Tactics of a Woman Scorned

I got to talk to a friend who recently found out about an affair her husband has been having for the past 2 years. She is, needless to say, torn. She loves her husband and is a good, good wife. She doesn't understand how this happened. He worshiped her when he was wooing her. And now this.

She is vindictive. Wanting revenge. The girl involved is someone she knows. "She's an acquaintance. We've met before." Apparently at parties hosted by her husband's place of work. She's hurt. "Sagad sa buto, K." And she cannot just sit and wait it out.

Over two weeks ago, she got hold of her husband's mobile phones (3!) and checked out each text. Of course she went crazy! She also commissioned the help of her cousin-in-law, who happens to be an IT expert, and had a personal email hacked. She's gone through home office drawers, cabinets, car glove compartments - just to spy on him. She even went as far as stalking the husband and following him around town (in a friend's vehicle).

When she first came to me, I thought she was going crazy. Then I stopped myself and remembered: This was me, 4 years or so ago.

Yes, I've been there. I've done that. And I understand. Women become helpless in situations such as hers. You feel the need to do something, albeit wrong.

My heart went out to her. It is hard -- her circumstances. You wouldn't know what to say, because to a woman scorned, there is no reasoning, no convincing, no advice. She does what she wants to do. And if that decision brings her to rage, there is nothing much you can say nor do.

So what do you do? What else can you do but pray? Teach her to ask for grace. I remember sitting on the floor of our walk in closet (back at our first home), crying out and asking for comfort and peace. I remember crying my heart out over the phone to one of my bestfriends (at dawn!) as he tried (t'was futile) to calm me down. I was crazy - a near lunatic. Who's to say what I should have done? My marriage was falling apart.

I cannot blame women who panic at the slightest sign of deceit in marriage. I was once there. Panic is actually an understatement to the flurry of emotions one feels when suspecting an affair. My friend couldn't deal with it. This was her way of coping -- panicking and getting angry. Guess what, her husband hated it.

I understand how it is. Believe me, I understand the need for wives (or girlfriends) to do something (anything!) just to get things back to how it was. But woman, you will never win your husband back with sly tactics. You will never convince them that you are their prized possession. You will never convince them to love you more when you remain paranoid, angry and bitter. They will only see the ugly part of it. They will despise you even more. The way to win in this situation is to LET GOD HANDLE IT. There's no other way to come out victorious but to give it all to God.

*Note to self: I should take my own advice. Ha!