Tuesday, February 8, 2011

Not Afraid to Shout It Out Loud!

I love my husband, and I am not afraid to tell the whole world so. We are no longer together -- been separated since 2009 actually.

This is my 2nd Valentines without him, but I am ok. We're good friends... well, at least, I'd like to think so. A lot of people have personally asked me how this is all possible, and why I haven't given up on this man... my constant answer is "my hope doesn't rely on him." My hope is in the Lord.

Ok, so it's a safe answer. I must admit that there are times I question myself as well. And dealing with the fact isn't easy. Here is this man I have loved for 10 whole years - a man I promised I'd love for better or for worse. And yet, the worse came, and we both chickened out. O_o

We were at opposite poles (and no, the rule of "opposites attract" did not apply to us). We were no longer on the same page. I was thinking about family, and well... he... let's just say, he wasn't seeing the same thing.

My friend, G, over dinner last Friday declared this fact about me "the family unit is so important to you, no?" And it dawned on me, he may be right, but that just isn't it. He's missing the point.

I am not some wife hanging on desperately to a man who doesn't want me. I am sure there were instances along the road that made me want to give up. And I am sure there were times when I felt so sure that is what I wanted. And needed. But I also believe in an omnipotent God who says "With Me, ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE." That's where my conviction lies. People criticize me about it, telling me all sorts about how God doesn't want me miserable, how God has something good planned for me if I get out of my sad state of a marriage.

But I am not lonely, let alone miserable. There are times I feel alone, and I must admit that there are times I feel soooo out of it. So out of whack, my bestfriend would like to say. But God's grace is abundant. His mercies are new every morning. EVERY MORNING.

I choose to put my faith in Him who can do absolutely everything. I am limited by my own mind, but God's ways are higher than mine. My heart has God written all over it. There is no emptiness. No loneliness. In fact, I am overwhelmed by His love.

So I choose happiness today. The void has been replaced by something more than I could ever ask for.

And so, Valentines, to me, isn't some sad pagan celebration of some love lost, because the truth remains: I still love my husband, and I am not afraid to say so. One day I will look back and declare that I ran the race with no regrets.

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  1. I love this Kaye! You are really remarkable!

  2. Hey, you should write a story for that Buudoir Girls thingy...I would but 1) my story is boring already 2) i don't write as well as you do... he he :p Anyways, see you soon! Your post is really nice :)

  3. unshakable...unbreakable Kaye

  4. I just started reading your blog entries and I promise to read everything :-)

    I truly truly admire your strength. Just remember that someone (me!) is rooting for you.


  5. i just started reading your blog..and you're such an inspiration..i haven't completely read everything so I'm back reading BUT I truly admire you. It made me realize na may katulad pa pala ako sa mundo, that fighting for a marriage is not stupid as based on what I've read in your post, you're a smart woman. I am not in the same stage as yours and I hope I never will, we're in the phase of trying to work it out..hopefully, we indeed work it out. But I think we're the same, I'm for the family, while, he's for all the things he wants to do but never had the chance to do when he was single.


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