I wrote a lengthy piece on my iTouch this afternoon, but decided not to use it. My head is swirling with thoughts and my heart, crushed.
Because of a comment on a previous post, I decided to have a talk with my daughter A. Not that this hasn’t been a topic of past conversations, but just the same, I had THAT talk again. Needless to say, the talk got her upset. She understands our situation completely, and has been trying to be strong, but yea, she cried. I couldn’t help but cry with her, because I know she’s been bottling it up. She knows her dad isn’t coming back, but she hopes someday he will think of her, miss her, and come back. :( It’s not that we have been downplaying the situation for her or RL, it is more like A has always been daddy’s little girl. (R didn’t have a job during the earlier parts of our marriage, and had the opportunity to stay home with his daughter most of the time. She was spoiled to the T. He adored her.) Today’s situation is different from what she is used to. And although it has been almost 2 years since R and I parted ways, I cannot find it in my heart to tell my daughter to stop hoping – to stop praying that one day, things will be ok.
If you are a regular reader of this blog, you’d know that A is most affected by this whole situation. And RL? Well, he just doesn’t know what he is missing, so he is fine and dandy. I don’t know how it will be in the future for him, but I am hoping for the best. He has father figures to emulate, not at home, but men who play active roles in his life. I sure thank God for that.
I know that to you, it may seem I am not doing things right. But tell me; is there a better way to play things out? It is not easy being in my shoes. Sigh. It isn’t easy at all.
God has been so good to u. U have two wonderful kids, a nice job etc etc but same cycle ung blog mo....happy kau for awhile then biglang sad kau because of ur "evil husband" (sorry for the term ha.if ako ung wife at makaladkad sa ganung kahihiyan ung name ko on national news eh bubuhusan ko ng kumukulong tubig ung husband ko while he is sleeping! its soooo wrong!) tell him not to come home anymore at erase na sya sa life nyo! tell A wala na ung daddy nya at magsisimula kau ng new life together without him. hindi tama na nasasaktan ng ganun pati ung bata. Nakikita nya kse na ikaw eh u r still hoping kaya si A eh ganun rin and ang ending dalawa kaung nasasaktan! Let go please! God is good! Hindi nya intention na ibigay sau ung cross na yan forever...it was just ur choice to carry that cross! Tama na...its time to start healing kse lumalaki na ung daughter mo. pag ganyan ng ganyan she will always feel the void. its time to fill that void. start by erasing the cause.
ReplyDeleteI hope sa mga next day eh story na ng healing and starting of a new life mabasa ko here.
My pain doesn't come from my feelings towards my husband. My hope is a commitment to God, and it has nothing to do with wanting my husband to love me, or wanting my husband to come back. If you really read my blog, you know that I have made peace with my situation - and whatever bitterness I held in my heart has been covered by Grace. My quest to hope isn't all about getting my marriage fixed. It is more on praying that one day, he will be saved. Yes, even if I do not get to see that day. I pray for restoration only because I KNOW my God is the God of the impossible.
ReplyDeleteThe purpose of this post is to air out my pain on helping a child let go. Don't you see? If it was difficult for me, it is so much more difficult for her.
It is so easy to tell us what to do, because you aren't in my shoes, dealing with my daughter's pain. And for your information, my husband has no home to come home to; he doesn't even know where we live.
well, i dont think she meant that she wanted him to come home or she was hoping na she'll have a relationship with him. I don't think you understand. We live in the real world where u cannot 'kill off' and pretend that people don't exist. The fact is he is their FATHER. Baliktarin man ang mundo sya PARIN ang gumawa ng mga bata and u cannot deny it. It is his RESPONSIBILITY to MAN UP. Nobody's asking him to come home. dyos me...kahit sa gubat, bukid or bundok sya tumira nobody gives a SHIT, basta gawin nya ang tama at maging tatay sya . It is something the kids have to face and sweeping it under the rug will just make them bitter and confused.It is always better no matter how hard it is...kahit magiyakan pa kayo...to talk to kids about the reality of your family. kids are smart. u cant just say "ok kids...kalimutan na si dad. tarantado eh...walang hiya..." tatay nila yon.ang dali magsalita ah...kung ako yan bubuhusan ko ng kumukulong tubig.well, i know youre gonna say this is a public blog and comments of any sort are ok and i agree. thats your opinion. my opinion is that your opinion is all twisted and frankly hindi maganda pakinggan. We want to live in a civilized world where hindi makikita ng mga bata nagbubuhusan tayo ng boiling water. her desire is for him to man up and face his OBLIGATION.she doesnt want his ass anymore...youre getting it all wrong that this is about wanting him back.excuse me..just coz he cheated doesnt mean off the hook na sya.
ReplyDeleteHi again,
ReplyDeleteI commented on your previous post. I'm the one who had a palitaw dad as well.
Someday your daughter will learn to accept the situation. Just be honest with her. It is not your place to quash any hopes she may have of having a healthy relationship with her dad. She will realize that herself. Maybe her dad will man up or maybe she will transcend her longing for a deadbeat dad.
I think what's important is that you are giving her a lot of love and support. And I cannot stress enough the importance of honesty on your part. She needs to be able to trust you especially since her other parent cannot be trusted.
Like I said, kids are resilient. With your love and support, she may actually come out a better, stronger and wiser person because you seem to model that so well.
Good luck and hope your daughter finds her peace. :)
This too shall pass. It's a long road, so to speak. Ganyan din situation ng pamangkin ko. 3 years na separated parents nya. Pareho may kanya kanya na mga "asawa" and my niece still hopes one day magkakabalikan pa din parents nya. Your daughter is sooo lucky, matino ang mother nya. My niece's mom is nagwawala hahaha
ReplyDeleteYour daughter is in a much better position, Kay. Be strong.
Girlash
now where did it say in your post or previous posts, kay that you are still pining for your already gone hubby? where did the first commenter get that impression? ay naku, i agree with the comments above, and i got teary eyed because i can feel your pain with regards to your daughter's pain, the pain of a mother that just wants to make her child feel better & understand something too difficult...if you can only take all that pain away. but i 2nd the above comment that as long as you're honest about the situation & not spinning some tale you are on the right track. and when A's maturity starts kicking in slowly, and her understanding of everything grows deeper, she will realize that she is very fortunate to have a mother whose strength comes from the pain of life & love of our God. kaya mo yan Kay♥
ReplyDelete"Nakikita nya kse na ikaw eh u r still hoping kaya si A eh ganun rin and ang ending dalawa kaung nasasaktan! Let go please! God is good! Hindi nya intention na ibigay sau ung cross na yan forever...it was just ur choice to carry that cross!"
ReplyDeleteThat was the quote that gave me the impression na u seem to not get it. those of us who know really whats going on will always jump to her defense. if u changed your mind about your first comment then thats fine and dandy. But we are not stupid...we can read between the lines. If thats not what u meant, then double check what u type...we are fed up with people blaming people for crosses they carry. Should we blame Jesus for choosing to carry the cross? If he did'nt we are all doomed. Think about it.
Hello Kaye, I chanced on your blog through your post on What's wrong with Globe on FB. I am a husband and father to 2 wonderful kids.
ReplyDeleteYour man is truly not a man because we are made supposed to provide, protect and care for those the Lord entrusted us with. I am a man and the truth is I understand the lust the crosses our minds not every hour but every single second in a day. But a true man strength lies in having the discipline to suppress such urges and to focus, like in Proverbs (i think), the wife of our youth.
I love my kids and I feel for you when you feel their pain. I cant even compare because a mother's pain for their children is way greater than any father could feel. But from my perspective when I see my kids get hurt - i would get hurt too. What you feel would be more painful because it seems that you did all you can and there is nothing you can do anymore but pray.
I agree that the Lord is the God of the Impossible and someday everything will be restored. It is always darkest before the dawn.