Tuesday, October 6, 2009

Another Case of the Mental Blog

I have been contemplating on writing a blog entry for the past days, but have not been able to find the right words to do so. A lot of things have been going on in my head lately. My current state of mind can be wrapped up into a single word: frustrated.

I am frustrated over a lot of things - work, family, expenses, a best friend, etc. Yesterday, I was so short strung, I ended up yelling at A for disappearing on me in the middle of her homework. I have been contemplating on sending A to counseling. At 7, she seems to be handling everything well, but it looks like she has a mask on, too. Yesterday, we spent 30 minutes looking for a bag she thought she had misplaced at the office, only to find it in the car, right where she left it! I thought frustrated defined the moment for me, especially since I was ready to blow my top with her thinking this and that, only to have one of my good friends catch me off guard with this comment: "You are not frustrated, you are impatient." And she is so, so right. I reflect on myself, my thoughts and my emotions and can only agree that these have been brought on by my lack of patience. Things have been happening so fast over the past month, and I have been expecting the rest to take on the same quick pace.

I have to remember to pull the reigns on this one. Nope, life is definitely back to 1st gear. Slow as slow can be. But why is it that I still find myself wanting an extra hour or two for my days? I feel as if I have been playing catch up with the rest of the world. I am behind on a lot of things. At work, my list of things to do is just too much. I find myself scrambling for that extra day each time I get a cake order. I find myself spending more and more time at the office at night (because I don't have the heart to face the situation at home). And I don't even have the energy to go with my business partner to the next business meeting, because I feel I need to be at home with the kids (in exchange for the guilty feelings I have, since I spend most of my days at work).

So. Does this post even make any sense to you? I don't even know why I'm publishing this one today. I have to remember to write when I find the inspiration. I had a blog in my head two mornings ago, but decided not to write about it now. Hohum, yes, I have been bitten by the mental blog bug once again. I wonder how long this one would last... nyar.

1 comment:

  1. To my online friend,
    You sound like you need a break. Your children will be fine.
    You, on the other hand, have to take care of yourself.
    You can't take care of others unless you are physically and mentally well.

    Writing is like breastfeeding. ;-)
    You gotta keep trying until your creative juices start flowing.
    So, just blog about anything. It'll do you good.



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