Monday, January 18, 2010

Of Girl Friends and Marriage...

Put yourselves in Kris Aquino's shoes. Your marriage is on the rocks. You (and your husband, you think) are working on your marriage, trying to save what's left of it. The last thing you need is another affair. But then your husband has friends, who happen to be girls. And they aren't your friends, only his. Would you feel comfortable knowing his girl friends call him up? Would you, like Kris, confront the girl or girls?

Let me tell you what. I've been there. I've done that.

I've had my share of annoying girl friends. Girls who profess to be "just friends" in R's life. Not that they intimidate me, or that I am insecure of them. But these girls take precious quality time away from MY family, and ON PURPOSE (don't get me wrong, R has other girl friends that I absolutely love and adore; there are a select many though that have other motives). Let me cite one: R once had a girl friend from the gym, who happened to befriend me. She supposedly was one of the boys, and would hang out with R and his guy friends from the gym. She once even offered to be my "spy" at the gym, claiming that R had dozens of admirers there. There was one time though when I was trying to invite her over for dinner when she kept giving me the excuse that she wouldn't be at the gym all week. But I later received a call from one of R's guy friends who was burdened enough to tell me that the girl saw R every single day at the gym that week and that she'd have dinner with him every single night. True enough, when I stormed to the mall that day, I found her having dinner with R.

Pretty safe excuse, you say? Then let me tell you this. If a girl is really a friend, then she'd respect the fact that the wife/family exists in her guy friend's life. Respect means knowing not to cross the line.

In Kris' case, I think she had every right to do what she did. Whether or not this girl was "just a friend", Kris only did what she had to do. Wives don't get paranoid for no reason at all. A woman's intuition is mostly correct. You know why? When a man becomes your husband, the vow that is made before God makes him and you one flesh. Did you ever wonder why coincidences happen more than a handful in you and your husband's everyday life? I mean, for R and me, there'd be times when we'd go to the grocery separately and unknowingly buy exactly the same things - a tray of eggs, a loaf of bread, bananas and dog biscuits. I mean, what are the chances, right? Not just once, but over a dozen times in a year's time! There was even one time during our early life as a married couple when we came home with new mobile phones on the same day - same make and model (and no, that wasn't when the world only had the N2110, LOL)! Plus, we didn't even talk about getting new phones. And well, R and I have obviously different tastes. But it happens.

But I digress, my point is, a wife is connected to her husband because they are of one flesh. So when a man cheats or lies, the wife will somehow know (as it is when he is happy or sad), unless the wife lives in denial or refuses to face that inkling or that nagging suspicion (but then of course, there are wives who are so not connected to their husbands or couldn't even care less :P).

I mean, sure, it is fine to have girl friends. I mean, a guy can't have just all guy friends, right? And so it is with women, having guy friends. I also have guy friends (my best friend's a guy, in fact!), and sure, there is nothing wrong with having friends of the opposite sex. But there is a thin line that separates friendship and relationship, especially with friends of the other gender. Especially when a marriage is on the rocks. Why? Well because the devil preys, deceives and destroys.

Ok, ok. I don't want to sound like a preacher here. But really, there is nothing more that the enemy wants than to have marriages crumble, families destroyed, souls lost, and well, you know what I mean. When you put yourself in situations where you allow yourself to be tempted, then you make yourself vulnerable to something more than just friendship. Oh come on, tell me this: when (and please, no Platos or Socrates in the house!) you have marital differences and your married life isn't perfect, and you choose to run to a friend of the opposite sex for comfort and advice, don't you find yourself comparing that particular friend to your spouse? Don't you become emotionally attached to that friend? Especially when that friend is comforting and supportive, when you are aching for love and security from the one you love?

I am not saying all men (or women) are cheats. There are indeed rare good breeds. But when a man has a track record of being a womanizer (like someone I know), it is quite hard to believe that the friendship is anything but otherwise. It is the same in James' case. And that is why Kris, in all her effort to heal and save the marriage, had to go to Mayen's house to set the record straight, to see for herself what the real score was between the so-called fan and her hubby.

It would have been ok, in my opinion, had the other woman come out and apologized. I mean, I'd be ashamed of myself for confronting the other woman at her house, had she come out and apologized to me for calling my husband and bothering him with her sob stories. I mean, he could have been her only friend at that particular point in time. But the mere fact that Mayen stormed out of her house, refusing to apologize, even when she already knew Kris had an issue with her calling James, only showed her disrespect for Kris being James' wife. I mean, hello... I'd be way embarrassed to have Kris calling on me to ask me what the score was between me and James. I mean, if we were really just friends indeed.

But then, no. She just had to defend herself. She just had to defend her right to call James. Call it whatever, but I think something was out of place. Here was this woman friend, who, in all her insolence, refused to apologize even when she knew she had no business calling a married man - one who denied being her friend at that. I mean, if she was indeed just a fan, why call the star athlete about your love problems, right? I am sure she knew of Kris. And why, pray tell, if they were really friends, didn't Kris know of her friendship with James? I'd be suspicious of any girl friend I personally don't know about!

And James? Well James I want to hit on the head. But then that's another story.

It's funny how I see similarities in this story to some chapters in my marriage. If there is one thing I've learned, it is that marriage is a partnership. A two-person thing; A two-way street. It is reciprocal. It cannot survive on just one person's will. You just cannot fix it alone. Unless of course, a miracle happens (and miracles don't happen everyday).

And well, if I were in Kris' shoes, I would have done the exact same thing. James is one lucky duck to have Kris fight for him, when obviously, he doesn't deserve it one itty bit.

Credit goes to Philippine Entertainment Portal for the photo used on this post.


  1. Just some reliable infos (not chismis or hearsay). Kris has had 7 D&C from her previous relationships, 2 of them from Gabby, 1 from Alvin Patrimonio, 1 from Robin, 1 from Richard G, 1 from Joey and another from non showbiz friend. Also, had a rendenvouz and discreet relationship with Jay Manalo after Joey. That's real facts Ms. K!

    Same goes with Claudine na suki ng D&C from Mark, Rico, etc.

  2. if it's even true that she had D&C before, will it be ok for other girls to steal her husband, will it be ok for James to womanize?

    Does it even matter in this issue?

    If you are looking for logic over this issue.. why such things are happening to her.. errr think further. Think deep.. Real deep!

  3. Hey, no wife deserves to be cheated on. Even if Kris had a past so bad and ugly, she committed herself to James in marriage (and as far as I know, so did James commit to her). Besides, once you repent, and turn back from your old ways, you are completely forgiven. So who are we to judge?

    Sorry, but out of context, I think. :P

  4. @ jansport: knock knock whoever you are, what we are talking is a cheating husdand. your comment is by far not related to the topic.

    @ firstwivesclub: bravo. sad to say, i have a cheating father too. and the worst thing is, he left us for the other woman. last i heard, he had two boys with her.

  5. Assuming all the info about Kris's "D and C" are true and correct,it only goes to show her poor choices in men....LOL...and that she easily falls in love with the wrong types of men. But there's nothing wrong with that because people can still change if they want to. Even these philandering men should not be judged for their past if they decide to turn a new leaf someday.

    What's wrong is for a single woman to knowingly conduct an "emotional" affair with someone who is married. And for the married man to carry on knowing that it would hurt his wife if she knew about it.

  6. this post is laced with cruel, judgmental tirades over the girl you know nothing about. no one really knows what went down between the three of them so you should just keep their business to themselves. comparing their lives with yours invites the danger of validating your concepts amidst compromised cases. i would rather read on how you have waded the turmoils of your own life, at least that is first-hand information, not out of the tabloids.

    don't get me wrong, i appreciate the insights i get from this blog, but this one is a low-blow, you do not need somebody else's case to rally yours.


  7. @Anonymous, I am sorry if you found this post "cruel and judgmental", but may I ask which sentence you found offensive? The post dedicated one short paragraph on "the girl i know nothing about", and it didn't even conclude anything about the girl. :P


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