Sunday, June 27, 2010

Starting Over

Today, at church, I felt the Lord disturbing my heart. You know that saying "Things happen for a reason?" Well, what about, "THINGS DON'T HAPPEN FOR A REASON?" Yep, and that reason is because you were too busy dilly-dallying. Why can't we just start on just doing something sometimes?

My friend T used to tell me that someday, she will win the lottery. But guess what, she wouldn't even buy herself a ticket, so how in the world will she ever win anything? It is the same with goals in life. I think about my resolve to stand for my marriage and what do I see? A resolve shelved, that's what! Somehow, somewhere down the line, I decided to throw everything in the bin. Why wait? Why stand? I am tired.

But today, I hear my heart telling me... you are tired, because you don't bother. You are tired, K, because you don't even want to try anymore. You were so close, and yet, you decided it wasn't worth the wait.

I look at my husband (and yes, girls, Richard Catral aka all the many aliases is STILL my husband) and by golly, it is easy to just give up! Yesterday, I felt like I wanted to strangle him. But for what? What would THAT solve? I am still frustrated. He is still at it. I so wanted to say "pssh, let me see you get out of this pothole." And yet, things don't change when I do nothing but complain or laugh at his misery or get frustrated with his decisions.

Things don't happen when I feel it is easier to be angry and protect my heart from getting hurt, than to be upfront and face reality. Things don't happen because people choose to stop praying. Because I stopped praying.

I am not waiting for a miracle. Don't get me wrong.

But here is this man who is lost in his world of sin. Do I look away and chuckle to myself, hoping he'd stumble and fall? Or does he deserve to be prayed for, to be shown compassion, forgiveness and grace? These are the same things God has offered us!

This whole week, I was shown all that I needed to see to finally decide. I will stand, not for myself, but for his sake. May my small story magnify God's greatness when that one day finally comes.
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