Understanding Friends

Another thing that baffles me is how some of our friends (that's OUR friends, take note) are tolerant of R's ways. I would think that it would be a real friend's duty (as a real friend, that is) to reprimand a friend of his wrongdoings. But not in the case of most of R's buddies.

R grew up with a bunch of guy friends who belong to a notorious group. Their support for each other surpasses family ties, let me tell you! Once, in a conversation with our good friend A, I asked why, after all these years of knowing of R's womanizing, did he not bother telling R that what he was doing was wrong. His response did not surprise me. They were brothers. They looked after each other and had each other's back. A also said that he was no hypocrite. He went through similar problems in the past, and it would be hypocrisy to tell R off. After all, he was no saint as well.

One of R's gimmick pals, P, could not come up with a good answer when asked why, even though he knew me, met me, ate my famous spaghetti, etc., he accepted the fact that R would take him out to meet many of his many girlfriends. And each time I asked about so and so, P would reply with "Oh, they're just friends." Yea, right. There was a time when I saw pictures of R with P and different women at different times. "Friends". Different women on R's lap. Pictures of them in bed. Pictures of locked lips. Some pictures P even took! Tolerant, accepting, consenting P. Willing accomplice P. And yes, R and his "just friends".

Then there's the officemate friend, who did just the same. And I was so trusting of him because I thought he cared for our family, for our kids. Only to find out how he spread wild lies about me. Reading the emails he exchanged with my hubby while my hubby was in the US brought angry tears to my eyes. And yes, he was a willing accomplice as well.

Once, when attending a party with R's old barkada, his friend G loudly announced that he met a girl he thought R should date. And when I commented on his insensitivity, another friend T came to the rescue with another rude comment about how I was paranoid. Sigh, men!

Even the wives of some of R's friends kept R's secrets. When confronted with the same problem with her own hubby, our friend G could not come to terms with the fact that no one told her about her hubby's affair. And it was only then that I understood why she never told me about what she knew about R. The wives chose to mind their own business only because in their perspective, should it happen to them, they'd be too weak to take the blow. So they kept mum. And of course I became furious when I found out that they all knew, while I was the last to know.

Mind you, these are people I know. People who know me as R's wife. People who are my friends, people who are godparents to our children. And not one, not a single one of them dared to tell R that his womanizing was wrong. In fact, they in a way encouraged it. They accepted R's girl-of-the day during gimmicks, added them to their social networking sites, turned a blind eye to whatever R and his girl did in front of them, and collaborated his story about being single and available.

I guess you cannot blame them. After all, people should mind their own business. And the man who keeps their mouth shut is wise.

It's a different story altogether for R's new friends. But no, they do not deserve my attention, nor do they deserve special mention. Who applauds a friend for his sins? Who mindlessly puts a friend up on a pedestal for being a womanizing homewrecker? What kind of friend would create fan pages about his current "fame", forgetting the fact that he has children who can read, surf the net and comprehend? Bah! I shall never, NEVER understand those "friends".