Saturday, June 4, 2011

Of Girl Friends and Marriage... TAKE TWO

Note: I've been wanting to write this piece for the longest time. But I had too many thoughts and too little time to fill a blog entry. So it had to wait. Today, I decided that the post would be worth sitting in the heat for (my living room feels like a sauna!). Besides, I really wanted to stay home today and send entries to A's Disney thing (she won again!).

So here I am, in shock over the turn of events. I received a letter today from an old friend. She just found out that her husband is having an affair with a best friend. BEST FRIEND! I am enraged. Mainly because my friend has been going through so much already. Her father had just been diagnosed with cancer, top that with the fact that she's been dealing with a lifelong disease for years already. She's been in and out of the hospital, and really, she doesn't need the added stress.

I really don't know what to say. I mean, I know how it feels, but to be betrayed by a best friend you love and trust... I can only imagine how heartbroken my friend is right now. Angry, crazy-mad, vindictive, but mostly, sad. Man, I could just break her husband's nose!

Just recently, I was accused of trying to destroy a friend's marriage. Crazy, but true. I was merely being a friend to a friend by warning them about a recent guest they had over for dinner at their house. Alas, this was misinterpreted and I was pushed to be on the receiving end of insults and what-nots (even comments on another blog that talked about this blog) from the angry wife. I may have been trying to save them from a scam-in-the-making, but hey, I know when to draw the line... because I have been in her shoes, and I KNOW how it feels to have a girl friend intrude into married space.

No excuse though. I thought I was doing my friend a favor. I forgot I could be discrediting the wife, who happens to be a friend of the guest. They ended up fighting. I ended up "causing" the fight. Ayayay. :( So I chose to stay away - forget it that my guy friend was one of my best buds from college. I am not going to be the friend who interferes. I am sorry it happened the way it did, but I sure know when I've crossed the line. So goodbye to you, my friend.

I have come across many a girl friend, probably harmless ones at that (some I regret ever confronting) and I know how it feels when a marriage gets threatened. R had a lot (a LOT!) of girl friends. He was quick to introduce some, but the ones he kept under the radar had me going all paranoid. And I know I've written about how one should just give it all to God, and how, no matter how vindictive and angry you can get, there is no way out of the situation but by surrendering it to the Only One in control.

But really, not to get everyone paranoid, how does one protect a marriage from intruding friends?

R had a close girl friend from the gym, and she was always "too friendly". I was thankful that he introduced her to me, and got us close and all, but the friendship was just too much. She was always, ALWAYS around. Family time became family time + friend, which of course, didn't sit well with me. It was ok at first, but it reached the point where R would tell me to pay for the friend's meal because she gave him a lot of favors, etc. I mean, you owe her, I don't. And let me tell you how they were always, ALWAYS together. They often had dinner together, lunch, merienda, you name it! She was always around. And all over him. She was the touch-y, feel-y type and that just wasn't right. Not with a married man.

There was also this girl I confronted in 2008. I was happily minding my own business when I saw R and friend having coffee outside the place where I worked out (we didn't go to the same gym then). It was close to 10pm and I watched them for a whole hour (yes, yes, loser me, I know). I had called one of our pastor friends for help, and was actually advised to leave and lift the situation to God. But I was stubborn and after more than an hour of waiting, I saw it fit to confront R and T (girl friend). After being told she wasn't a homewrecker, I only had these words for her: "It's close to midnight, what friend keeps a man away from his family at this ghastly hour?"

I remember hearing tons of advice from women who had to go through the same trials I've had. On how maintaining a quiet and gentle spirit does the trick vs. confrontation and paranoia. Right, love is not jealous. But it doesn't mean you shouldn't be vigilant. On the contrary, a pastor once said, you have to protect your marriage from going into shambles. Protect it from adultery, like a shepherd guards his flock against wolves.

So when warning signs flash and you absolutely KNOW something is amiss, keep your guard up. My friend noticed that her husband was extra chummy with the best friend. They drank a lot together, shared private jokes with each other, etc. She had suspected something was up, a couple of friends had already warned her about it, but love for her best friend prevailed.

I actually don't know what advice I can give my friend. Except maybe to be strong and to allow God to weave all this together into something beautiful. God meant it for good, Hun. I know how it feels to be betrayed by someone you love and trust, but I can only imagine how painful it must be to lose both husband and friend.

"You intended to harm me, but God intended it all for good." Genesis 50:20


  1. This is so sad! Hope everything turns out well for your friend. She's lucky to have you as a friend.

    1. Michelle! I only saw your comment now. As in, almost 4 years to the day you posted the comment! My friend and her husband are okay na. :) No more third party. Hehehe.


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