#MommaDiaries | FATHER'S DAY (Part One)

And just like that, Father's Day came and went. This year, the kids went about the day without much reference to their absentee father. And although we were pretty busy that day with family activities plus a BentoMommas workshop at Rustan's, I must admit I didn't encourage any form of reaching out. I mean, we've done all the reaching out in the past. Now if this man truly wanted to spend time with his kids on the day fathers are celebrated, his efforts would go beyond that one missed call.

I can hear my MIL telling me "Ikaw naman, pakipot ka pa. Tumawag naman pala, di mo lang sinagot." But see, I've gone through this several times in the past. He'd call. I'd answer. He'd promise. We'd believe. He'd show up late. He'd fall short (insert all other disappointments here). We'd compromise. He'd go home. And then silence. Nothing. No calls. No text messages. Repeat cycle after two weeks or whenever he feels like it.

After going through the same cycle for the past 6 years, A is finally fed up. She doesn't even think of sending her dad a greeting. When he sent the usual "balita?" text Saturday night, she replied with a spam text she copied from a spam message we received earlier that day. "He keeps sending us the same one-liner, it's irritating. Doesn't he have anything else to say?" Yup, you can't fool a teenager. My 13-year-old knows better.

RL, on the other hand, still doesn't know what he's missing. Or maybe... he just doesn't miss anything at all. At Kid's Church, the kids were tasked to make a Father's Day card. I have often wondered what RL would do if he came across a situation where he would be asked about his dad or anything of the sort. After church, he came bouncing happily with a card addressed to "Angkong" (grandfather in Fookien/ Chinese). He proudly showed me that he even signed it from "K, A and RL."

That evening, on the way home from Rustan's, I waited if one of them would ask to call their dad to greet him. One block away from the house, I finally asked in case they were waiting on my go signal. But RL was quick to answer with "No. I already greeted Angkong a 'Happy Father's Day'. I also greeted Jesus. Because today, He is my daddy, because He is the One taking care of me."

"A Father to the Fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in His holy dwelling." Psalm 68:5 NIV 

What He Doesn't Know...

You know how they say "What you don't know won't hurt you"? Well, I've been thinking about RL and what he doesn't know.

RL's been obsessed with having a dad lately. And well, the first 3 years of his life, he was okay with not knowing (or actively having) one.

First and only photo of father and son. Until RL turned 3.

Taken early 2012, during one of his visits to Manila. 

When R came home unexpectedly over the Christmas holidays, we were surprised to see how RL took to his dad immediately. He wasn't even shy, nor did he need warming up to R. In fact, he stayed up past 2am to watch his dad unpack. The very next day, he went out to the courtyard and announced proudly to our neighbors how he now has a daddy.

It bites. This innocent, little boy knows nothing of his father's sins.

And I write about this today because RL has been calling his dad a lot, sometimes more than 3x a week. I caught A discouraging the little boy Monday night, "Don't call daddy na, he will not answer" (and there are days when he doesn't, leaving RL calling and calling until I catch him and tell him his dad's probably asleep or busy). But RL is persistent and waits until R picks up, and he rattles off about school and how he wants to go to Jollibee and the palengke, plus all the usual stuff a boy normally tells his dad. I leave the room because I don't want R to think this was my doing. I've actually given up on him. It's true. I hardly ever answer his calls, and if I do, I make sure it's a minute long, tops (don't ask; let's just say this broken heart's tired).

A tells me later that their dad promised he'd be home by end-June. Ah, yes! Another promise waiting to be broken. The last time he spoke to RL about coming home, he did say "next week", which was over two months ago. And the last time I had a decent conversation with him, he mentioned he was busy and had to postpone coming home.

So anyway, here we were with another promise - a promise the little boy is holding on to. He says he's going "driving" with his dad - an activity that thrills him to no end. And yet, it is a promise that holds no promise (do you get what I mean)? It may not happen. Again.

Driving with daddy! The little boy's favorite Father and Son activity!

I am sure you are doing a "tsk, tsk" and are probably thinking - "K naman, you of little faith". Let me say it again. I am tired.

But RL knows nothing. He probably has no concept of time, aside from what happened yesterday and what happens later today and tomorrow. I know he'll most likely forget that his dad gave him a timeline. All he knows is that his dad is coming home, and that he isn't home yet.

So what happens tomorrow when he finally realizes the truth? Or when he finally sees that the basket he's holding is brimming with empty and broken promises?

Sigh.

In other news, A told me the other day that she thinks she doesn't want her Father's Day post published on the blog. I skimmed through her notes and see how she's gone from adoring and very forgiving daughter to an obviously bitter and hurting one. She's eleven now, and I guess it has finally dawned on her. It's funny how a few years back, she had the same unconditional admiration. Her dad was her hero, and like RL, nothing could deter her from feeling anything but adoration for R.

Right now, his dad is his hero.

So tell me, should I intervene? I promised myself once that I will not allow RL to go through what A has gone through. And yet, here we are - at similar crossroads - weighing the consequences.

What RL doesn't know will eventually hurt him. But I don't have the heart to take what little he has of his dad away from him. In the meantime, I guess, we stay still, pray, and wait.

Honoring Dad

Today is Father's Day. 

Yesterday, while checking on my plants, my neighbor CC gave me a "Happy Father's Day" greeting. I never really discuss my personal life with my neighbors, but yes, of course they know I am both mom AND dad to my kids. They haven't seen R around, after all. Besides, the fact that R and I aren't together isn't really much of a secret - not to my neighbors, friends, relatives... (the whole world, maybe?).

The greeting did catch my attention and got me thinking about my situation. If it is difficult for me to tackle parenting alone, it must be equally, if not more, difficult for others. I am blessed to have a support system - people who stand by me to help with parenting, advice, etc. I am also blessed to have men stand in as father figures to my kids.

Today, I want to take this opportunity to thank and honor all of these men who have been like fathers to my children.

TO MY FATHER IN HEAVEN
Lord, You are the best Father anyone could ever have. I thank You for providing for all our needs. For never failing to be there for us through thick and thin. You have been so good to us. Truly, only You could fill the void in our hearts and You fill it to the brim! Thank You for being Father, when earthly fathers fail to be present. You love us unconditionally and You keep my kids under Your wing - the best place to be! I love You, Lord! Happy Father's Day!

TO MY DAD
When I was in the US for 12th Grade, I was asked by Mrs. Stetkevich to write down the names of the 3 people I look up to the most. On that workbook, I wrote your name first. I know I don't say it much, but I love you, Dad. I know you care about me, and I will never forget those times when you prayed for me, defended me, stood up for me, and taught me about God. I want you to know how much I appreciate how you sent KY to school, how you provided for all her needs - even when you didn't have to. You have always loved my kids! And although sometimes, I wish I was Daddy's Little Girl again, I am blessed that you chose my kids to take my place! You will always be my first love. Happy Father's Day, Daddy!

TO MY BROTHER, KM
You have been like an older brother to me. LOL! Yes, even if I am really older by a few years. My kids are blessed to have you in their life. You pamper them and buy them toys (the expensive ones! Haha!) and you don't count them as owed favors (best thing about you! and me, hahaha!). You bought A her first iTouch, and gave RL his first pair of Nikes! You don't know how much I appreciate that. And appreciate YOU. You travel and get them the most expensive toy on their shopping list. Please don't change. LOL. Thank you for doting on them like they were your own. I promise to shower your future kids with equal love (and toys!). I will be the best aunt ever! Thank you for being there for A. You are her favorite uncle. And thank you for being there for RL, you are not his favorite uncle. LOL! Happy Father's Day, 'Hia!

TO MY BROTHER, KA
Thank you for teaching A how to ride a bike. Happy Father's Day!

LOL! Seriously, remember how I taught you how to read, did all your homework and data files, made all your projects, wrote all your book reports, etc. etc. And you pay me back by being the stingiest uncle ever! Bwahaha! I love you, my baby brother! I can't believe you're all grown up! Where's my baby kendoo, kendoo (wakey, wakey!)? Hahaha! Did I ever tell you how A takes after you? She is (in her own words) "laway-sensitive". Hahaha! And how weird is it that RL looks like he's your kid and not mine? No wonder you're his favorite uncle! When he grows up, he says he wants to be exactly like you. It's a blessing that he has you to look up to. Thank you for making him your favorite nephew - for always looking for him first thing when you visit us (or visit me in the office), for taking care of him when we're out, for carrying him so I can eat meals, for always asking to spend time with him. You make up for a lot of things he doesn't know he's missed. For that, I will always be grateful. You are a blessing. Happy Father's Day!

TO MY KIDS' GODFATHERS
Ninongs, I've been wanting to thank you for taking time out to spend time with my kids. Special shout-outs go to Ninong B, Ninong T, Ninong Blue and to my BIL, Ninong M. Ninong B, I have yet to thank you for being there for A, especially during the first few years of her life. How you took time to help me with A's first birthday party, when really, you didn't have to. You went out of your way to do so. Thanks! Ninong T, I am thankful that you agreed to be RL's godfather. It's heartwarming to see how you've grown to be more my friend than R's and how our families have become close through the years. You and G have been true friends to me, and I can see how much you truly love and care for my family. Thank you for being there for RL (and A). I didn't make a mistake in choosing you. You are a great father, and RL is blessed to have you in his life. Ninong Blue, you took my invitation to be godfather to RL so seriously from the start. I can see why your family is hesitant to see you get married. You dote on those you love. Thank you for always taking time out to be with us. I know I've said this before, but my whole family loves you! You have been very kind, and you really go out of your way to show how much you care. Thank you for taking RL shopping at Toys R Us, even when you didn't have to, really. I am happy to have chosen you, and although we only see each other once in a blue moon, I know you will always be there. Thanks! And finally, to my brother-in-law, M, you may not know it, but there are memories and words that I will always treasure in my heart. Thank you for giving A the TV we now have in our living room. ;) For taking on responsibilities that aren't yours in the first place (but you take them on anyway because of your giving heart). I pray you find someone who will truly love you unconditionally. You are a good man. Thank you for being a blessing. Happy Father's Day, Ninongs!

TO PASTOR LARRY
If there is one thing I will never forget, it is this: A excitedly telling me how you took her out for frozen yogurt after KC. This was the seed that started it all, and because of your kindness, she now finds it easier to trust others. I know you've been told this many, many times, but you are a great dad. Your sons and daughter are blessed to have you. Y is blessed to have you as her partner in life. If there is someone my kids can look up to and for RL to emulate, it is you. Thank you for truly caring for them, for giving RL high-fives in church, for lifting both A and RL up in prayer, for never hesitating when led to bless, pray, lift, praise, encourage, rebuke, etc. My kids are blessed to have you as their pastor, and I am blessed to have you as a friend. Thank you for always being there. Happy Father's Day!

TO OUR NEIGHBOR, DOC
Before we moved to this home, RL never really grasped the concept of having a dad around. He was too young when my husband and I separated. So when once, he told me how he wanted to have a dad because your daughter had you, it broke my heart. But you would play ball with my son, and invite him into your home without second thoughts. And it was the fact that he finally knew what having a dad meant that prodded him to accept his own dad in his life. It was the fact that you were in your daughter's life that made him want to spend time with his father. He didn't even hesitate because he knew it was a natural thing - to actually have a dad. Thank you for being a great dad to your daughter and a great husband to CC. My kids now have a picture of a loving, caring, beautiful family because of you guys.

AND TO ALL THE DADS, UNCLES, GRANDDADS, GODFATHERS, AND SINGLE MOMS TAKING ON DADDY ROLES... HAPPY FATHER'S DAY! YOU ARE BLESSED!