#MommaDiaries | WWJD?

RL has been learning about Jesus in his Christian Living class in school. The past two weeks, we've been reading his lessons over and over again. The kids are learning about how Jesus is God's greatest gift to us, and how we can be children of God by following Jesus' example. Today, RL got to apply this lesson. Momma ended up learning from it, too.

I took RL to the office because he was going to get picked up by his bus there today. A had a doctor's appointment so I didn't have time to drop RL off properly, as we were rushing to make it to the clinic on time. What I didn't know was that in the office, Lola B (who has been working for the family business for the past 30 or so years) saw RL and gave him a 500-Peso bill. She loves showering the grandchildren and great grandchildren with gifts, so this wasn't something unexpected. However, because I wasn't in the office, and neither was my dad, RL thought it would be wise to keep the money in his pant pocket.

RL has always been very careful about money.
He was really disappointed today.

Earlier this evening, when he got home from school, he was crying because he lost the money. He was saying he placed it in his bag, and when he got to class, it was no longer there. He couldn't have lost it, because he says he placed it in a small pocket inside a bigger zipped pocket where it would be impossible for it to accidentally fall out. Plus anyone who opens that pocket wouldn't see the bill. Besides, he never opens that part of his bag, because it isn't big enough to hold anything (well, except for a 500-Peso bill). I couldn't console him at first - he was feeling really bad about losing a gift. So I told him that it was just money, and that the person who took it probably needed it. Went on to explain that even if someone stole it, he needed to forgive whoever took the money. And that we should follow Jesus' example on being forgiving - even when people did things to hurt Him. Then we prayed. We asked the Lord to bless whoever took the money, but at the same time convict that person. And we asked God to take care of RL's loss, but also asked Him to teach RL to forgive. God knew exactly what happened and we don't. We didn't really see who took it, but He did. So we asked God to handle it. I then asked God to send his comfort and peace to overwhelm RL (so he'd stop crying).

After he calmed down, we assessed what had happened and how it happened. RL told us that when he was in the school bus, about halfway to school, he took out his handkerchief, and the bill fell to the floor. The bus lady saw him pick the money up from the floor and when he was about to put it back in his pant pocket, she goes "Put it in your bag! Put it in your bag!" And so he did. For all to see. There were only two other people in the bus - another first grader and his nanny. RL says his bag stayed next to him the whole time and no one else touched it. Except when the bus lady took it out of the bus when they got to school. It took a while for RL to get off since he sits inside and the other student and his nanny sit closer to the door. So when he got off, the bus lady handed him his bag, and he pulls it to the waiting area (a classroom) where he sits and waits for class. Bag stays next to him the whole time. Bag also stays next to him the whole time in the classroom. Again, no one touched it. After Music, which is the second subject for Tuesday, he decides to take a peek and finds the bill gone! He searches through his whole bag, but it is no longer there.

When I heard his retelling, I wanted to call the bus operator (a co-parent, who also happens to be a lawyer), and tell him about the incident. I also wanted to text the bus lady, but I decided to call KY first. After discussing the whole situation with her, and hearing my own advice to RL and our prayer in that retelling, I couldn't believe I reacted that way. We agreed that I should pray about it first, and that I shouldn't do anything just yet. Besides, we don't really know who took the money.

As I went back to tutoring RL, he tells me that he now feels better, because we had prayed for comfort.

RL: "Mom, why do we have to pray for those who hurt us? For the bad people?"
K: "Because they probably don't know that what they did was wrong."
RL: "But why?"
K: "I don't know..." 

I pause to think a bit, and my thoughts bring me to R and how much he has hurt us, and yet we choose to pray for him. Still.

K: "Because we can't do anything about it, and we can't control them, so we pray for them."
RL: "You know why, Mom? Because that's what Jesus would do. He prayed for those that hurt him. He loves them even if they sin."

Ok, so I learned something from the little boy.

Today, RL learned a good lesson on following Jesus' example. Momma learned that parenting actually is also about teaching yourself as much as it is about making sure your kids grow up to be good people.


"Train children to live the right way, and when they are old, they will not stray from it." Proverbs 22:6 (NCV)

Thank you, Lord, for today.

Praying for Patience

www.savagechickens.com

What movie was it that had the "God" character saying "...if you pray for patience... God gives you the opportunity to be patient?"

I don't see myself being patient at the moment. Instead, I am finding myself in situations where my patience is being tested - pulled, pushed and squished all together. Argh! Do you know how difficult it is to be in my shoes today? To do things the right and godly way - focusing on God and nothing else? Sure, easy to say, but so, so, soooo hard to do. I am losing patience by the gallon.

So help me, God.

What He Doesn't Know...

You know how they say "What you don't know won't hurt you"? Well, I've been thinking about RL and what he doesn't know.

RL's been obsessed with having a dad lately. And well, the first 3 years of his life, he was okay with not knowing (or actively having) one.

First and only photo of father and son. Until RL turned 3.

Taken early 2012, during one of his visits to Manila. 

When R came home unexpectedly over the Christmas holidays, we were surprised to see how RL took to his dad immediately. He wasn't even shy, nor did he need warming up to R. In fact, he stayed up past 2am to watch his dad unpack. The very next day, he went out to the courtyard and announced proudly to our neighbors how he now has a daddy.

It bites. This innocent, little boy knows nothing of his father's sins.

And I write about this today because RL has been calling his dad a lot, sometimes more than 3x a week. I caught A discouraging the little boy Monday night, "Don't call daddy na, he will not answer" (and there are days when he doesn't, leaving RL calling and calling until I catch him and tell him his dad's probably asleep or busy). But RL is persistent and waits until R picks up, and he rattles off about school and how he wants to go to Jollibee and the palengke, plus all the usual stuff a boy normally tells his dad. I leave the room because I don't want R to think this was my doing. I've actually given up on him. It's true. I hardly ever answer his calls, and if I do, I make sure it's a minute long, tops (don't ask; let's just say this broken heart's tired).

A tells me later that their dad promised he'd be home by end-June. Ah, yes! Another promise waiting to be broken. The last time he spoke to RL about coming home, he did say "next week", which was over two months ago. And the last time I had a decent conversation with him, he mentioned he was busy and had to postpone coming home.

So anyway, here we were with another promise - a promise the little boy is holding on to. He says he's going "driving" with his dad - an activity that thrills him to no end. And yet, it is a promise that holds no promise (do you get what I mean)? It may not happen. Again.

Driving with daddy! The little boy's favorite Father and Son activity!

I am sure you are doing a "tsk, tsk" and are probably thinking - "K naman, you of little faith". Let me say it again. I am tired.

But RL knows nothing. He probably has no concept of time, aside from what happened yesterday and what happens later today and tomorrow. I know he'll most likely forget that his dad gave him a timeline. All he knows is that his dad is coming home, and that he isn't home yet.

So what happens tomorrow when he finally realizes the truth? Or when he finally sees that the basket he's holding is brimming with empty and broken promises?

Sigh.

In other news, A told me the other day that she thinks she doesn't want her Father's Day post published on the blog. I skimmed through her notes and see how she's gone from adoring and very forgiving daughter to an obviously bitter and hurting one. She's eleven now, and I guess it has finally dawned on her. It's funny how a few years back, she had the same unconditional admiration. Her dad was her hero, and like RL, nothing could deter her from feeling anything but adoration for R.

Right now, his dad is his hero.

So tell me, should I intervene? I promised myself once that I will not allow RL to go through what A has gone through. And yet, here we are - at similar crossroads - weighing the consequences.

What RL doesn't know will eventually hurt him. But I don't have the heart to take what little he has of his dad away from him. In the meantime, I guess, we stay still, pray, and wait.

Life Update

I realized I haven't blogged about life for quite a while now. Nothing to it, I've just been really busy trying to make ends meet. Life has actually been good (Praise God!). Work has been good. It's great to see God's Hand on this. Amazing how He's kept us afloat all these years.

The Old has Gone.
The New has Come.

A
My not-so-little girl starts fourth grade on Thursday. A has her old classmate from ABS-CBN in her section this year, so she's pretty excited. I think excited is an understatement. I haven't seen anyone as hyped and psyched about going back to school. Meanwhile, I'm halfway through wrapping her books and labeling her stuff. Thank goodness for the holiday, I get an extra day to work on things at home.

Two Saturdays ago, she went through Victory Weekend and got baptized. I pray she walks passionately with the Lord. My heart can't be any happier to see my kids choose life.

How to Eat a Mango

RL
The baby isn't a baby anymore. Nope. RL speaks in sentences. His words actually surprise me. Although there are times when he prefers to baby talk and pretend to be a baby again, there's no stopping this little boy. He can be very persistent at times. We actually see a lot of his funny side. I've been sharing his funny moments on FB. He can be quite the comedian.

He has this thing for mangoes lately, and eats about 2, sometimes 3 a day. He loves the seeds, so we slice the mangoes in such a way that the cheeks are thin, and the middle part gets all the meat. This has become a dilemma for me, now that summer's over. Can't find nice mangoes anymore. What used to be P20-P30/kilo is now about P60-P70/kilo (plus smaller in size). And they're not as good nor as sweet. I heard from the lady down at the neighborhood fruit store that her mango stock next week will come from Davao, and that they will be more expensive and a tad sour. Man!

I was thinking about letting RL start preschool this year, but decided to homeschool him instead. He just turned three (yes, time flies) anyway, and I want him to enjoy his toddler years. He has mastered his A-B-Cs and can count perfectly from 1 to 10 (and backwards!); he's learning 11 to 20 and can actually do simple addition (well as much as his fingers can help him). Which is pretty good, I think. He knows his colors and knows a ton of words. He loves adjectives and can play synonyms with us in the car. So yea, time flies.

R
The truth is, I haven't kept in touch since he moved back south. It's easier for me and the kids when we're not attached to empty promises and unfulfilled plans. He called me Friday to let me know he was visiting again. I'm not sure what to make of it. But I take everything with a grain of salt - more like keeping the peace for the children's sake. Oh and excuse me, I've heard enough of "it's stupid to stay together for the kids' sake", because girls, we aren't together. We're friends. So live with it. Any step R takes from this point on is his own doing. I haven't done a single thing to influence his decisions. Well, other than praying for him.

Click on Photo!

K
Well, what's up with me? Nothing much, just working my butt off to make living life a little easier. I've taken on more responsibilities as a volunteer in church and I must say, I'm enjoying every bit of it. NappyCakes has taken a back seat for now (I haven't been accepting orders because of work) and I realized I want to stop doing this (well, for now). The stocks are taking up most of my attic space, which I want to convert soon to the kids' playroom. We've started purging and selling some stuff over on Shop From My Closet - mostly baby stuff for now, as I need to find time to sort and take photos. Right now, we're saving up for RL's tuition and maybe a trip to the US with family next year.

Upper Left Clockwise: Katniss in Boot; Hello Mickey!; Eye Love You; A and her Katniss: We're Friends; RL's Baby. 

MICKEY AND KATNISS
Our shih tzu has taken on a new friend. If you follow me on Twitter then you probably already know that my mom's driver gave us this kitten, who A insists on calling Katniss (I blame it on the movie). She's Siamese, I think, and has the loveliest blue eyes. I was told that she's about 3 months old (I haven't gotten her actual birth date from my mom's chauffeur), but yea, she's a keeper, don't you think? My brother's girlfriend had Persian kittens as well, and we were about to adopt another female, but when we tried to introduce her to our home, she cried all night. I don't think she was meant for our family so we decided to give her back. Besides, Katniss is fairly new (she's been here for almost a month now), and I would love for her to enjoy being the center of attention first - which, of course, Mickey objects to. But they're friends and all is well.

Overall, life has been good. Trying, at times, but we're still blessed. The past months have seen healed relationships, new friendships, renewed ties, financial blessings, new work, etc. I can not ask for anything more.

Well, maybe an iPad for the kids. LOL! Uh, Lord?

AB Marriage/ BS Parenting

Do you ever wonder why one would need years of training to become a professional and yet none to be a spouse or parent? I mean, look at doctors, bankers, etc. A doctor takes years of school and training; bankers have at least four; heck, even an office assistant needs at least two years of vocational school to start work! Whereas some couples go into marriage and parenting without relationship and nurturing credentials to their name. So yes, did you ever wonder why?

A lot of marriages today fail because, let's face it, couples rush into it unprepared. Why should one or two pre-wedding seminars suffice? If a spouse's role or a parent's role is most vital in a person's life, then, why, pray tell, do we go into unions as novice and not experts?

I should know as I rushed into marriage as well - unprepared for what was to be my role for the rest of my life. I remember when, after R and I started having problems (the bigger ones that count), my friend F told me about how we should seek counseling or attend family seminars to save our marriage. I had pushed the idea aside, thinking I knew better, when really, I knew nothing about saving marriages and keeping my family intact.

R and I have been 'physically' separated for about 2+ years now. Nothing could have prepared us (kids included) for what was to come after he left. Communication was hard (we always ended up on each other's nerves) and visits were nil (especially when he moved South). And I suppose, the hardest thing for a parent was to explain the situation to the kids (more for A, but RL has been asking more about his dad lately). If I was unprepared to be a mom, how much more a single mom! I needed help. I sought the advice of friends and family, and although I appreciate their opinion and take on my situation, most didn't know exactly what I had to go through (as most, in fact, none of them knew how it was to be separated - I am blessed with friends in healthy, godly marriages, ha!).

If parenting is hard for couples, what more for those who have to tackle being BOTH mom AND dad alone? Single parenting is tough. Having a family is no joke. It is the basic unit that affects every individual. I want to be the best parent I can be to my kids, but really, I can only do so with God's grace. I don't even know how and where to start! So I reiterate, why do we go into starting a family unequipped?

Apparently, I am not alone in this thought. Last year, three friends saw the need to help couples prepare themselves for marriage and parenting. They got together to organize what is to be the first-ever FAMILY CONGRESS in the Philippines, happening on August 25, 2012.

Meet Maribel Dionisio, Rowie Matti and Fides Reyes - the organizers behind this big event. I got the privilege of meeting the three ladies during a parenting talk a few Saturdays ago. Maribel Dionisio co-organized the 1st Ateneo Family Congress in 2005. The desire to educate couples and parents spurred her desire to put up FAMILY CONGRESS 2012 - BFF: BUILDING THE FILIPINO FAMILY. With the help of organizing expert, Fides Reyes (F.I.D. Event Services) and educator, Rowie Matti (Galileo Enrichment Learning Program), Maribel hopes to help educate Filipino families about relationships and love.

The Family behind FAMILY CONGRESS 2012!
Clockwise from Top:  Maribel S. Dionisio, Ma. Rowena J. Matti and Fides M. Reyes

FAMILY CONGRESS 2012 aims to provide a venue for learning by gathering the best experts in the field of psychology, parenting, and relationship to share their knowledge to family members, educators and organizations in the most effective and simplest way.

Check out the line up of talks, speakers and activities during this whole-day affair:

AM Sessions:
* Migrating and Managing the Digital World by Queena Lee-Chua, Ph.D.
* Handling the Bully and the Bullied by Honey Carandang, Ph.D.
* Built for Forever: Preparing Singles for a Lifetime Relationship by Rissa Singson-Kawpeng
* Teen Talk about Love, Sex, and Dating by Dan and Nabelle Caballes
* From Wellness to Wholeness (for adults 21 & up) by Harriet Hormillosa, M.A.   
PM Sessions:
* Being Friends Forever in Marriage: Learning the Art of Fighting by Allan Dionisio, M.D. and Maribel Dionisio, M.A.
* Teaching Parents to Talk to Kids & Teens about Crushes, Sex & Relationship by Michelle Alignay. M.A. and Aiza Tabayoyong
* Managing Teen Emotions by Obet Cabrillas
* Career, Relationship, and Life Plan for Singles by Pia Nazareno-Acevedo 
* Beyond the Tears: Griefwork by Cathy Babao-Guballa

All registered participants get to choose one session in the morning, and another in the afternoon. Aside from these 2 sessions, guests will also get to hear inspirational messages from Archbishop Luis Antonio Tagle and motivational speaker, Francis Kong!

How I wish they started having this 10 years ago! But then, it's never too late to learn the ropes on how to nourish a lifetime commitment. At least now, I know better.

FAMILY CONGRESS 2012 - BFF: BUILDING THE FILIPINO FAMILY will be held on August 25, 2012, from 8AM to 5PM, at the Valle Verde Country Club, Pasig City. It is presented by The Love Institute, in partnership with Galileo Enrichment Learning Program and F.I.D. Event Services.

Early Bird Rate I (register on or before April 30): P1300
Early Bird Rate II (register between May 1 to June 30): P1400
Regular Rate: P1500 per attendee
Promo Rate: 6+1! (Pay for 6, get 1 FREE, based on regular rate of P1500 each)

Registration fee is inclusive of seminar fee, meals an loads of swag!

For more information on FAMILY CONGRESS 2012, call the following numbers:
(02) 579-0100
(0917) 897-2903
(0922) 252-1896

Email: familycongress@gmail.com
Twitter: @FamCong2012
Facebook: /FamilyCongress

Old Dogs

Change is a decision one must make for himself. You can't change old dogs nor teach them new tricks. That dog must be willing to make the change for his own good. If it is hard to train puppies and see young dogs make that decision to improve themselves, it must be harder for those that are too old to break bad habits.

But God is bigger than all that. Am I too old a dog to trust that He can move mountains - even old ones that refuse to budge?

"With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.” Matthew 19:26 (NIV)

Shhhhh...

The kids are FINALLY asleep. A first in many months to get them down by 10pm. Not an easy feat, I tell ya. My little boy normally stays up with me 'til the wee hours of the morning.

But not tonight. We don't want a repeat of what happened this morning. We were supposed to wake up early but lo and behold, momma slept ON the phone and missed SimSimi's Chicken Alarm. *facepalm* Well that's what you get for working all day AND night AND sleeping at 6am. Oh well.

So tonight we're sleeping early and making sure we get ourselves to S&R right when the gates open. Haha! Ready ka na ba, JM-T et Doraemon (special mention kayo kasi boyscout si J e... LOL!)?


~~~


Wanna know what's happening at S&R tomorrow? Click here. 

Unoffendable

Today I am trying to be more unoffendable. It is a choice I choose to make. Similar to the choice one makes when he chooses to live the Christian life.  It is no easy task. You can either be a Christian by name, OR walk the talk.

Yesterday, as I drove home with A (we had two events in the Makati area), I received a text from R (he flew back last week). He asked if we could pick him up from the gym, and although we had originally planned to pass by a supplier's store to pick up some stuff, A was asleep so I agreed to swing by for him. Turns out he needed to go somewhere North. I asked him to drive instead. A and I were really tired and I wanted to go home to RL, but I chose not to say anything.

When we got to the Scout Area, R asked to be dropped off somewhere. So really, he just needed a free ride. He didn't even ride home with us. Technically, we were off the route by about 6 kilometers. I wanted to say what was on my mind but decided to just hold my tongue.  

Earlier yesterday, as I drove from one event to the other, I volunteered to shuttle some Blogger friends to and fro. And I did that with pleasure because I wanted to help my friends out. It shouldn't be any different with R - even if it seemed out of place. I mean, it shouldn't even reach the WWJD question. I should have felt the same pleasure I did when I helped my friends earlier. Which, honestly speaking, I didn't. 

Lord, I need to be more unoffendable. Especially with those that require Your Extra Grace.

Struggling with Forgiveness.

It is almost 6pm, and I have been trying to finish the business plan for a principal all day. But my mind is elsewhere. I hate it when this happens.

As I've mentioned yesterday, there are a zillion things going on, and my mind is spinning with thoughts of what-ifs. Yes, this is not me. I am more on acting on my troubles. I don't sit quietly and wait. But God is telling me to wait. Sadly, my tongue is faster than a speeding bullet (SuperTongue!). Nyar.

So today, I sit here struggling. How can I wait on the Lord when my insides are screaming and my head feels like it is about to explode? Grabe - that is all i can say right now. For 6 years, I have been faced with similar troubles, and with each pain, I struggled with forgiveness. Pastor D, when talking about forgiveness two Sunday services ago, pointed out that when one forgives, he or she must learn not to be historical. Forgiveness entails forgetting it ever happened. Heck, I don't even know where and how to begin. The first time I ever had to deal with anything, I struggled with the thought for two whole years. And I only started to forget about the pain that incident caused me because it was replaced by something even bigger! I'm sorry, Pastor D, but when you mentioned it in your message, I wanted to raise my hand and say "but wives are only historical when history repeats itself!"

And you know what, each time I am faced with a new, yet similar situation, I am reminded of each situation in the past. How, oh how, in the world will I act, think and speak as if it never happened? When I attended Tita T's wake back in November, I met up with L who asked about R. R was still in the US that time. I told her about how I know the devil will not sit on this opportunity to attack our family (as he's done so several times in the past) and that I know all I can really do is pray. She reminded me about my prayer several years ago when I decided to change my perspective on R's life - pray for a forgiving heart.

And since then, I've been asking the Lord for just that... for the grace to show him unconditional and agape love - one that surpasses all understanding. But there are times when I sit there thinking about all that he has done and I find myself with no more love and forgiveness to give. :( But amidst all the anger and pain, I cannot find it in my heart to seek revenge. I have been accused of many, many things. I have been accused of destroying his reputation, of telling my daughter that she has a bad father, of creating Friendster accounts to malign him, of texting his friends about his evil ways, etc. Yes, many things. But you, reader of my blog, know very well how much I love him, how I'd fight for my family, and even how I admit my husband is the better parent! How can someone seeking to protect her family, destroy it by planting evil into it's very core?

I've learned a great deal of things this week - issues I cannot seem to let go of. It has shattered my impression of R and a number of people he's dealt with in the past and present. I cannot even begin to understand why. And it hasn't all sunk in. But my insides are screaming. And screaming. And screaming. Yes, I am struggling with forgiveness. This time, it is doubly hard. For the past two days, I've tried avoiding him. I've stopped talking to him, hugging him, calling him, etc - even when God has prodded me to show him unconditional love.

You know how your kids disobey and yet, even when you want to get mad for the rest of your life, you just can't? Well, it's the same with R. I just can't. I now see him through my Father's eyes... Okay, I am trying to see him that way. I know I have to forgive him and I do. But I can't say I completely have, because I am still struggling with the thought of it all. No, I don't know where to begin. So i read through my blogs, and I read through the emails I sent him when he was in the US. Because i needed to re-learn how to let go and let God.

So the other night, I listed down Ways on How to Wait Patiently on the Lord. I came up with twelve.

1. BE QUIET AND GENTLE. (1 Peter 3:1-4) *struggle* I can't even hold my tongue! Today, as he left for the gym, I kept muttering "Ang kapal nya a! Grabe! Grabe!"

2. DEFEAT THE DEVIL BY PRAISING GOD IN ALL THINGS - IN ALL SITUATIONS. My father once told me that the devil wants to see if we will still cleave to the Lord even when our situations seem bleak. So you defeat the devil by praising God in spite of your situation.

3. RESIST THE TEMPTATION TO NAG, LECTURE, TALK ABOUT PAST HURTS, ETC. *struggle* Like I said, I am not only historical when history repeats itself. Sometimes, I even get hysterical. :P

4. PRAY! (James 5:16) Need I tell you how prayer can move mountains? Also, the other night I realized that each time I prayed, I prayed about R. I realized that my prayer time became all about R and no longer about God and me. The events in my life are also about my relationship with the Lord, so I quickly had to acknowledge that and changed the contents of my prayers.

5. KNOW THAT GOD IS AT WORK EVEN WHEN WE DO NOT SEE IT. Funny thing happened a few weeks ago. I was struggling with a revelation (something I've been praying for for weeks but have not seen results to) so I confronted R about it only to find out that God has already taken care of the situation. Napahiya tuloy ako.

6. READ THE BIBLE AND EQUIP SELF WITH THE POWER OF GOD'S WORD. PUT ON THE ARMOR OF GOD. (Deuteronomy 17:19) See, I even found a verse to go with this. Thanks to my daily quiet time, hehe.

7. LOVE UNCONDITIONALLY. SHOW GOD'S AGAPE LOVE. (Romans 5:8) I was just telling S on Wednesday night... "God forgives us each time we fall short, I want to do the same thing for R." Amazing love.

8. FORGIVE. 24/7. Yea, yea... the non-historical, non-hysterical kind.

9. WWJD. ALWAYS THINK ABOUT WHAT JESUS WILL DO IN THE SAME SITUATION... THEN DO THAT.

10. TRUST IN GOD AND SEE THAT VICTORY IS NEAR! Back in 2004, when R and I started having difficulties, I'd stand on our balcony and swear on giving up. But fancy how Cityland Mega Plaza would always be in view, with Cityland's signature "IN GOD WE TRUST" motto shouting reminders at me - telling me to put my trust in God, not in men.

11. DO NOT TAKE THINGS INTO YOUR OWN HANDS. THE LORD IS AT WORK. *struggle* Like I said, I am not the type who'd sit around and mope. I want action. In fact, if I didn't want to do things God's way right now, I'd call someone right now to give her a good piece of my mind. Ha! But God is steering my ship.

12. DON'T LOSE COURAGE OR BE AFRAID. THE LORD IS FIGHTING FOR YOU! (Deuteronomy 20:3-4) Yes, with God as Commander-in-Chief, great is the army fighting for me!

I've often wondered why I have to go through so many troubles. The answer came a few months ago when a friend started going through similar pain. Then a few weeks ago, I got a message from an old acquaintance asking for counselling on her marriage. God is using me to reach out to others and to show them His love. I am comforted by this and even encouraged to know that others are looking to me for strength and answers.

Yes, yes... amazing grace and comfort has come my way - enough to sustain me and give strength enough for each day. I am not Wonderwoman or Supergirl, and I am still struggling with my own pain and how to truly forgive, but the decision to stay and wait on the Lord is FINAL. I will not give up. When any outsider sees how evil has taken over and how ugly this whole thing has become, they'd easily push for divorce or separation. But God is very clear (yes, S, he is!) when He says He HATES divorce. I will do this for God. So in my struggle, let Him be glorified. In my pain, let the devil be defeated with praise. J was right when she told S that I wasn't expecting my rewards on earth. I just want my family to experience God's limitless, unconditional love. That is the legacy I want to leave behind. That is the legacy I choose to leave behind. I am being pruned by the Lord, but at least I will learn the lesson of forgiveness well.

2 Corinthians 1:3-4
Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. God is the Father who is full of mercy and all comfort. He comforts us every time we have trouble, so when others have trouble, we can comfort them with the same comfort God gives us.