding our relationship since the whole big brouhaha happened in 2009. Today, we're sort of status quo with a pound of improvement.

Seriously, when I think about it, we haven't had an argument since 2008. Mainly because I stayed away. And the last ugly (well, not so ugly but stressful) conversation I had with them was DURING the brouhaha, when my father-in-law asked me to talk to R and to welcome him back home. O_o

So really, I can attribute all the peace and quiet to my... er... rather wise move to stay away. But really, my in-laws are nice folks. They're pretty old, and my dad's sort of nit-picky the same way (now that he's past senior citizen qualifier, too). But really, what do you expect from an 80-something year old? I am blessed to have them alive and doting on my kids.

Yes, doting. I wouldn't say the same 2 or 3 years ago. Well, they are crazy about A. But they hardly ever saw RL, never visited. But after spending time with my crazy little boy during the Christmas holidays, they have been won over by his charm and wit.

So yea, 50 years. I would have wanted the same for myself.

Thought to self: Hey wait, I'm still married. O_o

My brothers-in-law were ganging up on R over dinner at Gloria Maris, and we were all laughing at how R and I are more like brother and sister now. My mother-in-law wanted us to have a family picture after dinner!!! Nyar. "Family picture, 4 of you. C'mon!" All I could do was grin and say, "No na."

So I snapped a rare pic of R with the kids, and that was it.

But no, I shall not show you the pic. LOL! Lest I get in trouble with R. O_o

Rumors and Lies

I had dinner with a really good friend from R's former place of work. We haven't seen each other in a long time, so dinner at a famous buffet place was a welcome treat. We actually stayed until they closed the place.

Catch-up included current events, and crazy stories about the kids. And well, of course this friend wanted an update on R. I had very little to give, as I am not privy to his ins and outs (I no longer ask) so I just smiled. So this friend started talking about how it was when R first started working for them.

According to this friend, who incidentally was one of R's best buds at work, R claimed he was trapped into marrying me. Ok, old story... and? Well, they were all surprised when they met me. We weren't actually introduced. I was then a parent at the company school. "Sino bang napipikot? Diba yung mayaman?", my friend asked and slapped my arm.

I shrugged. He's been telling everyone that to justify his womanizing. It's old news. I am not affected.

"But why aren't you pissed? Totoo ba?"

Why should I be affected? I know it isn't true. We actually have a prenuptial agreement and I was practically disowned for the first few years I was married to him. How could I have made him pikot then?

My friend stares at me for a good 10 seconds. "You have a prenup?!"

Yes, friends, girls, readers, stalkers, we have a prenuptial agreement. It has been the wisest thing I ever did. R signed the agreement to convince my folks he was going to take care of me, because my folks never liked him.

So tell me, how do you force a man to marry you when he did all the convincing to get you to marry him? He tells everyone the same story - friends, common friends, far-off relatives, acquaintances, etc. I am not surprised. And I've heard this before. I've confronted him about it, too. He denies it but really, does it matter? All I know is IT ISN'T TRUE. Don't we have freedom of choice? I mean, did my dad stick a gun to his head? Heck, we had to FORCE my folks to come to the wedding!

It is sad when people choose to spread lies and baseless rumors. But the truth remains, if you know the truth, then the lies shouldn't affect you. I left it all to God, and I think I've been vindicated more than I could ever hope for.

Separation Anxiety

Today was a first, after more than two months, for RL to stay home. I suppose he got used to going to the office with me. This morning, as I got ready to leave, he kept pointing to himself, saying... "Me! Me!" Then he pointed at his feet... "Shoes! Wear shoes." Then he did the sign for shoes.

Poor baby. It tugged at my heart that I had to leave him with the new nanny. But A stayed home with him, too. I had to reassure him that mommy will be back, and I sure hope everything worked out well. So far, I've received 4 update calls from A - none of the panic-kind, thank goodness.

Yaya B is only 18. She was in 1st year college, and had to quit after the first semester due to financial difficulties. Computer Science, too! She must be smart, and it pains me that she has to stop. Of course my first reaction to this fact was guilt. I so wanna help her, but I also need a nanny. And the last househelp I had helped send to college left me with not one ounce of gratitude. She left pa when I had needed her the most.

My mom says I shouldn't be too nice to my yayas. But I can't help it. I grew up with one. And I remember crying when she left. And it makes me sad that some are young kids with so much potential! My cousin's nanny is a 4th year college drop-out. She stopped because she needed to help her family. She says she made the right decision though, given that she was able to send ALL her siblings to school after working for more than 20 years as a nanny to expat families.

Yesterday, Yaya B played Monopoly with A. And according to A, she was pretty good (this coming from my uber-competitive daughter who thinks she is best at everything!) Then, I was told Yaya B made a call to her mom in the province. And cried. This is daily chismax for my daughter, who was all too eager to tell me all about her and Yaya B's day when I got home.

"She cried! She misses her mom."

I should think so, it is her first time away from home.

I think back to how clingy I was when my own parents left to train in the US in the 80s. This was right after my brother KW was born. We had to endure 3 whole months without them. I remember sobbing each time they'd call.

I've read up on Separation Anxiety because of the case with RL. And experts say reassurance is key to successful separation. Assure and reassure the child that things will be ok, that mommy will come back, etc. My mom says to just sneak out. LOL. I tried the assurance tactic yesterday and that didn't work. So today, I sneaked out.

Early this morning as I tried to psyche myself to get out of bed, my thoughts wandered and brought me to memories of my earlier woes with R. Each time he left my side, I had panicked. When reassurance should have calmed my nerves, I was doubtful. Woman's Instinct told me there was something up his sleeve.

Looking back, I now feel like I wasted so much time worrying. I could have saved myself with God's assurance that He is in control. That, or I could have sneaked out to freedom. O_o Sigh.

Note: After reading this post, make sure you read this one. ^_^

Another Year.

A-ya! Time flies! It's been a year... well, almost.

R became a year older (wiser?) Wednesday, and surprise, surprise, he celebrated the early part of the evening with us. We weren't really in the mood for dinner out as we were getting ready to go to bed early, but R insisted that he take us out. We cruised the length of Ortigas, went around Greenhills, then back to Ortigas and settled on Charlie's Grind and Grill - the new branch at the Ronac Building near Santolan.

I've heard about Charlie's Grill (Kapitolyo) from friends and my sibs, but haven't had the chance to go. I'm really a burger fan and have organized Burger EBs with some of my PEx friends, and had Charlie's on my list for the longest time. So when we passed by the new branch, and R asked if we wanted to eat there, I quickly agreed.

The place was packed and the kids were hungry. A wasn't too excited to be eating at a burger joint.

RL is giddy, while ate is blah!

RL: Smile, Ate! Like this!

RL telling his sis that burgers are yummy.

She's really a rice person and looked for it even when her dad got her Fish and Chips (which came loaded with yummy fries). R and I shared an Angus Burger and Charlie's famous Buffalo Wings. RL was satisfied with his fries.

It was a tense dinner, and A wasn't too happy, really. We had a field trip to Lemery, Batangas the next day, so she was already sleepy and anxious. Plus, she wanted a milkshake and her dad

wasn't too keen on shelling out 150pesos for it. :P

It was a filling dinner though, and the best part was seeing my ex-officemate, C and her hubby K, hehe.

~~~

HAPPY almost 40th, DADDY! We love you and are praying for you. ;)

Today is Big Mouth Burger Festival Day @ Chili's!

so yea, yea, i convinced my foodie buddy and brother, KW, to head to Chili's for lunch. for today only, they are serving their big-mouth signature burgers (original price @ approximately 320+pesos each) at 88+pesos each only. i received a text message from some unknown source (thank you!) this morning, and my tummy decided that it wanted a Chili's burger for lunch and nothing else.

i was wise (nagbuhat ng bangko!). hehe. i called up Chili's Tomas Morato to book a table for 4. :) anyway, KW and i escaped from our staff meeting at 10 minutes to 12noon to rush to Chili's. Jwas "shy" so she didn't come along (syempre, special mention! hmph!), good thing SS came to the office so we took her with us instead. we got to Chili's and there was this loooooonnnngggg line of people waiting for tables. of course, because i had reserved seats earlier, i went to the front of the line to get our table. but the girl says she doesn't have my name on her list. so i asked her to ask her manager. turns out the manager, Alex, has pretty bad handwriting. the girl did get his advisory on the reservation, but thought he wrote "China" instead of Catral. hohum. good thing my mobile number was on the list, so we were able to get our table.

Amy, our server, informed us that the waiting time for burgers was about 30-40 minutes (you should have seen the faces of all those people waiting for their burgers!). we placed an order for 2 Barbecue Ranch Burgers (for KW and SS), 1 Mushroom Swiss (for me) and a Peppercorn Burger-to-go (for R, who earlier gave his regrets because he was on a "diet" but later texted to say he wanted one...). 40 minutes came and went, and still no burgers. after about 40 more minutes (and after getting a Royal Flush on my Video Poker game!!! woohooo!) and a zillion follow-ups, i called Amy and asked about our burgers and she apologized for the delay, but also said she didn't know when they'd be out from the kitchen. so i asked if she could give us chips, and she gladly gave us a complimentary basket of Nachos and Salsa. :) of course, we gobbled up the chips since we were really hungry already. 10 minutes later, i was already calling Manager Alex's attention, because our burgers were already about 2 hours late! which brings me to conclude that i should have called his attention earlier, because 5 minutes after i talked to him (and a free glass of iced tea later), he came out with our burgers! :)

it was a hearty lunch (and a pretty affordable one too), but hopefully they do better next time. i don't mind the wait but because the burgers came out super late and we were already famished, we forgot to take pics of the meal (and remembered to do so right when we were halfway through our burgers, hehe). Alex says this is the first time for them to do this, so they didn't expect the long wait, alhough ok lang because we were served well anyway. :) yum!

ps. we were waiting so long for our burgers that R came over to Chili's to get his take-out right when we were finishing off our fries. :) walang diet-diet, half-pounder ba naman ang itapat sa yo. :) thanks, Chili's. sa uulitin.

...

i found this while cleaning my home pc just now. the nanny is trying to get A to sleep so i have to kill time out here. this is one of the major reasons why i love the hubby. no one else will love the kids more than their real dad. besides, the hubby is a great dad! he is the better parent, hands down. i don't have the heart to take that away.

this is why i will fight for my family.

Haha.

G came over tonight with T. surprise! surprise! he's back from singapore. imagine that. but ha! he's heading back, in two months. says his boss gave him a break to rethink the contract. i doubt his boss wants him to leave, i mean, after all, he quit his job three times already. and yet, he always has this new contract to consider.

how many times did i tell G to tell him to stay? to come back to manila where his heart obviously is? sigh. men! they want something but they are so indecisive. come to think of it, most women are the same. how many times has G expressed her desire to have him back home with the kids? how many times did she cry buckets because she wished he was by her side? sometimes, it's better to act spontaneously. that way, when it happens, it happens. and you have no choice, no chance to take things back. it's 50/50. it's either you regret or you rejoice. but when you linger... when you are trying to decide and you get the chance to weigh your options... ay-yah!

anyway, T tried calling R tonight, while G and i watched the kids run around the driveway. but ha! his phone was off. this time, i wasn't gonna let the devil plant thoughts into my head. nope. no-sir-ree... this time, i will trust God. and let God. i suppose i scored an 8 outta 10 tonight. i still texted my bro-in-law M. see, he called earlier to look for his brother. but i honestly didn't know where he was. in fact, at 9pm, while heading home from galle (yep, all that 3 minutes in the car), i resolved to pretend not to care. resolved to stop checking and calling or texting even (but not totally since i was planning on showering him with my love when he's asleep and snoring, hehe). and then i found out from M that R's mobile was once again off. hohum. so much for trying to act like i didn't care. suddenly, paranoia crept in and i could feel it killing me once more. not again. sigh. i turned on the tv and spent 30 minutes watching entertainment news on 2nd avenue. that's when G and T showed up. ah! distraction! then right when they left, i recalled R calling earlier about his missing charger. ha! he probably just went to dad's place to see if he left his charger there. and so, i couldn't help it. i texted M.

haha! i was right! they're at the wake. he did go to dad's place! and since M was looking for him earlier so R could go with him to paz, that's exactly what happened.

sometimes, you just know... i suppose it's cause you are of one flesh. and it goes for all things. i mean, you're connected, somehow. like me, for instance...i know if R's happy. or if he's planning a surprise. if the pillow he gave you for your anniv came from someone else (read: girl friday). if he's out with his flavor of the bi-week (haha!). if he's hiding the phone because... well, because he's got a lot to hide. hmmm... i just know. haha. yea, whoopie! lucky me. :P