Family Drama

I spent the whole of Saturday with the kids, and as usual, they started bickering and fighting. Let me tell you, it doesn't matter how far apart they are in age, they fight just the same.

And I, being the tired Momma, can't take it anymore.

So after reprimanding A and RL for the nth time that day (it was late, and we were at the grocery when they started another squabble on who gets to buy what, and who gets punished for not doing this or that, and "Mom, look he's touching that rusty chain!" and "Momma, she's poking me!" and well, you get the idea), I just about had it. After paying for our purchases, we left immediately and I gave them a lengthy sermon 'til we reached the house.

And I wasn't done with just that. Once we entered the house, I asked RL to go to the room and talked to him about disobedience and how Momma's tired of him not listening, etc. I gave him a couple of swats to his bottom, and he just stood there looking at me like I was some lunatic giving an Oscar speech. I was. I was talking up a storm. That, plus I was trying to get him to understand why I was sad and mad.

When it was A's turn, I was literally exhausted. I was telling her how tired I was of having to deal with the same thing over and over again, and that life isn't about getting what you want (she had wanted something earlier and had spent the rest of the day scowling because I had said 'No'). I went on to give her a piece of my heart. I told her how I've been sacrificing my wants (and sometimes my needs!) for their needs and wants, and how I haven't purchased anything for myself (aside from clothes) since I had gotten married. And how it was unfair that life was this way, but we had to make do, because life isn't always fair. And how I wished we could spend money without batting an eyelash, but right now, we are hard up and have to budget. And that life isn't a competition - and she, being the older sibling, should give way to her little brother who is only four (and knows only so much). By this time, I was already crying. I felt like a child. And yes, I know that was a low blow for me to be telling A all that, but I was on the verge of losing it (or wait, I must have)! I don't like having enemies, and the last thing I wanted was for my children to hate me for being such a stuck-up mom. I can't help it sometimes, we can't buy everything nor can we have our way all the time!

So when I made my last request, I was doing so in between loud sobs. I was telling her how sad it made me that she and RL kept fighting. She's the older sibling, she should be helping me instead of provoking her little brother. I told her how tired I was, and that we should be helping out each other instead of bickering and fighting all the time.

"It's just the three of us now. Can't we all get along? I'm so tired. I just want us to be happy. I hate it when you guys fight all the time. We are all we've got."

Then she starts sobbing. Out loud. And we hug. And I can't tell you if it felt good. Or worse. But I spent a good hour after that thinking about R and how he's probably having the time of his life with some girl, when here we were trying to deal with all his unfair choices and the potholes he left on our once good and promising road.

Family drama. I've had enough. After twelve long years, I think it's time to bring happy back.