Sleepless Nights

I've been having a hard time calling it a night lately. Every time I say it's time to go to bed, I end up doing something else. I dunno exactly what it is, but something in the subconscious is bothering me and keeping me awake. Last night, I decided I was gonna sleep early, but I spent the next two hours staring straight at the ceiling. Praying. Staring. Thinking. Anything, but sleep. I was awake so long past bedtime that I even heard the explosion from San Miguel Avenue at a few minutes past 3am.

As I stayed awake wondering, my thoughts brought me to thoughts of death, and they weren't exactly happy. Sometimes, an air of loneliness consumes me, and I get depressed thinking "Where did all that love go?" or "Why am I alone?" Sure, my friend A says God will take care of me, and I know that. But sometimes, I just miss the good 'ol days when everything was okay. And golly, I do not want to die unhappy or lonely or sad. Then my thoughts drift to responsibilities and the burden to provide. How pathetic is it that I work doubly hard to provide for my family's needs, and yet, I am unappreciated? But then yes, I am not alone. This is a story that has been retold as others have the same sorry story.

So last night, as I lay awake in bed, I think about God's promises and I ask Him, "Lord, what exactly is Your will? What perfect plan do You have for me?" I'm sure my God knows how tired and weary I am. I'm sure He sees my heart and how I so want to do His will. So I asked Him to give me strength to get over this hump, whatever this hump may be. I can feel something weighing me down, and I'll sure be glad if it's just "all fat" and nothing more.

PRAYER REQUEST: I'm due to see the Doctor. Please pray it's nothing serious. The Lord is My Master Physician! :)

BLESSING: Still no house (in fact, the debt list is longer today) but God has been faithful. My dad just lent me $300 to pay for my Dollar Card. Thank you, Lord!