#MommaDiaries | FATHER'S DAY (Part One)

And just like that, Father's Day came and went. This year, the kids went about the day without much reference to their absentee father. And although we were pretty busy that day with family activities plus a BentoMommas workshop at Rustan's, I must admit I didn't encourage any form of reaching out. I mean, we've done all the reaching out in the past. Now if this man truly wanted to spend time with his kids on the day fathers are celebrated, his efforts would go beyond that one missed call.

I can hear my MIL telling me "Ikaw naman, pakipot ka pa. Tumawag naman pala, di mo lang sinagot." But see, I've gone through this several times in the past. He'd call. I'd answer. He'd promise. We'd believe. He'd show up late. He'd fall short (insert all other disappointments here). We'd compromise. He'd go home. And then silence. Nothing. No calls. No text messages. Repeat cycle after two weeks or whenever he feels like it.

After going through the same cycle for the past 6 years, A is finally fed up. She doesn't even think of sending her dad a greeting. When he sent the usual "balita?" text Saturday night, she replied with a spam text she copied from a spam message we received earlier that day. "He keeps sending us the same one-liner, it's irritating. Doesn't he have anything else to say?" Yup, you can't fool a teenager. My 13-year-old knows better.

RL, on the other hand, still doesn't know what he's missing. Or maybe... he just doesn't miss anything at all. At Kid's Church, the kids were tasked to make a Father's Day card. I have often wondered what RL would do if he came across a situation where he would be asked about his dad or anything of the sort. After church, he came bouncing happily with a card addressed to "Angkong" (grandfather in Fookien/ Chinese). He proudly showed me that he even signed it from "K, A and RL."

That evening, on the way home from Rustan's, I waited if one of them would ask to call their dad to greet him. One block away from the house, I finally asked in case they were waiting on my go signal. But RL was quick to answer with "No. I already greeted Angkong a 'Happy Father's Day'. I also greeted Jesus. Because today, He is my daddy, because He is the One taking care of me."

"A Father to the Fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in His holy dwelling." Psalm 68:5 NIV 

What He Doesn't Know...

You know how they say "What you don't know won't hurt you"? Well, I've been thinking about RL and what he doesn't know.

RL's been obsessed with having a dad lately. And well, the first 3 years of his life, he was okay with not knowing (or actively having) one.

First and only photo of father and son. Until RL turned 3.

Taken early 2012, during one of his visits to Manila. 

When R came home unexpectedly over the Christmas holidays, we were surprised to see how RL took to his dad immediately. He wasn't even shy, nor did he need warming up to R. In fact, he stayed up past 2am to watch his dad unpack. The very next day, he went out to the courtyard and announced proudly to our neighbors how he now has a daddy.

It bites. This innocent, little boy knows nothing of his father's sins.

And I write about this today because RL has been calling his dad a lot, sometimes more than 3x a week. I caught A discouraging the little boy Monday night, "Don't call daddy na, he will not answer" (and there are days when he doesn't, leaving RL calling and calling until I catch him and tell him his dad's probably asleep or busy). But RL is persistent and waits until R picks up, and he rattles off about school and how he wants to go to Jollibee and the palengke, plus all the usual stuff a boy normally tells his dad. I leave the room because I don't want R to think this was my doing. I've actually given up on him. It's true. I hardly ever answer his calls, and if I do, I make sure it's a minute long, tops (don't ask; let's just say this broken heart's tired).

A tells me later that their dad promised he'd be home by end-June. Ah, yes! Another promise waiting to be broken. The last time he spoke to RL about coming home, he did say "next week", which was over two months ago. And the last time I had a decent conversation with him, he mentioned he was busy and had to postpone coming home.

So anyway, here we were with another promise - a promise the little boy is holding on to. He says he's going "driving" with his dad - an activity that thrills him to no end. And yet, it is a promise that holds no promise (do you get what I mean)? It may not happen. Again.

Driving with daddy! The little boy's favorite Father and Son activity!

I am sure you are doing a "tsk, tsk" and are probably thinking - "K naman, you of little faith". Let me say it again. I am tired.

But RL knows nothing. He probably has no concept of time, aside from what happened yesterday and what happens later today and tomorrow. I know he'll most likely forget that his dad gave him a timeline. All he knows is that his dad is coming home, and that he isn't home yet.

So what happens tomorrow when he finally realizes the truth? Or when he finally sees that the basket he's holding is brimming with empty and broken promises?

Sigh.

In other news, A told me the other day that she thinks she doesn't want her Father's Day post published on the blog. I skimmed through her notes and see how she's gone from adoring and very forgiving daughter to an obviously bitter and hurting one. She's eleven now, and I guess it has finally dawned on her. It's funny how a few years back, she had the same unconditional admiration. Her dad was her hero, and like RL, nothing could deter her from feeling anything but adoration for R.

Right now, his dad is his hero.

So tell me, should I intervene? I promised myself once that I will not allow RL to go through what A has gone through. And yet, here we are - at similar crossroads - weighing the consequences.

What RL doesn't know will eventually hurt him. But I don't have the heart to take what little he has of his dad away from him. In the meantime, I guess, we stay still, pray, and wait.