Sunday, December 6, 2009


Today, as I sat in the movie theater at Rockwell waiting for Planet 51 to start, I found my thoughts drifting off to thoughts I've pushed aside. Call it denial, but I found it was easier to pretend than deal with issues head on.

The truth is, I am tired of wearing the mask I put on every day. But today, as I sat there, I realized that... I am okay. My good friend T, wrote a note on FB today that said so much about how important it is to belong to circles where friends accept you for who and what you are, where you don't need to pretend to be who you aren't. Simply because, well, there are people around you who value you as you are, flaws and all. If there are a handful who don't, then it's their problem, not yours.

I belong to a family of different strokes, but does it matter that we are different? That's what makes us special!

So today, I realized a lot of things. One of them being it is okay to be in my shoes. Besides, they are big shoes to fill. Not everyone can live my life. I mean, go ahead and try. Moreover, I realized that it is okay to be living the life I have. It is okay even if things aren't perfect. It is the imperfections that polish us - that mold us into beings we are set out to be. The trials, the circumstances are what prepare us for the end of the road.

As I type this, I realize that it is sad how some people cannot accept the facts the way they are. That some people prefer to make issues out of plain things. That circumstances are made to appear bigger than what they really are. And it is doubly sad that some people cannot see the beauty of transparency. That a lot of people in this world prefer to be with those who don't know the real 'you'. If you have to build up yourself to make yourself acceptable, then where is your real value? How sad is that?

So it does not matter that my marriage isn't perfect. That my family is not intact. No one can judge me for that. Circumstances brought me here. It is the way I deal with the circumstances, the way I carry myself in spite of the circumstances that matter. No, it doesn't mean I should wear the mask and pretend I am better than it. It means, even if I falter and cry, get angry and frustrated, freak out and break down, or even if I choose to just laugh it off...

I am okay.

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