Wednesday, February 6, 2013

Recovery and Restoration

My life's a mess.

The past two weeks alone, we've been in and out of the doctor's clinic. The little boy contracted a viral infection, and gave it to me and his sister. A got it mild and came down with low grade fever once, some rashes but overall, she was ok. I had it bad with extreme joint pain (extreme is an understatement) and I had to endure arthritis-like pain in my hands and legs, so much so that I couldn't even fold my fingers nor walk. Each step down the stairs felt like my ankles were about to give way.

RL? Well he got the rashes bad. It was lacy and hot, and yes, all over his little body. Poor baby.

Lacy rash on his upper torso. This got worse after a few days.
"Slapped" cheeks - a symptom of the viral infection.
He looked like a little Eskimo with his flushed cheeks and lacy rash.

And if you think that's it, and that I am over-reacting with declaring how messy my life is right now, wait 'til I tell you about my marriage. LOL!

Ok, ok, not a mess, but really, really frustrating. I no longer know what I want, and I no longer know where I stand with all that has happened the past three months. There was a week that I was so sure everything was fine and dandy, and then, I got back on the rollercoaster and it went spiraling down since then. Ok, no, it isn't that bad. It's hard to explain. Sigh.

My biggest opponent right now is me, myself and I. My expectations have derailed my faith, and I am struggling to believe. So right when I was about to write this post (today, being coding day and I have about an hour to spare before heading home), I got to re-read my last post.

I suppose believing means rejoicing in even the small things - in the small, instant miracles that turn up each day. It is rejoicing that my prodigal came home, and although he is leaving again, he loves it at home.

It is rejoicing that God keeps His promises. And that I know He shall restore, even when I fail at believing, or even when the prodigal appears like he is fighting God's hand on his life.

It is rejoicing that my kids love him, even when he was absent for quite a while. And that although he still cannot provide for the family, it doesn't matter. What matters most to my kids is that he is there.

It is rejoicing with the fact that a multitude of friends has been praying with and for us. Family, included.

It is rejoicing that God's timing is always perfect.


Lord, until that day comes, please see me through this "mess" and allow me to be expectant of Your forthcoming instant.

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