10 Reasons Not To Date A Married Man

By Mark Goulston, M.D.
(Got this from the Net)

There are no positive reasons for dating a married man. Even the good reasons don't stand the test of time and turn out to be bad ideas in good ideas' clothing. If you find yourself on the brink of temptation, look at these 10 truths before you leap:

1. He won't commit to a future with you. A man who is in a very unhappy or unsatisfying marriage can feel swept away by how wonderful you make him feel. He may even blurt out, "I've never felt this way before and I can see spending the rest of my life with you." This may sound like a commitment to a future with you. It's not. Don't confuse his loving the way you make him feel with his loving you and making a commitment to you.

2. Cheating on his wife tells you how he deals with any situation he doesn't like. You are evidence of his avoiding dealing with unpleasant situations head on. This means that he's likely to resort to some devious behavior with you if the two of you encounter relationship problems.

3. Hiding is exhausting. Having to keep your relationship a secret can attack your self-esteem and cause you to miss out on one of the wonderful aspects of a relationship. Walking together freely and radiantly through the world can fill you with the glow of being with someone who is proud to be with you.

4. He's got his cake and is eating it, too. He has a legitimate married relationship that helps his public persona and he has an illegitimate one with you to make up for what he's missing in his marriage. As appreciative as he sounds, many women who are involved with married men come to resent his having the best of both worlds, when she has the least.

5. Can you love someone who is so disrespectful of his wife? The existence of your relationship with a married man tells you how little he respects his wife by lying to her instead of being a man and telling her he wants out.

6. Lose his respect and it's over. Even though he's the one who pursued you. Even though he's the one that made it difficult to say "No." And even though he tells you how wonderful you are. At some level, he's going to have trouble respecting you for settling for such a flawed relationship. Like the Groucho Marx joke, "He may not want to be of a relationship that would have him as a partner."

7. You're not a home wrecker, just an accomplice. Like it or not, you are a willing participant in a man violating his vows and betraying the trust of his wife -- not to mention grossly disappointing his children and making it difficult for them to see him as a role model.

8. You're kidding yourself. Despite his reassuring you how much you mean to him, his not ending his relationship with his wife in an above-board and respectful way -- and not beginning a legitimate relationship with you -- are actions that speak louder than words.

9. Beware the guilt boomerang. Many men (and women) have difficulty accepting full responsibility for their deceitful actions. Human nature finds it easier to blame than to accept shame. If he is caught by his wife or conscience, don't be surprised if he tries to blame you and get you to take the fall.

10. Time is too precious to waste. Ever notice how quickly the years go as you get older? Because it's convenient and comfortable, a relationship with a married man can go on for a long time -- and before you know it, eat up the precious time you might have had in a healthy relationship with a chance of flourishing. When people who have been involved with married men finally move on, they often regret having wasted the time in a dead-end affair.

all these points remind me of T and our confrontation over at GJ last February. T, remember your line? your "I'm not a homewrecker! Whasyourfroblem?!!" line? i pray you find someone who will love you exclusively. don't settle for leftovers.

What If This Happened To You?

so you're standing in line at some self-service grill place, and your kid and her nanny are seated at a table waiting for you. your hubby went to park so you let groups go ahead so you can decide what to get.

it is rush hour (dinner) so more people come to line up behind you. hubby comes and can't find you in the crowd. proceeds to sit with your kid and nanny, although not exactly beside but across, such that it appears they aren't quite together (unintentionally, of course).

then you hear the two ladies behind you have the following conversation:

girl 1: uy, nakita mo ba yung gwapo na yun, yung naka-cream stripes?
girl 2: san? san?
girl 1: yun o. boylet yan ni T, patay na patay nga yan kay T e. dami nilang pics sa friendster. piolo nga tawag ni T dyan.
girl 2: sino si T?
girl 1: si T!!! yung sa hospital, sa ano... (proceeds to mention doctors' names, hospitals, etc).
girl 2: ah... oo nga. e ang gwapo naman yan. di naman kagandahan si T a.
girl 1: ano naman sya e, baby face...
girl 2: e diba taken na si T?
girl 1: syempre, when the cat is away, the mouse will play.
girl 2: hahahaha. sira.
girl 1: shucks. may asawa na ba yan? (notices that your hubby reaches out to your kid, and talks to your nanny)
girl 2: san? e kinakausap nya yung bata. baka asawa nya yan. (referring to your nanny whose back is towards them)
girl 1: baka nga. affair! (laughs really loud) teka, dala ko ba phone ko?

your hubby then gets up and heads toward you. he hands you a 500-peso bill and you say "uy, kilala nila yung girlash mo o." but he doesn't quite hear, so he shrugs and walks back to the table.

the two ladies are of course, dumbfounded. that finally shut them up, you think.

later down the line, you notice them texting and whispering but you don't even bother looking back. your kid comes up to you and says "daddy says don't order na drinks, water lang, but i want gulaman." just when you were about to pay, the hubby comes up again and says "upo ka na, ako na dyan." much to the shock of the two ladies behind you.

One Tough Momma.

ok, so where am i coming from here? yesterday, Pastor D spoke on perseverance... on how trials come to toughen you up. today, i was able to apply his preaching. funny how yesterday, as i sat there, i laughed at his illustration on how one should continue on praising God in the midst of trials, only to find myself faced with a trial this morning. so i struggled with it, and remembered his words (or the Bible's, rather): "Consider it pure joy, my brothers, when you experience troubles of many kinds..."

when i entered the conference room for my meeting, i told A about what Pastor D preached on yesterday and how i am applying it to my situation. PRAISE GOD for trials, because they toughen you up.

if there is one thing i have learned in the past two tumultuous years, it is how i should depend solely on God and not on men. of course there are people sent by God to help you out of your situation, but God wants us DESPERATELY dependent on Him. who is the first person you run to for help in times of trouble? why not call on God first thing as He is MORE THAN ABLE?

TO BE JOYFUL in spite of hard times is a test of faith. but wouldn't you consider it PURE JOY that it is God who can lift you out of your depths of despair? who but Him is your BEST HELPER? A, J, K and i laughed our heads off this morning as i mumbled "Thank you, Lord, for giving me a husband like R!" but when i look back, i smile because can you just imagine the wonderful ways God can remedy my situation? it will be more than i have ever imagined!

i see my problems from a DIFFERENT PERSPECTIVE. i've said it before but i'll say it again: God is finishing His work in me. He is honing my testimony. i don't even see R the same way i used to see him in the past. i don't even see my situation as miserable (would you believe?). i am THANKFUL for my situation. it has made me closer to God. it has taught me a lesson on unconditional love. God is PERFECTING MY FAITH.

so why do i hope when all seems bleak? when my situation seems helpless? I HOPE IN HOPE. i hope in Him who says "...ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE FOR THE ONE WHO BELIEVES."

not to say that i do not cry. not to say that i do not get hurt. i have probably had more than my fair share of pain. hence, i am blessed, to say the least. but i am not giving up. my eyes are set on the goal. and I WILL FINISH MY RACE.

one day, when my kids look back at the life i've led, i wish for them to learn one thing: that i lived my life for God, not knowing what's on the next bend, but expecting God to meet me at the end of my journey with open arms. GOD IS MY REFUGE AND STRENGTH.

Closer Than You Think

Today's Scripture

"Do not cast away your confidence, for it carries a great reward" (Hebrews 10:35).

Today's Word from Joel and Victoria

Have you been praying and believing for something that seems like it's taking a lot longer than you thought? Many times, people can miss God's best simply because they give up before they see their "due season" come. Don't let that be you! Be encouraged today, your answer is closer than you think. If it seem like things are getting more difficult, remember, when the intensity heats up, that means you are closer to your victory. It always seems darkest just before the dawn arrives. You serve a faithful God, and He's working behind the scenes on your behalf. Don't cast away your confidence today because your reward is coming. And just like a new mother forgets about her labor pain when she is finally holding her newborn, you'll forget about your struggle when you are holding on to your promise. While you are waiting, keep an attitude of faith and expectancy. Wake up every morning and say out loud, "I've come too far to give up now. My due season is coming. I will reap my harvest." Stay in faith and look for His hand of blessing because He has promised you victory and it's closer than you think!

A Prayer for Today

Father in Heaven, today I stand believing that You are working behind the scenes on my behalf. Give me Your strength to continue believing until I see Your promises fulfilled in my life. In Jesus' Name. Amen.