Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Understanding Friends

Another thing that baffles me is how some of our friends (that's OUR friends, take note) are tolerant of R's ways. I would think that it would be a real friend's duty (as a real friend, that is) to reprimand a friend of his wrongdoings. But not in the case of most of R's buddies.

R grew up with a bunch of guy friends who belong to a notorious group. Their support for each other surpasses family ties, let me tell you! Once, in a conversation with our good friend A, I asked why, after all these years of knowing of R's womanizing, did he not bother telling R that what he was doing was wrong. His response did not surprise me. They were brothers. They looked after each other and had each other's back. A also said that he was no hypocrite. He went through similar problems in the past, and it would be hypocrisy to tell R off. After all, he was no saint as well.

One of R's gimmick pals, P, could not come up with a good answer when asked why, even though he knew me, met me, ate my famous spaghetti, etc., he accepted the fact that R would take him out to meet many of his many girlfriends. And each time I asked about so and so, P would reply with "Oh, they're just friends." Yea, right. There was a time when I saw pictures of R with P and different women at different times. "Friends". Different women on R's lap. Pictures of them in bed. Pictures of locked lips. Some pictures P even took! Tolerant, accepting, consenting P. Willing accomplice P. And yes, R and his "just friends".

Then there's the officemate friend, who did just the same. And I was so trusting of him because I thought he cared for our family, for our kids. Only to find out how he spread wild lies about me. Reading the emails he exchanged with my hubby while my hubby was in the US brought angry tears to my eyes. And yes, he was a willing accomplice as well.

Once, when attending a party with R's old barkada, his friend G loudly announced that he met a girl he thought R should date. And when I commented on his insensitivity, another friend T came to the rescue with another rude comment about how I was paranoid. Sigh, men!

Even the wives of some of R's friends kept R's secrets. When confronted with the same problem with her own hubby, our friend G could not come to terms with the fact that no one told her about her hubby's affair. And it was only then that I understood why she never told me about what she knew about R. The wives chose to mind their own business only because in their perspective, should it happen to them, they'd be too weak to take the blow. So they kept mum. And of course I became furious when I found out that they all knew, while I was the last to know.

Mind you, these are people I know. People who know me as R's wife. People who are my friends, people who are godparents to our children. And not one, not a single one of them dared to tell R that his womanizing was wrong. In fact, they in a way encouraged it. They accepted R's girl-of-the day during gimmicks, added them to their social networking sites, turned a blind eye to whatever R and his girl did in front of them, and collaborated his story about being single and available.

I guess you cannot blame them. After all, people should mind their own business. And the man who keeps their mouth shut is wise.

It's a different story altogether for R's new friends. But no, they do not deserve my attention, nor do they deserve special mention. Who applauds a friend for his sins? Who mindlessly puts a friend up on a pedestal for being a womanizing homewrecker? What kind of friend would create fan pages about his current "fame", forgetting the fact that he has children who can read, surf the net and comprehend? Bah! I shall never, NEVER understand those "friends".


  1. hi kaye, i read ur blog religiously i can't help but comment. I can truly relate to that cover-up friends. These people who cover up wrongs, clearly has no morals what-so-ever! i don't judge them for standing by your husband because of genuine friendship but to side with wrong is plain bull! Your husband is selfish,liar and deceitful not only to you but to all the women he fools and will continue to fool. What a sad life he lives, immature, self centred a truly waste of space on earth. You deserve better kaye! Leave him! your children deserves better as well!

  2. The Pinoy male, most of them, are like that.
    It's a cultural defect.
    Several combined factors cause that attitude:
    - our city's demographics of having more women than men.
    - Law of supply and demand. more men are turning gay, making the married men and ugly single players a rare breed.
    - religious and social pressures to remain intact as a family regardless of the brazen immorality of the husband. You know the cliched saying, For as long as he goes home to you at night?
    - the classic Pinoy macho ego
    - the rise of the social networks on the Internet and the low rates of prepaid SIM cards and unlimited text and calls

    and many more.

    Married women are not the only ones suffering from the foolish ways of two-timing men.

    Committed singles have it bad, too.

    Our only consolation as single women is that, we do not have ties to unwind in court, or children to rear after the love is gone.

    As a married woman, you really have to decide what is best for you and your children.

    Maybe he will outgrow it, maybe it will only get worse.
    Maybe he needs a bigger lesson than just a battered face by Chavit's goons, or maybe he will just get his punishment in the afterlife.

    Don't mind those friends.
    With this blog, you have made better ones than those.

  3. just a question, have you not seen this to R before you got married to him? If R is already womanizing when you both still single, then 99% it would happen all over again. it's just so sad that marriage just wont change a man's habit and character.

    about his friends, i think they knew these from the start. besides, they belong to "common group" ... rich, very good looking, spoiled, etc.


  4. Hi Kaye! yes, ive been thinking... was R like this even before you got married?...

    I really admire you for your spirit and strength...

    also, I don't know if you've heard that C and the Government official's case is now over... I know them both (not that you care) but its really pathetic that they have to go public about this and not stand for it.... Pera lang naman talaga habol nya that why she filed a case... nadamay kapa sa public humiliation and your kids.

    I have been in your position too, its really hard being alone when you know, all of them know! these people you call friends... GRR.

    Be strong... ;) God bless you and your 2 angels.


  5. @jansport: no offense meant. We're on the same boat here. peace tayo, okay? This is not directed at you, but at them. Just need to say this for the record.

    R's new group, The Entourage, are not all good looking, not all rich. I have seen better breed than those boys. No pedigree even to speak of.

    My gay friends look 10 times better than that rowdy bunch.
    They are just loud. They go around feeling handsome because the single ladies seem to "want" them. Or so they think.

    R is the best looking in the bunch, though. It's easy to see how K fell for his charms. :-)

  6. But R has a very small package... :D saw a picture of it. bwahahaha.

  7. Hello, Kaye! I sympathize with you,... we're on the same boat. Until now I still feel the pain. Imagine our kumpare covering up the 'more-than-10-years-affair of my husband with a nurse from Aramco who is also married and their kumare! Imagine I used-to go to her place in Kamias without knowing she's having an affair, or should I say she was the 'wife' of my husband in Saudi! Diring-diri talaga ako! Sabay silang uuwi dito sa Pinas, gagamitin siya ng Mr. ko sa Bahrain o Hongkong, pagdating dito sa Pinas, ako naman ang gagamitin niya. Pagbalik ganoon na naman... ako, then siya sa Hongkong o sa Bahrain... Talagang hirap to keep SANE IN THIS INSANE WORLD!!!


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