Monday, June 24, 2013

It's Complicated.

I know I owe you folks, but do bear with me a bit. See, I lost my Nana late Thursday night. And if you stumbled upon this post without any links (yay, regular reader!), then let me tell you why.

It's complicated. 

And although my closest friends admit there really are conflicts within families, it still makes me sad. In fact, ours is a little more than the ordinary family squabble. I am talking about lawsuits and warrants, custody battles, etc. And caught in the middle of that crossfight - my helpless, bedridden and unresponsive Nana (until she passed, that is) - probably screaming in her head, begging her kids to stop. 

It happened once, maybe twice (I forget). But once, sometime in 2011 (I think), my mom took us to see her. She had just gotten home from the hospital, had taken a turn for the worse, and my mom wanted us to visit in case she doesn't make it through that battle. But Nana had been living with an aunt, who came while we were visiting, and started yelling at us, A included (and traumatised after that). 

I cannot go into details, given it is a big, complicated and sad story - one I am not privy to even talk about. Sigh. 

So yes, she passed away. And as much as I want the whole world to mourn with me, and tell me things will be okay, I wonder... Will it? Be okay?

Saturday, I took the kids to her wake. And there she was, lying peacefully in her coffin, with a smile plastered on her face. She is probably waltzing with my Grandfather - happy to finally be back in his arms. 

Thankfully, we left without conflict. At least, everyone saw it fit that day to be civil and act like adults. My cousin, who refuses to come home from NYC, says funerals are for us to celebrate a life, a chance to commune, laugh, love and reminisce. That obviously won't happen this week.

And it's extra sad, you know, how my kids never really got to know their great-grandmother. Well, A met her a few times in the past, when she was well enough to have lunch or dinner with us. But RL had never even had the chance to see her - to think she lived just a couple of blocks from the office.

Meeting his Tai-Ma for the first and last time. :'(

I hate family conflicts. Life is short! 

1 comment:

  1. I feel for you. My family is also embroiled in a nasty feud with other members, in the center of it is my soon to be 92 year old grandma. I find it sad that those who had nothing to do with the issues were dragged in the conflict. Really, it is hard to get that some people one would expect to at least be sane enough turn out to be the most "stupid" - they were being lied to in the face and yet still think what they are told are true. That for somebody who ought to know better, they should at least find out whether they are getting the whole picture and not pass judgments until they had listened to or at least asked for the other side of the story. Some people are just so easily manipulated with hearsay!

    I guess common sense had become rare commodity, and that family loyalty rarer...


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