What's Wrong with Me?

I wrote this piece last week. Or maybe it was two weeks ago. I forget. But anyway...

I was thinking about my "situation" on the drive to work. I was actually listening to Ted Failon over the radio, and he was praising this laundry woman on air about being the breadwinner to her family - a hero to many. It's funny and ironic because here was this news anchor, praising a lowly home maker about working her butt off to make things work for her family, and people around me have either criticized me or have looked down on my current status as sole parent. Hello, it isn't like I chose to be one. 

It's not easy being a single mom. Neither is it easy trying to make things work on my own. I am neither here nor there. My current status, I would think, would be "floating". There are a number of things I wish I could do, act on, decide upon, but I don't know, I guess, I have no will to work things out that way. You are wrong to think I am hoping for R to come back home, fix things, sweep me off my feet, fall in love all over again, get married, start off where we left off, etc. etc. etc. There are certain points in my resolve that have changed over the past years, and it is the very reason why this blog is... hmmm... confused.

I've received quite a few remarks from friends and relatives, some of which even go as far as chastising me for being in this state of limbo, so to speak. "DO SOMETHING!" "WHY WAIT?" "SAYANG YOUR LIFE." What exactly is sayang? My youth? The fact that I may be lucky enough to snag someone else's heart? Really, what exactly do you mean when you say so?

People criticize me for being late, for not being available all the time. Give me a break! I am all for an organized life, but after all that I have to do, I am all of tired, too! Can you blame me? If I'm tired of waking up day in and day out, working my butt off, slaving away at work, working full time at home, finding it hard to get up early during the week, postpone potty training, shelve blogging, etc. because there are other things I would rather do? And please, you have no right to compare my life to other single parents! I am sure some have it harder, but we each live our lives the best we can!

I don't think it's a secret that I want to be a housewife. That has been a dream. No, not just a housewife, but yes, a housewife. Ah! To take care of my kids, see them grow up, spend every waking moment with them, having the energy to teach them, homeschool them, read them books, take them places, etc. That is my dream. Can you blame me if I want that and not this? But yes, because I am a single parent, I have no choice but to work full time. No choice but to depend on no one else but myself.

Where do people get the energy to criticize my lifestyle? To comment about how I decide to spend my money? To go as far as to tell me to my face not to get pregnant ever again because I cannot afford it!? My goodness, what are these people on?!

Tell me, what is wrong with me? I am dealing with lemons and have chosen to make lemonade as best as I can. Don't spoil my juice with your salt. It's sad how people find it so easy to talk, to criticize, to say this and that, when really, what do they know? What do they know about my life? About my heart? About solely raising kids? About hoping on God to get me out of my rut one day, but counting it all joy until that day comes?


I did not choose to be miserable. And I do not choose to be! I love my life, and although I know it could use fine-tuning, I would not trade it for the world.